divorce, dissolution, mediation in cali and with military? ahh!?

Question

Okay so my husband and I were together for a year and a few months and then we seperated. I moved out and took 1/2 the assets. But then we tried dating and did use our joint account a few months later. I feel that we should just stop and walk away and do a dissolution but he feels that I owe him money spent during the marriage. I am a full time student and he is a cpl in the marine corps. He made most of the money during our marriage. I told him it would be in our best interest to just do a dissolution because he would end up paying spousal support since he made most of the money. He is from west virginia and doesnt understand california laws (not that I myself have a superb knowledge either). Someone reccomended that we go to a mediator but would there be a point if he is not going to cooroperate? This whole thing is affecting my school financial aid and everything. I was also thinking about a seperation does he have to agree to that? PLEASE HELP! I am soooo lost . . . .

Answer 1

To try and answer some of your question: when it comes to the military you are either married or you are not - separation isn't really a recognized option ( it is but it isn't). While technically you can be legally separated - it opens up a can of worms - if he dates while you are separated he could be in trouble with adultery - regardless that you are legally separated. Legal separation isn't really the magical solution except you could keep your military benefits for a while longer - as long as that is an acceptable solution to both parties. You will give up military benefits upon a divorce - you haven't been married long enough to keep any benefits. I am really not so sure you would get any spousal support - the trend isn't always that way any more - in the state of Missouri where we have lived for quite a while the chance of spousal suppport is quite low and never automatic any more. Plus debt can follow you if you both incurred it (at least debt you took on when married) it helps to get it in the divorce who exactly is to pay for what - the details are very important. When it comes to financial aid for school any way you stay married will hurt your chances for grants and such as his income will have to be counted and if he is deployed his income is even higher over any deployment time frame. You need legal assistance from a California attorney as (JAG) can't always help as they can only give general assistance - not specific state unless they have their license to practice in that state. Our JAG doesn't assist with divorces but can only give guidance on general details. If you can't afford an attorney ask for a referral to Legal Aid as they charge a sliding scale (pay what you can afford and per your income). He may be using the "money you owe him" as a tool to get at you as a way of dealing with his anger - he can not make you stay married to him and you can work out an agreement - it is just more complicated if he fights you on anything. Worse comes to worse if he is truly being a bully you can go to his chain of command but that should truly be a last resort as it will mean command involvement which reflects poorly on him and his career. Knowledge is power and you need to have a professional sit down with you and spell out your rights then you will feel more confident and not so lost as you will know your options. You may not want to hear this but you may need to really look ove the marriage time frame and think over what you spent and if you can compromise by paying a share of it - if he balks even at that then you know he is doing this just for spite. If you both went into the marriage with the notion that he would be the primary breadwinner and he would support you especially while you went to school then he needs to accept that and move on and not expect you to now all of the sudden hand over money. I suspect it isn't like he said at the altar I do but you have to pay me back any money I spent on you while we are married if you make me mad. Take one day at a time and don't let yourself be intimidated - it sounds like you are willing to work on the best solution - it will happen.

Answer 2

Since he is in the military and you are his wife you
should already have a military dependent I:D: card
which gives you benefits such as medical, PX and
commissary priviliages as long as you are married
and seperation still entitles you to the privilages.
You can go to the legal office on the nearest post
and ask them for advise as you could get money
in support as he makes extra money because you
are his dependent, and you could be entitled to
that. The legal advise on post is part of your
privilege and you can get advise free. As for you
seperating it would be to your best interest for
two things. one, you still get to keep your military
privileges from your military dependent I.D. card
and two, you could get monetary support that is
paid as an allottment to you , since you are still
married to him., be sure and check with the legal
office. Once you are divorced because of the
short time period you were married with him you
would loose everything, so think about seperation
and who knows maybe things will work out during
that time period. Good luck.

Answer 3

you owe him nothing for money spent during the duration of your marriage. what a jerk for trying to strongarm you! last i checked, you could be entitled to alimony for half of the length of your marriage. if you were married for a year, you could get 6 months. you will be instructed to talk to a mediator. you can agree, or disagree, or you could let the mediator come up with a solution. the military does have assistance for legal help. use it. it's not like you are asking for his pension. you are asking for a headstart in being financially stable. there is nothing wrong in that.

Answer 4

The chance of you getting support for such a short marriage is very slim. Just go your seperate ways. He can't force you to 'repay' anything, either. While married everything belonged to both of you. File for seperation, I don't think he has to agree to it, just do it and get the ball rolling.