I don't love my wife anymore and a woman at work?

Question

really likes me and I'm getting those feelings like I did back in highschool 15 years ago when I met my wife. I will give her the house and give her support but I want to experience a new love as she is my first. She is the first girl that I have ever kissed and I want to see what a new women can offer. My wife will be devestated as well as out two boys but I think they will recover as I will try and get joint custody. She doesn't know about cindy as I have only met her 3 weeks ago but she tells me things that my wife never has. Always complementing me where my wife only nags! Should I make myself happy or stay miserable? I will not go to counceling because I want cindy.

Answer 1

It seems like you've already made up your mind, so why are you here, asking your question?

But since you are, here goes:

1. You have 15 years and 2 kids invested in your wife.
2. You only met Cindy 3 weeks ago.
3. You seem to have a serious case of "I think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome.
4. You have no basis for your statement that Cindy will make you happy.

Right now, you are experiencing the classic symptoms of the age old "lust". Go take a cold shower and think this through with the brain in your head instead of the brain in your groin.

Yes, your marriage may not be what you want it to be in idea, but it sounds like you have the marriage you want in practice. What have you done to keep your love for your wife as new as it was 15 years ago? What have you done to show your wife that you still find her attractive as a woman, how have you validated her position as wife, not just the mother of your kids?

Let me tell you 2 stories of 2 couples.

Couple 1 had been married for about 12 years when they came to the decision that they did not like the way their marriage was going. The flame had died and the routine was monotonous. They seemed to argue over the pettiest of issues. After talking to each other and friends, they decided that their marriage was worth saving. They went to marriage workshops and retreats given by their church, they sat down often and actually talked about what was bothering them. They agreed to tell each other several times a day that they loved each other and compliment each other about something at least once a day. At least once a month, they got the kids a pizza and a movie and got dressed up and went out on a date. It took them time and work, and still does to this day, but my parents are going to celebrate 28 years of marriage at the end of this month.

Couple 2 hit 15 years of marriage. They married just out of high school and waited for 7 years to have kids. At 15 years of marriage, a new woman started to go to their church. This woman was friendly towards the man, complimented him, and talked to and listened to him. At first, his wife was not threatened by their friendship and tried to befriend the woman as well. However, when the man started disappearing for hours at a time with the woman and talked to her frequently on the phone, the woman became uncomfortable and told her husband and the woman about her feelings. They both told her to mind her own business because they were "just friends". Eventually, the man left his wife for the other woman. After the divorce, he married the other woman. After being married to the other woman for just over a year, he left his new wife and moved back in with his ex-wife. He'd discovered that his new wife was just like the ex-wife. Just as demanding and sometimes just as petty. She was a regular woman, not the ideal he thought she was. Just as he was asking my aunt to remarry him, my uncle found out he had terminal cancer, and died within 6 months. He left my aunt and their daughters well taken care of and wishing that he'd never left her in the first place, because they lost the last 2 years of his life together.

These are stories of 2 couples I have known and watched all my life. Everything I've learned about perseverance in my own marriage, I've learned from them.

When my parents had a renewal ceremony on their 25th anniversary, my dad said something that has stuck with me, maybe it will help you, too. He said that, after 25 years of marriage, he could say that there were some very tough times. There were times both of them wanted to give up and walk away. But, they made a commitment to their marriage and after a few bad years, the decision to work to improve their marriage made all the difference. The last half of their marriage, up to that point, was more spectacular than he could ever have hoped for and dreamed of, especially after the first half of their marriage. His love for his wife had grown beyond his imagination, and was stronger than it was when they began dating at 15, than when they married at 21, and through everything that they had experienced. She was the only woman he ever wanted to be with.

Answer 2

You are CHOOSING NOT to love your wife. Love is a CHOICE. Not a feeling, or an emotion. "That" feeling comes because of the actions you take. In your entire question I saw the word "I" a whole lot, BUT you only mentioned your children once. Sounds like you are being selfish to me. Let me tell you that as amazing as Cindy might seem now...give her a couple years and she'll "nagg" just like your wife, you'll get boring and she'll get boring and you'll end up worse off. You are a married man and a father. Those SHOULD be your first priority. NOT your own happiness. You gave that up when you became a father. It should be about what is best for your kids! Also, it doesn't say much about Cindy's character to be "like that" with a married man. Obviously she has no respect for you, your WIFE, your KIDS, or herself. *If she's doing it WITH you, she'll do it TO you!!! So baically, you have a 2 choices... #1)CHOOSE to make your family priority and CHOOSE to be happy and CHOOSE to love your wife and leave "the other woman" alone and keep the covanent that you made before God and man. OR #2) you can CHOOSE to be selfish and make yourself TEMPORARILY happy and leave your family...

There is no gray area. It's black or white.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

This temporary happiness may just be an allusion. PLEASE DO NOT throw away 15 years of a commitment and 2 wonderful children for some who you've only known for 3 weeks! Give your marriage a chance.

Talk to your wife. Try to spice up your marriage and love life by doing new and spontaneous things. Try really hard to work things out. When you have exhausted all possibilities then you should consider some sort of leal separation or divorce (which I don't reccomend).

All relationships are terrific and wonderful in the beginning! What you are experiencing with this new woman is normal, but trust me you'll be feeling the same way about her after 15 years. It seems as though you still love your wife and family. I think you should try to work things out with her. Find out what your wife's feelings about the marriage areand move forward from there.

Answer 4

You need to give your wife a chance, go to counseling. This Cindy is a homewrecker and of course will tell you things that your wife doesn't, she just met you three weeks ago. Talk to your wife about the nagging; {when people say always, it's not true} You are just looking for the bad things in your wife so you can cheat. Don't follow your penis and make a big mistake.

Answer 5

You haven't tried anything shut up!!! how can you have done that when your making time with another women you should be ashamed of yourself. You aren't trying and you want someone to feel sorry for you you made space for some woman when that space you made should have been trying to get things right with your family. Your a coward I can tell you what you should do stop messing wuth that woman committing adultery and get back to your go home or where ever you are and talk to her without arguing and let her know how you feel and work this thing out cut the cheating NOW!!!

Answer 6

just to let you know the grass is never greener on the other side and all woman nags . When things are fresh and new things are good but when things are same old same you may think you want something new . Before you give up your marriage id sit down and talk to your wife and see if you both should stay together or not . Remember your kids will be hurt most of all not your wife your wife probly find someone new too .

Answer 7

It sounds like the seven year itch my friend. If she doesn't mind messing with a married man, what's going to happen when you move in with her and, how long is it going to last.
Why don't you get your head together and look back at the grass on your side of the fence, it's still just as green as ever.
Maybe you haven't been doing so great either you know, have you thought about that Pal. Maybe your wife has a few things to say about you, why don't you let her contact your new sweety and tell her.

These work love affairs never have worked out, they always fall on the side of the road after awhile, it wears out real fast. How many other guys are getting their pole polished by her.
Three weeks you say, don't be a fool, no one falls this much in love, enough to leave their wife, in three weeks.

Answer 8

Here's the thing man,,,, The new girl is gonna make you happy, but for how long? she just may get tired of yo uin a few months,,, then be sick at the sight of you ,,, mainly cause you will treat her like she is your wife (cause thats all you know for so many years). And she will think you are a freak!

I konw this cause this is what happened to me... then in the end, you leave your wife,, the new girl leaves you... and the next thing you know you are stuck at your moms house with no one to go to!

So here's the thing, why don't you hang out with your new GF but don't get divorced.... see how long it takes for Cindy to dump you...... then after that emotional rollercoster is over,,, be thankful your wife puts up with your c r a p for such a long time.... lol

Remember "the grass is not greener on the other side" thats very true...

Answer 9

First, you do not really know Cindy yet. When she gets married or you are into a long-term relationship, she won't be the same as she is now.

So you need to take off the rose colored glasses. You need to find your mature self and get things patched up at home. Counseling would be good. You might get some for yourself first, privately. Then go as a couple to get things patched up. And it needs to be about both of you, not just you complaining about her.

Why do this? Because the toll on your children will be more than you can imagine.

Answer 10

Honestly, you say you only met her 3 weeks ago and you already want her more then your wife? If you don't love your wife anymore and you think you may cheat on her get a divorce. It is worse to cheat then let her know it is over, leave, then begin this new life. But either way, you are going to hurt your family. This happens daily. With men and women. But it sounds like you just want something new, you don't really care about this women cindy, you just want new sex. In my opinion you are going to find you care more about your wife and you will want her back, but she is not going to take you back. Just think about it before you make a decision.

Answer 11

I think maybe your wife deserves an explination of why you are miserable. Did you ever think that her actions towards you may quite possibly a reaction to the way you treat her?

Cindy has only known you 3 weeks. Your charm will wear off for her too if you treat her with the disrespect that you are giving your wife right now!