My fiance kissed another girl at a party. He doesnt remember it happening, and was beyond drunk. I told him I would stay with him if he quit drinking, which he was more then willing to do. (so i thought) After about a month of keeping his promise, I found out he started drinking behind my back. Needless to say, I lost all trust for him. He knows this, and is doing nothing to gain it back. He still lies about little things, so I havent been able to even begin trusting him again. But I love him VERY much, and he loves me very much too, plus we have a family together. The good times definitely override the bad, and we are getting married in a month. But it all kind of hit me that I was stupid to agree to marry him before our problems were fixed. But now that the wedding is so close, it has made me realize that I could be taking a huge risk. Why wont he just stop this stuff? I love him so much, and it hurts me so bad. I have never once lied to him, or betrayed him. What should I do?
2007-07-16 09:57:33 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hes not a raging alcoholic, thats the thing. I think he was on a fast track to that when all of this happened,(it was a year and a half ago) but he drinks maybe once a week now, if even. The problem is not alcoholism, it is trust. Other then trust, our relationship is perfect in all other ways. I know, trust is HUGE, but it is just a really weird situation. Thats why I am at a loss. We are very happy together, expect when this issue comes up.
2007-07-16 10:22:04 · update #1
You don't trust him and have good reason not to. The blackouts and false promises are just a couple of sure warnings. His actions are showing you that you better not marry him because he has a serious drinking problem that he can't and won't do anything to alleviate. Good times aside, if you tie the knot with him, they will disappear and everything that you are hoping for will turn horribly bad. No matter how much he says that he loves you, his addiction to alcohol has taken over his life and you will be one miserable person if you marry him. Due to the state of this situation, you have a valid reason for backing out on marrying him so don't feel pressured or forced to do something that will ultimately ruin your life. If you go through with it, It will be the worst thing you will ever do and you will live to regret it. Marriage is supposed to be a union of two people who can enrich each others lives. If you are having any doubts (and there are plenty weighing on you) about him making this sort of serious commitment to you, then you have every right and need, at the very least, to put this on hold. Like you say, this is a huge risk for you and frankly, not one worth taking while he is the way that he is. He won't "just stop this stuff" because he is physiologically unable to. No matter how much you love him he cannot change unless he gets real help, which is readily available, that he seriously needs. Your intentions about agreeing to marry him were not so much as being "stupid" but rather niave. Knowing what you've learned so far, if you do marry him that would indeed be stupid and wreckless and will prove your undoing. Granted, he probably is a good person and that is what you are trying to see in him. Unfortunately, he has a very bad addiction one that can't be easily "fixed" Hopefully, you will gain the strength to stand your ground and not go through with this.
Listen to glenn t . His insight is right on
2007-07-16 11:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let me frank and honest: Love will not conquer all, especially someone with a terrible drinking problem. He moves the problem into your life and in effect you now have the same problem that he has, because of all of the reprocussions of his addiction. Be wise. Only one life---dont mess it up first time around---Have seen it over and over again, good women trying to reform a drunk. It just doesnt happen---Best thing you can do for him and for you is to move on. A lifetime of torment is not worth a month of his honesty. TUNE HIM OUT
2007-07-16 17:03:57 · answer #2 · answered by glenn t 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You chose him and had babies with him out of wedlock and now that things aren't so rosey, you want to bail and leave them to be raised without a father in the home?? Incredible! You made your bed, now lie in it. For the sake of your child/children you OWE it to them to marry him and set a good example of what a mature committed relationship is all about.
2007-07-16 17:26:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lesleann 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seriously reconsider your relationship to this person*. I believe if you don't you will live to regret it*...
2007-07-16 18:11:42 · answer #4 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋