My husband and lying?

Question

I have been happily married 16 yrs to a great guy but he has lied and kept stuff from me in the past nothing bad or serious like cheating,gambling or drugs just small insignificant things..Last yr he lied about numerous things so i had a talk with him and he promised to stop this but it happened again so again i had another talk with him and he said he would be open and honest with me from that moment on and he says he has and i hope he has but should i trust him on this.

Answer 1

well, i would not blame you for having reason to doubt. if it happens again i would then suggest he go for counselling. he may have some issues around it and just finds himself lying with out thinking about it first. get some counsellors numbers and have them ready in hand for him. either for himself alone or marriage counselling. going to a marriage counsellor does not mean you are on the way to a divorce or separation. only means that you two have some stuff to work on and need help of a professional to deal with it. will help you and him see from each other point of view on whats going on and will help to find solutions to the issues at hand

Answer 2

First off I would have to say that you are more woman than I am because if my husband lied once that would be all it would take. The marriage would be over. I can understand trusting him when he says he is not lying to you anymore, but how can you be sure he has said that he would not lie anymore but can you be sure he is not lying about that too. After all 16 years is a long time to be with someone who has lied in the past and still seems to be lying. Think about it.

Answer 3

This is your brief and simple answer without any doubt in my mind based on experience with men. If your husband is lying and has a history opf lying, it will not cease, you need to be real with your self, you are talking about a grown adult man, who took vows and now he lies, holy cow, have some respect for your self and tell him you need some time to make a decision in regards to the direction of your marriage, 16 years is by all means a long time to be married I cant even understand what that would be heart wrenching. God Bless

Answer 4

Well, if you fear that these "white" lies can escalate into more serious types of lies such as infidelity and such, you really need to seek marriage counseling. Maybe you should also talk to an in-law that you trust, who has known him since their childhood, to find out if it's just a characteristic of his since he was young. Was he always the type of child compelled to exaggerate things? Tell white lies? If so, maybe this is a harmless characteristic. But if it remains a pressing issue, it has the potential to ruin your marriage. Trust is the only "adhesive" that keeps a marriage together. Without it, a marriage will fall apart. Good luck. And be positive.

Answer 5

Marriage is about trust. If he gives you his word, accept it until he gives you another reason not to. If they are merely little white lies, then I wouldn't make a big fuss over., but remind him that it bothers you and ask him again to stop. But if he is lying about money, or something of that significance, then like I said trust him until he gives you a reason not to.. IF he does it again, ask him why he has such a problem keeping things from his wife and maybe consider some kind of outside help!

Answer 6

you know what...until this evening i was also having similar issues with my fella :o)

heres why:

this evening, i found out that my friend, who is an age 45 yr old woman , ( 4 kids between the ages of 11- 17) with a really depressing life and ex- abusive husband had only been happy in the last 3 years because 3 years ago she got married to a wonderful man...

but sadly....this evening..we were told that last night that man had died in a car crash...

thats when all my little details and little issues with my darling hubby went straight out of the window and i realised that by nature, we as women are such security seekers when actuallly there is no security at all ...its an illusion ...we must learn to be secure within ourselves , be independent and realise that any man that treats us wrongly by lying or keeping things ..,,,is simly moulding his own destiny...ignore him and also make him feel dumb for even trying....but also love him up with no conditions.be easy going ,......

i hope this helps even though i am freshly married and you have been married 16 years .......**blush**

Answer 7

First of all, Congratulations on 16 years! I don't know exactly how his lying patterns are, but if he does continue he may have pathological lying tendencies. Seeing how he lies for no significant reasons, and hides things; perhaps he is seeking to get caught, seeking for your attention. Maybe even just bored! The point is if he continues to do this, & he is completely aware he should possibly seek professional help, but it has to be on his terms. You can't make him change! That's his own issue, not yours.

Answer 8

When someone establishes a firm pattern of telling lies, it becomes very difficult to trust that persons words or testimonies. The answer is NO. Check up on the facts he offers you from time to time. Practice lying makes perfect lying.

Answer 9

People don't like to hear this but if you would stop bellyaching about the small stuff when you find them out he will be more open.Listen to you...I had a talk with him,You are not talking to a child.You have a great guy so what is your problem.
I believe that you are becoming complacent.DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

Answer 10

MarriageRomance.com - Husband Lying
http://www.marriageromance.com/stories/10305951005.htm