Can an atheist and a christian ever get along?

Question

this question refers to dating, I'm a Christian and the man I am thinking about dating is an atheist. Thoughts anyone???

Answer 1

Hey! :-) It's really hard for anyone who believes in God to love anyone who doesn't. I've been a christian my whole life.. And my boyfriend doesn't believe in God at all. So as hard as it is. We try to just not talk about religion at all. Which makes me feel like I'm failing God in a sense. But I love my boyfriend so much. And I feel like if I just end the relationship.. I could be failing him. I could be the only chance he ever has. So what I do.. Is sometimes I'll bring him to church with me.. He doesn't mind. Because if anyone is going to try and convince him? I think it should be a pastor. That way it doesn't bring any animosity between the two of us. I'm very sensitive about religious topics. So.. Good luck.. If you feel that he is worth it.. Its hard work.. But it's worth it for me.

Answer 2

It depends on the two people involved and how much their Christism or Atheism effects their beliefs and actions. A "casual" religious person and an unlettered atheist could potentially have a successful long term relationship, but if either or both of the individuals are philosophical or serious in their belief...it is a recipe for disaster.

In the early stages of romance, it is quite easy to overlook and overpower differences with the intensity that comes with infatuation. However, as relationships draw on into years and the excitement of early lust, infatuation, and novelty begin to wear thin; the problems begin to surface. If many of the actions and beliefs of either one of the participants are determined by their religious or philosophical stance, these actions and beliefs will become flash points for the inevitable arguments that arise throughout a relationship.

That is the crux of it I think, a lifelong relationship is bound to have some arguments, some fights; and if the religiosity of the people involved is stringent and unchanging, these fights will only intensify until everything tears apart.

So I would say if you're just looking for some fun dating and/or sex then the religion or philosophy of the person is of little importance. But if the danger is there of getting into a long term relationship and one or both of you is serious about their position: do not even get into it because it will likely explode at some point.

Answer 3

It could absolutely work out, and an open mind can get you a long way. You should have many blunt and open discussions about a number of issues that are important to you in your own faith and see if this person is compatible with you on those levels. Its quite possible that your religious differences will translate to a number of other differences in areas that you may not be aware of on the surface.
Dating is good. Get to know the guy. Before things get serious you both should get a full understanding of what is important to each of you and make a good educated decision on your compatability. It may be that you can overlook a lot of differences that perhaps HE wouldn't be comfortable dealing with in any kind of serious relationship. I know a married couple who has this exact issue and it has been a greater adjustment in some ways for the atheist because the girls family is very religious and it makes him extremely uncomfortable around them because he feels a bit judged every time they get around them. He often doesn't even speak his mind on his opinions because he doesn't want to deal with a conflict with the girls dad. Get to know each other well and be open and completely blunt about your views from the start. Don't try to lessen your honest opinions just to appease the other person or try to look better in their eyes. Total honesty is a MUST in this situation. Anything less will come back to haunt you if things get serious later.

Answer 4

It depends on how strongly you two hold on to your beliefs. Are you an evangelical or fundamentalist? Do you truly believe that all atheists are going to hell, regardless of how good a life they live? Do you harbor the hope that if you date your atheist friend long enough, that you will eventually be able to sway him over? If the answer to any of these is yes, then you may want to save BOTH of yourselves some heartache and not get too involved.

Religion can be a major dividing issue, but it doesn't have to be. If you're truly comfortable with him not believing and not attending church, and if he's OK with you attending church and believing in what he considers to be fairy tales and superstition, then you two may just do OK.

I should tell you, there are two main types of atheists. One type came into atheism for a variety of moral, logical, ethical, and/or rational reasons. The other came into atheism as a reaction against religion, either because they had a bad religious experience, or simply consider the whole institution of religion and the church to be corrupt and/or evil. Although this latter type of atheist is, in my experience, by far in the minority, if your boyfriend is one of these then religion may be a major sticking point.

I won't say that you two should never discuss religion or atheism, but when you do, you should both try to be sensitive to the other's position. Don't be patronizing or insulting, and likewise try not to take offense when he expresses beliefs that you may find insulting (such as, "religions are just fairy tales, superstitions and barbarian history"). Don't turn the conversation into a competition or an attempt to convert each other.

If you date him and find yourself thinking of a lifelong future with him, there are other things to consider as well. How accepting will your families be of each other? Will you have a religious marriage or a civil ceremony? If you have kids together, how will you raise them? These are questions that must be worked out by any couple with significantly-varying religious beliefs.

Nonetheless, I wish you luck and hope that you will take the time to get to know the full person, and not just focus on his religious beliefs (or lack thereof). Every couple has SOME differing beliefs, be they religious, political, or whether they prefer cats or dogs. What matters is how you handle those differences. For successful couples, differing beliefs are not a source of contention but a source of strength.

Answer 5

IMHO If only we could all live by the example of Jesus. Even if you do not believe, which I didn't use to, you have to admit He was an amazing man. It is the religiosity that skewed His message. It's the people that act like the priests of His time that cause the separation. You know, the ones that judge, criticize & condemn. The ones that He prayed for, along with the roman soldiers that tortured Him, saying, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. I have found in even attempting to be an inkling like Him, Jesus, I am incredibly humbled. I have a relationship with Jesus, His Holy Spirit that will convict my heart if I am judgmental, full of pride & haughty, thinking I know it all. So, in my belief as a christian, if I am following Jesus to the best of my ability I should be trying to change these things in my small piece of the world, not feed the fear which breeds chaos & violence. To me, the things that you are speaking of, the separation, is what the devil is all about. (By devil, you can put any word there that suits you, negative energy, etc.) Have a great day!

Answer 6

I cannot see why not, so long as you can live with and accept each other's difference. The important thing here is to respect each others views with regard to religion. Do you feel comfortable dating an atheist? Does the fact that his beliefs are different disturb you? Does he accept and respect your Christianity? If you can answer yes to those questions, you will get along just fine. Good luck!

Answer 7

Understand the topic of both beliefs will come up eventually. Be it maybe furthering the relationship. And one of you is going to want the other to see their point of view. Yes? So it is smart to choose wisely in situations like this. And you cannot go with the "But I can change him" approach. (This goes for both sides.) Automatically it is a failure because you are not going into it "open mindedly," so to speak. By that I mean you have a secret agenda.

( Let me put it this way, the person may change in a way that is not "entertaining" to you like the first time you met him. they may become boring.)

Answer 8

Ask him this question (trying to keep it lighthearted), and ask yourself, if he accepts your belief and respects it completely, can you do the same -- or will you forever second-guess how atheism could be the best, rightest, truest path for him?

It's possible, but ... I hate to sound like a pessimist, but most people aren't open-minded enough to really accept someone who disagrees with them, when they have strongly held ideas about the nature of life and how to live it. We're out there - both open-minded Christians and open-minded atheists - but I'm afraid we may be a very rare breed.

Answer 9

Of course you can get along, if you are both open-minded. The question that needs to be addressed is how important it is to you that someone you date be involved in the spiritual aspects of your life. And be aware that the two of you may approach many things differently. This could certainly become an issue in a relationship.

Answer 10

Although it counts in a way, having different beliefs is not a barrier to a healthy and loving relationship as long as both of you understand each other perfectly well. Just be sure that if you intend to make your relationship go deeper not to make your different views an issue in any misunderstanding. Other than this, go and enjoy each other's company.