please help!!!!!!?

Question

here's the deal. My husband and I are 25 and 26. we have been married for 6 months, but have known eachother for 10 years. we both have very good jobs, we are closing on our first home next week. it is a three bedroom brick home in the country. we have three cars, a big yard, and dogs. i have two step-children. one is 3 the other is 7. my husband and thier mother were never married. my husband pays child support and we have visitation. lately, the mother has gone from bad to worse. she is a known alcoholic, she takes zanax, valium, etc,. and im sure other street drugs. she curses frequently, she can't and will not keep a job, she goes from boyfriend to boyfriend, she has no car, and no morals in my opinion. she is 27. she lives with her parents who are just as bad. the children are exposed to terrible things. they come to visit and talk about beer, fighting, cursing, and prescription drugs. i love my step children and i feel as if they are being ruined! do we have a custody case?

if anyone has a related experience to share that would be great! where do we start? how much money does this sort of thing cost? i have no children of my own, so i am lost. all i know is this cannot be good for them.

Answer 1

The first thing you need to do is talk this over with your husband. Make sure he is willing to go down this road with you. The end result will most likely be the two of you obtaining custody of the children. If he is willing, you two need to contact child welfare and tell them all this that is going on. It would be best if you would start to keep a log with dates and/or times things happen, conversations that worry you, or the children's appearance when you pick them up. They will be more likely to investigate if you have documentation of the things you are accusing her of. You need to realize they will give her a chance to get her act together and keep her children. If she doesn't follow their rules, they will be removed from her, so make sure you let them know they can contact you at any time and you will be there immediately to get them kids. Make sure your house is ready to have them live with you as well as knowing what you will do for daycare or schooling if you both work. This is the best way to try first. If this does not make things better for the kids, you need to contact a lawyer and deal with it that way. Most likely you will be paying $10,000 or more if you have to go to court. Good luck!

Answer 2

I have no problem believing your story because the behavior you are describing is totally typical of many many mothers all over this country. The revealing thing about the horribleness of our legal system is that you would even need to ask if you have a custody case. In a decent country they would have taken the children from her long ago even if the father was not asking for custody. The important thing is to get a good lawyer and to keep records and to get witnesses. By far the most important thing is to get a good lawyer with a proven track record. If you get a bad lawyer even if you give him enough ammunition to sink a fleet of battleships he will not use it effectivly. My experience is that most cases are won by who has the better lawyer, not by who has the better case. It is desparatly important that you find the best lawyer that you can. Remember there are childrens lives at stake, the money is secondary. I am not putting in a plug for lawyers I am telling you from experience. Also. It is my opinion that you should go for eliminating her from the childrens lives completly. No visitation, nothing. In fact a permanent or at least a long restraining order might do. During which time (after a year or so I think) you could permanently eliminate her parental rights. Do not let yourselves be persuaded to do differently by thaughts of how unhappy this will make her. In other words do not allow your desire to have mercy on her cause you to hurt the children. Remember, if she loved the children she would not be engaging in the type of behavior that she is engaging in, and any contact that the children have with her will be harmful to them, even if it is only because she will be sabotaging your efforts to have a close relationship with them. and that they will be caught between two worlds, a good one and a bad one, but there would probably be more bad going on than just that. Also if you do not eliminate her from their lives permanently completly there is always the chance that she will somehow miraculasly gain custody of them again in the future. Once you have cut her out of the childrens lives completly, move away where she cannot find you. Psycho mothers have been known to kidnap their children who have been taken from them. I hope things go great for you and the children.

Answer 3

No, this doesn't sound like a good situation for the children. But use caution getting involved (for yourself..it will get rough). You will need to contact the local child protective agency and have the mother investigated, probably several times before anything can be done. While that is going on, start a custody case after the first investigation has finished. I can't tell you what it will cost....in most states you can do it yourself through family court with no lawyers, but be careful with that if she has access to money. You can always start out without a lawyer and higher one later..the paperwork is pretty easy (depending on your state).
Good Luck...but think of the kids.

Answer 4

Definitely, your hubby needs to go to the court and file an order to modify child custody, visitation, support. You have to be able to be patient as well as not take no for an answer. My hubby and I were in the same situation, except that my older step-son was sent to school with a bruised eye, a teacher reported it and the investigation ensued. But even after all that, evidence, she admitted to hitting him. The social workers were going to give the kids right back to her with no change. Well we went directly to the social workers office with the kids and they interviewed them with my hubby as well as alone, the kids were 6 and 7 at the time. We ended up with joint custody, but her time went from 75% to 15%. Huge difference and the kids are better off as well, the only thing is this is their mom regardless if she is clueless and in no way fit, the kids still love her, so maybe she can have visitation with supervision, or just no over night visits, because in the long run the only ones who will suffer are the kids. And a little tip, just be prepared that once these kids are in your hubby's custody, it will take a heck of a lot for that to get reversed. Being a step mom is hard and please make sure you and your hubby have time alone to strengthen your marriage, the kids need to see a good example of love and support.

Answer 5

You definitely have a custody case.
My cousin went through something similar almost 20 years ago, and he won custody of his children away from the mother. It was not an easy battle, but it was worth it for the children.
You and your husband need to prove to the courts that the children are better off with you. That shouldn't be too hard considering the mother's history.

Answer 6

The only person who could answer this question adequately will be a GOOD custody attorney.
Everyone can give you opinions, but it will REALLY depend upon the court system in your area (some judges are overworked and so just rush the cases through without really paying attention!), how good your attorney is, and how much proof you can actually provide (because its a matter of YOU providing the burden of proof of wrong-doing; not her proving her innocence - remember she's already got the kids).

Answer 7

Call child protective services in your area. They will investigate. If they deem her as unfit your husband could gain custody. If you want to do it through the court system, file a modification of parental custody. I think you can do it yourself or hire a good family court attorney. You can also ask her if you can keep them for the summer. You can slowly make it easier for her to go out and party until she gives them to you as a nuisance.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Contact Family Services and let them pay a visit. If they have reason to belive that the children are in danger, they will give custody to the father. If not, then you will have to go to Family Court to fight for custody.

Good luck

Answer 9

In my opinion you do not have a case. You would have to prove the children are neglected. Are the children willing to speak to Child wefare about their abuse?
Then they would probably put the mother in rehab. and put them back in her home.

Our Child welfare system is broken. They are not about the welfare of children.

It will probably cost $5000. just to get your case started. Child welfare will be brought into investigate your charges.

Call a few lawyers and ask them about it before you spend your money. Check with child welfare because they usually have the final word in removing children, and the courts usually go along with their opinion.

Child welfare usually will not remove a child until they show up in the emergency room with broken bones. Their motto is keep the family together. I have had dealings with child welfare and I would like to see their entire program changed.

Answer 10

Take her back to court & prove her unfit. Your right, it's not healthy for the kids.