Grammar question: Reword this?

Question

Okay I'm editing a document that I did not write... and I'm a little confused with this sentence:

"And the healthcare provider’s office, laboratories, public health departments, and the abundance of other components that make up the healthcare system are vital to a health community."

I understand what it is saying, but I can't figure out how to put it coherently.

Any help with REWORDING that sentence?

Answer 1

In terms of the incoherence, it is caused by the presence of a list within the sentence. In short, KISS... keep it simple.

"All the components of the healthcare system are vital to a health community."

After that sentence, then you can go on to list the different aspects of the healthcare system and why they are vital. This way, the document is organized in a fashion that states the purpose (like a topic sentence) and then clarifies and explains, just like a good essay.

Also, the presence of 'and' as the first word indicates that the reader must have some prior knowledge as to what the writer means, therefore making it less coherent.

Answer 2

While simply removing "and" will help, the sentence is phrased in a way that most readers will have to read it twice to understand it. You are doing two things in one sentence, defining the system, and asserting its value. I would recommend using two sentences, or at least making a dependent clause appear close the the beginning where it can be clearly understood.

I would do one of the following:

a) "The healthcare system, which is vital to a health community, includes the healthcare provider’s office, laboratories, public health departments, and an abundance of other components."

b) "The healthcare system is vital to a health community. This system includes the healthcare provider’s office, laboratories, public health departments, and an abundance of other components."

c) "The healthcare provider’s office, laboratories, public health departments, and an abundance of other components make up the healthcare system. This overall system is vital to a health community."

Answer 3

The healthcare provider's office; it's laboratories, public health departments and AN abundance of other healthcare system components, are vital to a healthy community.

Answer 4

All of these are vital to the health community: the healthcare provider's office, laboratories, public health departments, and an abundance of other components that make up the health care system.


.

Answer 5

Get rid of the And. The healthcare provider's office, laboratories, public heath departments, and the abundance of other components that make up the healthcare system are vital to a health community. I think that's right...

Answer 6

The Healthcare systems, including the healthcare providers office, laboratories, public health departments, and an abundance of other components are vital to a health community.




Good enough!?

Answer 7

And the healthcare system, including the provider's office, laboratories, public health departments, and all other components, is vital to a healthy community.

Answer 8

A healthcare provider's office, laboratories, public health departments, and the other extensions that make up a healthcare system are all vital to a health community.

Answer 9

There is a broad abundance of principal add-ons within the healthcare process, which make it principal to the wellness group; a couple of of those incorporate the healthcare supplier's workplace, laboratories, and public wellness departments.