I was told (MIL)that I shouldnt "entertain"( we play rate the burp its not like I strip) people of the opposite sex when i'm married to someone... If I grew up a tomb boy and am far more comfortable beign friends with guys, shoudl i become reclusive when i beceom married and let my shusband be friends with either gender?Basicly it's an insecurtiy on my spouses part because he's afraid of revenge...I think its a bunch of milarchy
2007-07-16 14:41:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he refuses to give my friends a chance....its like he thinks of them as competition
2007-07-16 14:48:20 · update #1
we invite him along fro everythin i do...
2007-07-16 14:49:22 · update #2
He's allowed to do whatever..I'm the one with the restrictions for no reason.. he's cheated in the past yet i'm the one that should coddle his every whim?? that's not sitting right with me... "Because he's your husband" is not an answer i'm supposed to allow him to have a free life while i'm chained up because i'm his wife? that's a lame answer
2007-07-17 07:22:46 · update #3
You are a couple. Do things as a couple.
2007-07-16 14:45:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are things in life that marriage just changes. Friendships are one of them.
The Bible puts it this way... you are to forsake all others and cleave to one another. Not trying to shove Scripture down your throat, but it's good solid marriage advice.
I'm a tomboy and had ONE female friend growing up; I'm just more comfortable hanging with the guys. However, when I got married, I didn't want my friendships to affect my relationship with my husband... nor did I want my marriage to mean the end of any friendships.
Everything you do socially should be done as a couple from now on, UNLESS you are socializing with only with the girls. If guys are involved, your hubby needs to be involved. The same goes for him... if he wants to go out with the boys, be supportive and let him go alone. If there's going to be mixed company, you should at least be invited.
Trust me, it will prevent SO many fights if you are both respectful of how the other feels concerning friends of the opposite sex.
If you're invited to do something and hubby can't go, just explain to your friends that since he can't make it this time, you'll make plans for another time when everyone is available. Friends will fall away, but you'll have your husband's respect, gratitude, and trust.
It's possible your MIL brought it up b/c her son was complaining to her about it... she may have been making intercession for him. Regardless, she's right.
2007-07-16 23:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by sublimekindalife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one.
See, us guys have EGOs. These are very delicate things that often create emotional responses that can't be helped. Some egos are more insecure than others. Often, guys don't know how insecure and brittle their ego is until they get into a committed relationship and then have it tested, as you are currently testing him.
Be sensitive. Don't just brush off his concerns. Don't belittle him or minimize his feelings. Let him know that you understand (even if you don't entirely) and that you need to stay at least somewhat connected to your male friends. Use active listening when he is speaking: "So, what I hear you saying is......" That's a very powerful and kind approach to his concerns. Reinforce your commitment to him and make sure he knows that he's your "favorite" without being sappy about it. I think you can pull that off quite nicely, reading your text about all of this.
Ultimately, he may not be able to get past what he (erroneously) believes are divided loyalties. Then, you will have to make a choice - and so will he. It would be sad if that happened, but, hey, you've got to live your life.
(What's "MIL"? My people are not familiar with that abbreviation.)
2007-07-16 23:23:36 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want him being friends with females though, right? It's natural totally human. Men don't want their women being friendly with other men because they do view them as competition and the same goes for many women as well. I get along better with men than I do women because I'm a woman...another woman is competition to me and I'm kind of a tom boy too (don't like dresses, don't have long fingernails, don't like to dress up or put make up on half the time, and really despise girly stuff especially pink). I don't think that you should have to give up your friends and neither should he, however, maybe you guys should start hanging out with other couples instead of people who are single because there's always that thought in the back of the mind that since those people are single they may try to take you away and vice versa.
2007-07-16 22:48:25 · answer #4 · answered by CJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think that it is a two way street. Why should he be allowed to be friends with either or, while you have to remail friends with only those of the same sex. You are correct on saying that it is very insecure on his part to even ask, and it isnt because of revenge, it is cause of mitrust and control. Dont let it happen, set him straight before you say "I do!"
2007-07-16 21:51:11 · answer #5 · answered by Lessa 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The reason you should not entertain people of the opposite sex is because your husband does not like it. Period. You are showing repect for this feelings (founded or not) by acknowledging his worry and wishes.
Trust me - if you show him this respect, he will worry less about his insecurities and in time he won't care that much.
Show him some respect, remind him that you love him and don't make a huge deal out of this.
2007-07-17 01:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by banana6464 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Quite frankly, I don't feel that it is ANY of your MIL's business who you are friends with. It's not her life, it's not her marriage and she should really butt out.
With that being said, does your hubby have this same issue? Was he blind when you were dating? You said that you've always hung out with the opposite sex, so this is certainly not a new thing to him.
If he is that insecure, perhaps he needs therapy. Don't change your friends because of your MIL or your hubby. First it this, then something else and before you know it the 'you' that you know is gone.
Maybe you could invite your hubby to hang out with you and your guy friends or maybe you two could make mutual guy friends and that would ease his mind a little bit.
Best of luck!
2007-07-16 21:46:44 · answer #7 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I agree with you. I've been married 16 years and my best friend of 22 years is a male. We have NEVER had sex nor will we ever. He's like a brother to me.
2007-07-16 21:47:46 · answer #8 · answered by sweetie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't give up your friends for anyone... He married you knowing this, right?? Why try to change you now?
2007-07-16 21:49:30 · answer #9 · answered by Let it go~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a penis thinks on his own and theres no such thing as a guy just wanting a girl to be a friend...and theres only a few exceptions to this rule....anyways u having male friends is bad and ur man is just gonna have to beat them all up....just to be on the safe side
2007-07-16 21:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by Life! 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
F that mother Fer if I were you I would kick him in his nuts girls!
2007-07-16 21:52:30 · answer #11 · answered by Steven C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋