should i stay or is it time to leave for good?

Question

i got married and everything was cool then i went to iraq and now we dont talk go out have sex or just about anything together.. she smiles when talking to family but never to me and when we talk i find myself pissed just at the site of her.... i know i should leave but we have a lil girl and i wanna take care of my baby but i also know i dont wanna raise her in a house with no love left what the hell should i do

Answer 1

Go to counseling. You were AT WAR and need help. Please get it for the sake of your family!

Answer 2

Let me first welcome you back and thank you for having the courage to defend your country. I agree that a child should not be raised in a house where there is always arguing. The psychological effect can be devasting. As to your situation. First, I recommned counseling from a professional. Should that not work or not be an option, I recommend that you go to her and tell her exactly how you feel. I suggest that you only go when you feel that you can talk to her without arguing or bickering. I am not a supporter of divorce (although I am divorced myself and had to make a similar decision), but it is better now to let it go than ruin three lives. There are laws in most states that will give you the opportunity to support you child and have visitation rights so that you can put time in with that child. In the mind of a child, although the parents are nto together, when the support and time is there it is usually beneficial to the child and the divorce of the parents is not as much of an issue. If it is possible to save the marriage, do so. If it is not,then do what has to be done. Try to end it (if that is the case) on a nice note, so that the details may be worked out easily.
It may be a good idea to go back and determine, what happened after Iraq? What changed?

Answer 3

Your lives have both changed with you going to Iraq, you have been away and your wife has coped alone and probably got into a routine that suited her, it becomes difficult to adjust back to the way things were when you were at home. It will take work from both of you. Communication is paramount, firstly you need to sit down and talk to your wife and work out how you're both feeling in the marriage and decide if it's worth working to save it. From there if you decide you both still love each other you'll have to work at it by understanding and trying to fulfill each others needs. Maybe even try a bit of Marriage counselling if you both agree, it might help you communicate better. Whatever you both decide, never stay together for the sake of children because they are the ones who get hurt in the long run. I wish you good luck for the future.

Answer 4

Remember this, you can not just up and leave and think you are going to start over. You must make sure you see you little girl more after the divorce than now. Time to start really taking care of her. Washing her clothes and such. You must ask for 50/50 custody and give your wife half of everything. You must hire a nanny/housekeeper to help with your child while you are working. You may not bring women into the home until you are sure you are going to marry her!!!! Are you ready for all of that? Then you are ready to leave.

Answer 5

sounds like ure upset. you said you cant stand the sight of her, but why. you left so just sit down and try to work it out with her, talk to her. ask her if theres something you need to know. is there someone else, what can you do to make it work. dont just get it in your mind that theres no love left. you got married for a reason. in the end if its not going to work get a divorce, your child will be happier in a stable home.

Answer 6

I recommend counseling! It really helps, and if your problems are little ones, which there aren't really "little problems" but it makes it seem easier to deal with to say they are, then maybe working with a therapist can bring you two much closer. I understand you wanting to stay for the sake of your daughter, I believe strongly in both parents staying together so the child benefits, but if there is no love in the house, your daughter will not see a normal, healthy loving relationship and will lack this in future realtionships. Children need to see their parents happy and in love in order for them to be able to love and be stable int heir relationships in the future. Good luck! I hope you can work it out!

Answer 7

"Ready",
You should talk to your Wife first before thinking about ending your marriage! See, your being away wasn't your fault, now obviously she is holding back some resentment for you going away, and that's how some women handle it., "The Blame Game!"

Maybe she thinks, "You werent here for "this", or "that", you know, holding some things in.

Deployments are hard on both the couples who have to experience it. Anyway, just talk to your Lady and let her know she can discuss things with you, that you want to work things out, for yourself, her and your child! See where it goes.

Like others are saying, there is Counseling avail.

Best Wishes.

Answer 8

everyone relationship has up and down, hv u tried to fix it? there must be something u can do. U just need a gd reason to convince yrself, e.g. yr little gal
also try to think abt the old days , the 1st time u met yr wife, the day u got married

Answer 9

It sounds like you could both do with some counselling first.
Depending on how long you were away for, she has probabaly gotten used to doin things by herself.
You will both have to find eachother again!
Your daughter deserves the right to have both her parents there.
Just talk to your wife and see what she says about counselling.
Good Luck

Answer 10

You should probably talk to her of why she isn't happy that is my first answer. My second would be: Leave her. If she is only happy to her family, but not to you, then make a divorce. But before what you are going to do, Always think of what can happen if you talk to her or make a divorce.

Answer 11

Have you even tried to talk to her about why she is acting this way? There are obviously unresolved issues there. Family counseling will help. Don't just give up. Family is worth fighting for.