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Question

I have been married for 10 years. During this time my marriage has been tumultuous at best. At the beginning of our marriage I was very possessive - and I didn't want to share my husband - with anyone. I'll admit - it was really a possession issue and insecurity on my part. There were also other issues going on...but I'll omit some of the details.

My husband doesn't work steady - it's been at least 3 years since he had steady employment. I have been working full time, sometimes two jobs in order to make ends meet.

About 4 years into our marriage he decided he hated where we lived, nothing was going right, we had to move. Prior to this we had been on the verge of being kicked out of every apartment we lived in because he couldn't control his temper. Never had an eviction - he also found a loophole but still looks really bad.

We moved to Las Vegas. Sold everything and uprooted our lives; I gave up a great job to move. Vegas was a nightmare!

The apartment we lived in was in a crime ridden area, we didn't have steady work - we both worked daily temporary for $40 a day. We were homeless for 3 days, my car was repossessed and I lost both my cats.

I was finally able to get a good job - but he wasn't happy living in Vegas. He pushed and pushed until I was able to transfer.

We moved to a state in the midwest - close to "home" but he wasn't happy there either. Once again he wasn't satisfied with how anything was going. My job wasn't good enough for him, he hated where he was living...etc.

I ended up kicking him out - but we reconciled and he came back.

I ended up getting a job in our "home" state - and he told me things would be different. He would start working...and things would be better.

Well they weren't. He was verbally abusive, addicted to marijuana, physically abusive at times - and not working on top of all this!

We were again in the same situation - he hated every place we lived, he didn't like anything.

After about a year and a half of being "home" he had a heart attack. He's a younger man and physically active so this was devastating. For me it was even harder because it was another excuse not to work.

In February of this year I was given the opportunity to move to another city and start a great job.

I left him - health problems and all - I left everything and moved.

He found me, begged me, advised he had no place to go and is now staying with me again.

He isn't happy where we are at once again. Thinks the place is too small, he doesn't know the city - I could go on and on.

He tells me I'm being selfish because I won't consider his feelings.

I tell him he's being selfish because this is something I want - and I want to pursue my career goals.

He's pushing me really hard to move - any advice on how to deal with this?

He's really depressed; but I'm to drop all!

Answer 1

Not sure what your looking for here but I would say get out of this marriage. I don't say that in most cases but it sounds like he is dragging you down with him. If you have to support him and he has an out of control temper and is abusive. I would get out of this as soon as possible.
You don't need him in your life.

Answer 2

So, what's your question? He is who he is, and he's not going to change any time soon. You have problems, sure - so do we all, but your problems don't require you to shackle yourself to someone who appears to be a disaster area, and getting progressively worse. Face it; his primary problem is himself. Doesn't matter where you go with him, he'll still be there. You can do better than that - even being on your own is better than that. Good luck!

Answer 3

tell him you make the money and you will stay where you are and work at the job you want.let him know when he is unhappy with your choices that he knows where the door is.