I have a friend with benefit. We are both married. Because of a text message incident both our spouses found out about the affair. Both of our spouses forgave us. But we still want each other. Sex is fantastic, we do things to each other that our spouses can not. But the attraction is purely sexual, we have no other commonalities and attraction(except we also have great conversations). Although we do not care about the consequences of the affair, we are trying to do what is right. But the urge is absolutely difficult to resist. We work with each other, both supervisors so we have that constant contact. What (logical)advice can you give so we can maintain a platonic relationship?
Quitting our job is not an option
2007-07-16 08:36:38 · 42 answers · asked by loveanonymity 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel SO sorry for your spouses.
2007-07-16 08:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
If quitting the job is not an option, then quitting your marriage will be before you know it. You want to know the truth? The truth is that you're being a selfish, big baby. Why can't the sex with your spouse be better? Have you even discussed it? Have you been to a therapist about it? Have you considered what this could do to your family and your lovers'? Have you even tried to find a new job? It sounds to me like you haven't really tried to do anything. You're looking for an excuse to make the affair ok, and having failed to find that, you're making a half-assed attempt to get over it. You either want to have it both ways, or you want an easy way out. But you don't seem like you really want to do anything about it. What I recommend is getting some counseling to deal with your destructive behavior. You really need it, or you'll just keep sabotaging your marriage, and every other relationship you enter into in the future. Good luck!
2007-07-16 08:42:50 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get away from each other. Asked to be transfered to another area of the company or another building all together. That keeps either of you from quiting.
Then evaluate your marriage. What is it in the affair that you are seeking that you arn't getting at home? Be honest with your self. Talk with your spouse about what is going on.
And as far as not caring about the consequences then why are you staying married if you really could care less about your marriage which thats what you are making it sounds like by your statement.
You lost the platonic relationship when you had sex, when you commited adultry on your spouses. Which both of you should realize are very very lucky to have a spouse like them as they are so wonderful to keep either of you around.
2007-07-16 08:41:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have two choices: Divorce, and be together, OR end the affair. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Quitting may not be an option, but one of you might need to transfer to another office, maybe in another city to save both marriages. As long as you are both around each other, nothing will change.... that is, until your spouses finally get tired of you both and divorce you anyway. The spouses here deserve better than you two unfaithful self centered people anyway.
2007-07-16 08:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by Rav 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You two need to tell your spouses. If you do not care about the consequences then end the marriages and keep your affair. I would hope that your spouses do not have the internet b/c that would be a terrible way to find out the truth.
2007-07-16 08:42:22 · answer #5 · answered by llamma2006 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm, tough spot. Think of it this way, it's either the wacky sex with this person, or your marriage. If you need to change jobs to stop being around them, then that should be a real consideration for you.
Your problem is not one that has a logical cause, and as such, does not have a logical solution. The solution will be unpleasant and uncomfortable.
You already know what you need to do. What you are asking us is if there is an easy way to do it, and there isn't.
2007-07-16 08:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by largegrasseatingmonster 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you 2 have great sex, I'm afraid your relationship will never be platonic. You need to be more discreet (no text messages or anything that could make your spouses suspicious again.)
2007-07-16 08:51:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it from an old pro if you're going to play around never leave a trail electronically or by paper of an affair that way know one gets hurt.. What your spouse don't know can't hurt you or them..
2007-07-16 08:46:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maintain a professional work relationship ONLY. You might consider going to church. SELFISH!! Try to imagine what your spouse feels when you break their heart like that. You must not love them. It is obvious from reading your other posts that you are out of control and you definitely have feelings for this co-worker. Seek counseling, on your own or with your spouse.
2007-07-16 08:39:53 · answer #9 · answered by Sammy 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it is important that you don't have sex with them, then don't have sex with them. It is that simple. If you can't resist the urges then it really isn't that important that you stop. It sounds to me like this question is looking for justification in some way of your behavior. Like I am addicted to sex and just can't control myself. Well, I have news for you. I don't know many people that don't like sex.(I know many that can't ever seem to get any, but that is another story.) The fact is also, that you are married. If you don't value your marriage enough to stop then the right thing to do is get a divorce and then do whatever you want.
2007-07-16 08:42:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Consider ways to improve the sex experiences with your spouses. You are very fortunate that they forgave you the first time. Consider the consequences if you get caught cheating again.
2007-07-16 08:42:15 · answer #11 · answered by PrivacyNowPlease! 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋