Poem question?

Question

I wrote this poem and am just wondering what other people think of it.Im a beginner,so its gonna be very rookie and rough.
"A Womans Nightmare"

You were heartless when you it
You werent thinking of her,
You were thinking of the sick revolting pleasure
And now you've changed her bright like sunshine world,
Into pain and heartache nobody can measure
Each night,while lying in bed
That dreadful moment plays over and over in her torn head,
Haunting her
You reminisce that sick moment,
Only you swim in the nightmare of it all
And every night,she cries,putting her hands to her face;shell fall
She thinks and thinks,knowing she wont recover!
Why couldnt you let her have her pride and dignity?
But that night,you did it with your thoughtless mind and stability
You're a selfish bastard!


Theres more to the poem,but i cant fit it all here.what do you guys think of my poem so far?

Answer 1

It's very touching ..and sad. You definitely should write more of it.

Answer 2

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always must rhyme but it surely demands to hit my feelings. I believe readability of expression is foremost as good. I do not love to moment bet what I'm studying approximately. I consistently seem for what I time period "poetic gemstones"within the textual content.

Answer 3

I kinda like it ~ finish it ~ it is good to get feelings out and written down on paper no matter if "anybody" else appreciates it or not.

Answer 4

Finish it! Its kewl!
I think there is only one mistake.
The thing is that you got begginer rhymes.

Answer 5

wow that's great.it's sad.you did an amazing job hun =)