if true love never fades why after 17 years of marriage you lost the feeling was it true love or not?

Answer 1

That is such a GREAT question and it all has to go back to what love and marriage are really all about. Marriage takes a very, VERY deep love and caring and, more than anything, an ENORMOUS commitment. People that get married need to realize that that relationship is not always going to be good, exciting, or even fun. Because it involves two people who, even though they have a lot of the same dreams, interests, etc., are still cut from two different pieces of parental cloth. There will be arguments and there will be a fading of love and romantic feelings, but the entire point of marriage is not to lock in the best times of your lives with one person, but to work together towards a common goal and be there for each other. Essentially, marriage is nothing more than picking your teammate for kickball, for the rest of your life. You'll be proud of each other's accomplishments, you'll resent certain things about each other, you'll clam up and not talk for hours or days at a time, you'll jump up and hug them when you achieve your victories together. The commitment is what it's all about at it's most base level, not just the love. The love is what it takes to get you to make that commitment, but sometimes, it's going to just be downright unpleasant. You'll work together to buy a home. You'll work together to have children. You'll endure bouts of upset and depression and questioning if you've done the right thing or not. You may fall out of love - meaning, out of attraction, out of romance, out of excitement, but you'll still be committed to each other. The romance will come back less often, but it will come back sometimes, if not only in subtle gestures or mild evidence of that perso haveing consideration for you. If you've been married for 17 years, you have endured almost everything you can together, and you've still stayed tough and committed through it all. You're doing great! From the time you've spent together, you may find someone that excites you more, or that you feel treats you better, but you may have a hard time finding someone else in the world that knows what you are like at your most primitive, your most nasty, and your most charming...and will still stay there with you. Look at how far you've come and look again at what you've accomplished together and don't be too quick to give it up for something as short term exciting as better/different sex or bouquets of flowers, etc. Look at who's been there and still is and look at how far you have to fall if you didn't have them there and needed to rebuild your lives, and consult a marriage counselor if need be. Do what's right for you and try to look at it from the 50,000-foot level, not just how pleasant every day is, but how pleasant every year can be with this person that you know better than they do themselves. Good luck! I really understand your feelings right now...

Answer 2

Your first problem here is that you refer to something you call "true" love. There is no "true" love, or "destiny" or "soulmate"....there is love. And love has certain characteristics which, if you don't understand fully, can cause you to think at some point that it has "disappeared".

When we "fall" in love, we experience a lot of 'cloud nine' emotions...all those warm, fuzzy, romantic feelings you get when romance is new. That may last a year or two beyond the wedding, and then we start to realize that if we were just living on feelings and not on having made a commitment for life to this person, that we are bored and thinking about maybe finding something else.

If we are smart, and moral people who live up to our commitments (i.e., our vows) we remember that it's not all about feelings and we continue to live our life and stick by our mate through the times when we "feel" very little. Often when we do this, the feelings come back, and they continue to ebb and flow throughout your life.

I'm not saying there are no reasons for divorce: far from it. But ending a marriage because you aren't feeling something you THINK you should be is an excuse for giving up on the commitment that you made.

Answer 3

i believe that true love never fades but i also believe that after being married to one person for a long time can feel like you have lost the true love out of the relationship because in most cases it just gets boring. because your pretty much on a daily routine day after day. you no longer really get surprised by the things your spouse does because you pretty much know them better then they know themselves. but what is lost can be found again if you look hard enough. be surprising once in a while plan a weekend get away or romantic dinner or just do something unlike yourself. good luck :)

Answer 4

True love never fades is a fairy tale not reality. What would true love be exactly? That no matter what you do to each other or yourself that you absolutely have to stay in love? I have no idea what that is. Reality is if you married for all the right reasons you have a great chance of having it stay together. Were you upfront with your goals, careers, number of children, religious outlooks? Are you open and honest every day of your life with your spouse? Do you share common interests and ideas? If you married with fairy tale dreams, then you wouldn't expect it to last.

Answer 5

Love is an action not an emotion. Passion is an emotion. If a marriage ends after 17 years, one or both partners lost determination not passion. If both partners make an effort to love, the passion will come naturally.

Answer 6

We live in a very fast paced society where the value of relationships doesn't matter like it used to. You have to work to keep it alive. Love needs to be nourished to flourish! Its not easy being married in this day and age. There are so many distractions and stresses that love gets taken for granted and put on the "back burner" instead of on the "front burner" being looked after!

Answer 7

its true love til the stars don't shine no more.

losing feeling means you lost communication with each other, maybe lost some respect, maybe don't touch each other in little ways like holding hands when you're out, maybe you haven't dated each other for a long time (married couples even need to date: dinner for 2 by the corner in a dim room or candle lit area).

Start communicating.

Answer 8

All marriages and relationships go through phases. You have to work through them. Think of what it was that made u fall for him. Has he stopped doing it? Have a talk with him.
Thats alot of years to throw down the drain. It can be rekindled if you work on it.
Good luck hun.

Answer 9

you cant love someone the same way you love them the first time you met.....17yrs ago.... after such a long period of time, you get use to being around them, get comfortable, but nothing will ever feel as good as the first time.
its like food, no matter how good you like a dish, after eating it for many years, changed the ingredients, change the spices, you will finally grow bored of eating it......same as love. You wont feel the same, after 17yrs, as the first time you fell in love and use to loose your appetite just by thinking of him/her.

Answer 10

If that's the case, then it wasn't true love to begin with. I'm not even sure that such a thing exists. I think it may have at one time with earlier generations, but I doubt that's the case anymore. People these days always put themselves first, and that is not conducive to true love...