I've known my fiancé for 8 years. He's the love of my life. 2 years ago I moved out of state to be with him. 2 months later I found out that he cheated on me a month before I moved to be w/him. I was devastated, so was he. Not only am I a virgin waiting for marriage, but we have a strong Christian relationship as well. It's been a year now & we worked through a lot & got engaged. I look back & realize the act was completely out of character for him & I feel that he has changed for the better. He's gone to counseling (his idea), he's read books, he is 100% honest with me about everything, & makes it completely known that he wants to be with only me forever. We have never had any other problems in our relationship with trust or honesty. We're getting married next year & I just want to know, is it really possible for people to change? I feel like there's so much out there about chronic cheaters but if it happened once, & they repented & owned up to it, is it still foolish to trust again?
2007-07-16 08:48:39 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In response to Tapestry6 response, I am not living with him. We will not live together until we are married, I just moved to his state and got my own place.
I appreciate all the advice thus far
2007-07-16 09:07:05 · update #1
If you are hesitant to trust him, you shouldn't marry him.
2007-07-16 08:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Max 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the situation has healed itself. He obviously was unsure of your relationship before you committed to moving to the same state. Now he has re-dedicated himself to your relationship and that is good. Since you worked through a lot and got engaged a year later, after the incident, then what is the problem? I think you should call the engagement off until you are sure you can trust him again. He made a mistake and has done everything he can to prove how sorry he was and to become a better person. If you can still ask this question then you need more time to yourself. Good luck!
2007-07-16 16:24:59 · answer #2 · answered by cuddleyleo2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll have to follow your heart on this one...IF you feel he did this dumb thing once only; and you really believe he won't do it again then I guess it's OK to go ahead with the marriage you planned.
But you have to really think things over....They say cheaters never change. I'd say talk to your pastor or priest or church elders and ask for guidance...and do what your heart says it's right for you. Some people have a more forgiving nature than others....Some can overcome an affair, and some cannot. Everybody is different.
Remember---We can change NO ONE except ourselves! Even if we want to believe someone has changed, you must focus on their actions instead of their words. Talk is cheap!
Congratulations on waiting until marriage to live with him...
Good luck and ask God to help you make the right choice!
2007-07-16 16:19:50 · answer #3 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read the other answers to your question because I didn't want those answers to influence my answer. Many say "one a cheater, always a cheater". I say this is not the case. Everyone makes mistakes. But the marriage will never work if you don't forgive and forget. He can go to all the counseling he wants to but if you can't let this go and never bring it up it will never work for you two. If you can forgive him and forget that it ever happened for the rest of your life you have a chance. This really comes down to being more about you than him. It's easier to stop cheating than to forgive and forget.
2007-07-16 16:28:48 · answer #4 · answered by Sheriff of Yahoo! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe people change and it sounds as though he regretted it and he is very open in communication with you. I would let him know that you believe this is not acceptable and if it happens again you will hit the highway and never look back no matter how it hurts you, how much you cry, or how hard it is to do because you will not compromise being an option by someone. He has to want you and you only. If he confesses his sins unto Christ, he will be forgiven. We should exemplify that same forgiveness and I would suggest working it all out with him and never bringing it back up in his face if he truly regretted this mistake.
2007-07-16 15:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the great thing about repentance, "true repentance." If you give it up and truly leave it at the cross, then all is forgiven.
Now with cheating, God can forgive anything only by the blood of Jesus Christ, but we as humans have a harder time forgiving and forgetting. I will just say this, stay close to the Lord in prayer and let Him be your strength. Keep doing what your doing and keep the lines of communication open with your fiance and just trust in God.
"For the wages of sin is death"
2007-07-16 16:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by badunkadunkhunter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can change, absolutely, but you're already having cheating problems BEFORE you marry? Not a good sign. It's not really a cloud you want looming over your heads as you get into a marriage, esp with marriage as hard as it is.
If you do decide to go ahead with it, you're doing all the right things. But if you want to marry him still, you have to be willing to let it go and drop it. I don't know if you can do that, since you're still having doubts 2 years later.
It sounds like he is doing everything to repair the damage. Not to make excuses for him, but long-distance relationships are extremely difficult. If you truly think this was out of character, then go for it. Cheaters can reform, esp when they confess instead of being "caught."
Good luck to both of you.
2007-07-16 15:55:22 · answer #7 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People can change but they really have to want to change. Your finance has shown that he is sorry for his cheating and has sought counseling and has read books. Everyone makes mistakes. It is the repeat offenders that don't deserve second chances. Go ahead and stick it out with him He deserves another chance. Actions will speak volumes. If he cheats again in any shape or form then that is a deal breaker.
2007-07-16 15:55:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was the nature of your relationship before you moved out there?...did you both consider it to be a mutually exclusive relationship despite the distance?
Since you were not married or even near each other, I would not classify it as cheating...now its been two years since you moved close, it appears that he has done more than enough to prove himself....let it all go, trust him and enjoy your marriage!!
2007-07-16 16:25:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on the releationship he had with the other woman.
If its something that you found out on your own and he didnt tell you, then no I dont think he'll change. He was able to keep it from you and look you in your eyes and act as though nothing happened.
I know its hard, but this is something you are going to have to really think about. If you havent gotten over it yet, chances are you wont and he'll get sick of it.
2007-07-16 15:57:57 · answer #10 · answered by dirtdiva 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
congratulations on the engagement!
no its not foolish to trust again. w/o trust in the relationship, there is nothing. u need to trust him again to make the marriage a go.
yes it is very possible for ppl to change. my sweetie changed for me after a lil problem we had.(it was very similar to urs) I had to learn that even the most perfect guy for u makes mistakes sumtimes.
not every persont he cheats will cheat again. the ones that rele luv u wont do it again.
Good Luck n
Hope I Helped
``-Anna-``
2007-07-16 16:16:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋