Why is that nearly everybody on Answers who's happily married seems to be so smug about?

Question

Sometimes I actually get the feeling that some of you are trying to rub it in the noses of those of us who aren't quite so fortunate. No snotty answers, please. Just tell me if I'm right or wrong...

To " miraclehand2020 ": This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking aobut. I'll have you know that I've probably worked just as hard as you have in trying to get where you are as you have in getting there yourself. Thanks for trampling on my feelings...

Also, why are some of you assuming that I'm married? I never said if I was or not...

Answer 1

I agree yes I am married not happily, but no place else to go. Yes we have had rocky times and everytime I ask a question on hear for help of what to do its the same answer Don't talk to him just take everything you can and leave him. Maybe that is not the best answer maybe I have no place else to go. Why leave why not try to work things out we been together 26 years why not listen to the other side. Maybe we can't all have great marriages but not everyone's marriage is perfect. I bet those that are so smug if you were to be a fly on the wall would have more skeletons in the closet they just don't let it come outside for us to see. My husband mother is one of those big hipocrites She has a perfect marriage until I got an email from my husbands step father one night and found out that what she says is so perfect is a BIG JOKE. She treats his Step Father like crap just like she does me. Boy was I shocked So was My husband.

Answer 2

I would say that "happily" married people (myself included, 20+ years) are partly fortunate and partly pleased that we did something right. "Happy" is relative and it doesn't mean there are no disagreements and ups and downs. At the end of the day, couples who are together just figure they are "happier" and better off together than venturing out to the unknowns.

On the fortunate part, I understand that shxt happens and can see around here that men and women suddenly don't feel the same way after years of marriage, or due to affairs and abuse.

The parts I believe "happily" married people who have done right includes: a) they probably did NOT marry too young but have gone through a long enough period to really know; b) they didn't just jump to sex and let sex be the anchor of their early relationship; c) they knew that "love" alone as a glue could only be so strong to hold the marriage together, there were other factors that these people steadily learned to appreciate as they matured; d) their concept of marriage is more conservative either by their upbringing or circumstances in their lives; e) they understand that marriage is give and take and one party cannot be the center of this universe forever; f) they have a sense of responsibility to the children they brought to this world and to the life time partner that they not only share the good and bad cards that life has dealt them. All and all, they were optimistic about their marriage going in, each evolves but not break away, and they create the bonds in the family that can withstand the shock waves that might come their way.

Answer 3

Wow!! If I am coming off seeming to sound smug, I apologize. I am not a snotty smug person and do not try to rub my good fortune in any one's face. I feel bad for the people who feel the need to ask for advice on here. If it makes you feel better, my husband is the only friend that I have and want, not because i am a bad person with a bad attitude, but because I live someplace where, so far the only people that I have met are a bunch of uneducated hillbillies and seem to all want to screw you over for all that you have. Not only that but, I have only been lied to by all of my surrounding acquaintances. I also can't move back to where we moved from(by our family) because of a bad case of identity theft where some people stole my husband's i.d. and made a 3,000 dollar electric bill that we can't afford to pay. And we even had a cop as a witness that these people did it. The elec. co. didn't care. Does that sound smug to you??

Answer 4

I'm sorry you feel negative feedback from married people.

Marriage is so different for everyone. Some people love being married some hate it, some marry too young and have too much growing up to do, while others have made their mistakes and gone through divorce and are now happily married.

I've been married 19 yrs to my 2nd husband, 11 yrs to the first. My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me. We were in our early 30's when we got married. We both came from big families (he is oldest of 8 kids, me oldest of 5 kids).

We both respect each other, and I find that when I'm getting really ready to say something biting, if I just smile and make it a joke, I can take the sting out of my words for both of us.

Being married is watching TV and then you both look at each other at the same time and you know you're both thinking the same thing about what you're watching.

It's only hard work if you are thinking about what you are getting out of it rather than what WE are getting out of being married.

Good luck in your life and relationships.

Answer 5

I'm probably one of those happily married folks that gets on your nerves. But just so you know, most happily married people are that way because they have been through some tough times along the way. They are just appreciative now because they are the better for the experience they went through and made it.
I don't think it is possible to have a marriage without any challenges at all. Those who are happy are the ones who have taken what they are dealt and chose to make the best of it. Hope things start looking up for you soon.

Answer 6

If they are truly in a happy marriage and seeming smug about it, it's probably because they have never been in your shoes.... They must think if you worked hard to make your marriage last then it automatically does.. well it doesn't !!!! For some people yes, but not for all of us...They should never be smug because they are among the fortunate ones, they should count their blessings and not judge others.

Answer 7

Married people live in a different world. They try very hard to hold a relationship together, especially in hard times. As a result, we have an understanding that we'll handle our own issues and not hand it out for all to see. We like to keep our skirts clean.

So figure out your issue, seek the help and compassion of close friends who will listen. Go to counseling if necessary. But don't expect a high level of sympathy from the rest of the married population. We've got our own fish to fry.

Answer 8

From Merriam Webster:

SMUG: (#3 meaning, other 2 N/A)...highly self-satisfied.....the answer is yes, but I do apologize if I offended you, sir. DH and I are not braggarts and mean no harm. ; )

HAPPY: several meanings...I will mark the ones I think may apply.

1: favored by luck or fortune : fortunate .....NOTE: A happy coincidence? Yes, indeed. He came from a place 3500 miles away and, before me, he was engaged to a girl *that I knew and played with in the 1940s.

2: notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : felicitous .....NOTE: We are not two peas in a pod, but two pods on one branch (*equal* pods*.)

3 a: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment
NOTE: We have gone through many hard times in our 36 years. It has been difficult financially, we have two diabetic sons, we lost a car to a repo man and drove a non A/C junker for years, both of our mothers died and, just recently, my beloved BIL, whom I met when I was 6, died of lung cancer. (He and my sister were married 55 years.)

b: expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness .....YES
c: glad, pleased .....YES
d: having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : friendly .....YES

4 a: characterized by a dazed irresponsible state NOTE: A 17 day courtship does rather leave one's head spinning, eh?

b: impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something NOTE: Ummm...I guess so..."Will you marry me next weekend *is* rather impulsive, I'd say.

c: enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : obsessed NO!!! No obsession...that, to me, sounds like possession, having to account for every minute, every penny, being watched over like a fledgling in a nest. From the very beginning we chose each to be "co-boss".

The one thing we have always practiced is NOT to work on our marriage. We PLAY at our marriage and have much fun. WORK at it? Who needs/wants a second or third job?

Answer 9

I see what you mean, but think about it this way....if some of us are happily married now, it doesn't mean it's always been that way. I had to go through alot with my ex-husband (unhappiness and divorce) to get where I am today - very happily married to a great guy. So, there are perspectives I have to share that are unique to what I've been through. I feel no smugness about it at all.

Answer 10

If you fell you unfortunate then you are if feel your not then you don't. it all sums up on who you really are don't blame anyone for your actions and feelings. If you have a problem then say it and ask humbly for advice if you want one if not then don't. If something is troubling you lets discuss it. We may be able to help, people ASSUME your married because you don't tell them exactly who you are. I think that people in yahoo answers do care for you and for us you are important and deserve some attention. We are all here in this place simply with one reason we have problems and we need answers in some point in our life we are beaten and needs some help and our experiences at times by sharing it to another could somehow ease up the burden not necessary to solve the problem but knowing that somewhere out there, there is a person who felt what I feel and sympathize with me. God bless you and use your life to help others in need. :-)