Why are so many people so critical of swingers?

Question

My husband and i have been happily married 15 yrs and been swingers about 8 yrs and it has never caused no jealousy or any other problems people say it will cause and just cause a lot of married people are swingers it doesnt mean their unhappy with their marriage or sex lives it just means they are open minded and want to try different things.

Answer 1

By the same token, just because people aren't swingers it doesn't mean they're closed-minded and don't try different things.

Why concern yourself with what people think that don't share your lifestyle?

Answer 2

If consenting adults want to be swingers, I'm fine with that. But my personal idea of a marriage vow is forsaking all others. I'm not getting married so I can share. :-)

I've read some articles on swingers and often times it's the husband's idea, and the wife is reluctantly going along to appear open-minded. Many times it creates unintended complications: jealousy, feelings of competition over looks and performance, etc., romantic feelings for the new partner. It doesn't create those problems for YOU but it does for other people who have tried that lifestyle.

If it works for you, fine.

P.S. I hope you're not implying that those who don't trying swinging are close-minded.

Answer 3

Here's a response from a couple that's "been there~done that."

We're not "critical;" we just know the score.

Our best advice is that NO couple should even attempt swinging unless their relationship is rock-solid. Any feelings of jealousy, self-image or performance anxiety and you're just asking for trouble.

Swinging will never, ever "fix" a problem in a relationship; it will only make it worse.

Too many couples misrepresent themselves, either with respect to their physical features, prowess, mental health, or other habits.

The "interview" process with prospective couples can get really old in a hurry.

Can you actually have some great fun times?

Sure.

But the odds are really against you.

That said, odds alone never deterred people from taking a chance; just look at the popularity of casinos and places like Vegas....

Answer 4

I believe most people are critical of swingers because it just isnt proper in a "normal" marriage. But each marriage is different and whatever works for Dick and Jane doesnt necessarily work for you and your husband.

If you havent had any problems in your marriage and you guys are completely happy, then continue what you are doing.

You have to understand, we live in a judgmental world where no matter who you are or what you do, you will be judged. Don't let other people judge you or persuade you into thinking that swinging is wrong. I personally dont do it but obviously your doing something right to have a happy marriage for 15 years.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I think it is different depending on your own personal beliefs. If both parties love each other and are open to the idea it can be a great experience. If only one person in the relationship is truly open to the idea and the other just goes along with it to make them happy it is a bad thing. It takes two totally committed people who are not jealous that are open to the idea of swinging for a relationship to last. For those couples like that it can be a wondeful experience.

Answer 6

It sounds like you are truely in love that you do not have the hangups that most people have. He's not going to be running off with someone else since he has an understanding wife that not only allows him to have s*x with another women but can have another man as well. The thing is ..... you know whom you're going home with. There is no jealously because you're allowing yourselves the experience.

Marriage is sacred and sounds like you have a good one. What is wrong is when people have affairs behind their spouses back. That won't happen with you since you're out in the open.

Answer 7

I can't speak for everyone but myself here. When I say what is the point of getting married or being in a relationship if you want other people like that? I mean to you guys it may seem realistic to allow each other to see others and you are happy about it. But why get married? and what makes you the most happy? That you can have your cake (husband) and eat it too (other guys)? I really don't understand that. Whats the point of finding the one if you want other ones? See to me that just says that you or your husband don't treat making love or being there for each other on that level as anything special. If you did you wouldn't need others at all in your relationship. Just how I see it.

Answer 8

jealously run deeper in some people than it does others.. and it is no surprise that people hate or fear what they don't or cant understand.. to most people swingers is just a another word for cheaters...only thing is they do it openly..i am not sure if i could do that my self .. just way to many things could go wrong.. what if you feel for the other person or you spouse did.. STD.. pregnancy.. i am sure you use all the caution about the last two.. but when i comes to the heart that could be hard to control..but if it works for you .. all the better.. i have heard people do enjoy that type of life style and have many friends..

Answer 9

I'm sure some couples really can handle it - but the reality is most cannot.

All the power to you then, but you must admit that you are in the minority for being able to be swingers without harming your marriage.

Answer 10

Many people object to it because of religious concerned, but everyone does not have the same religious views, and they should understand that. Others object it because it is an unknown; thus, it is easy to have a negative view. Others may have tried it or know someone who tried it and because it did not work out for these people assume it is bad for everyone. I, for one, know it can be an activity many couples find adds to their marriage. Swinging is not for everyone and many people going into it are not completely prepared for what is involved emotionally or physically, and it ends up being a bad experience which then gives swinging a bad name.