My best friend who is 18, just told me she loves a 30 year old man who has at least one kid, about 3 years old, that I know of and a wife. He apparently has told her he loves her too, and I am not suppose to try and stop it or do anything about it but I am so freaked out and disturbed and feel like I dont even know her anymore. What do I do?!? I have no idea what to tell her or how to react. I am just really really concerned! I for the life of me do not want anything to happen between them, and have never experienced anything like this before. How can someone have the mindset to do something like this? She says they just have a connection and that I don't understand but I am the only one she can talk to about it. I dont want to know about it! This is my best friend for going on 7 years and this is so out of character. I never knew this was possible. What the hell is wrong with her?!?!? Please give me some advice, I am so bothered and concerned for her.
2007-07-16 06:56:59 · 17 answers · asked by imnotgay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my cousin, who is one of my very best friends, did exactly the same thing when she was 18. He was married because "he got her pregnant and he was doing the right thing", yeah right. He was and is a creep. I told my cousin that the age difference was a real problem, that taking care of someone Else's child is very hard, and she would have to be a good parent to this child on weekends or vacations, she's not just taking on the man but the children too. That if he is cheating with her, he will cheat on her..He did divorce his wife because something younger and prettier came along. But I told her what I thought and she stayed away for awhile. I never brought it up again because she knew how I felt and then I dropped it until she needed to talk about it. She had two children, girls which he call cu_ ts (charming huh? his own daughters) and she finally left him when he did that. However, she became an alcoholic and still is, she later found out, even though the whole town knew, he was cheating on her. Her life with him was crap.
2007-07-16 07:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by MaY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's really nothing you can do besides break off your friendship with her. This is something she needs to handle on her own, and there's really not a whole lot you can do about that.
How can somehave that mindset? Well, I don't really know how to answer that; when you fall in love, everything (including the consequences of your actions) seems to fade away. Believe me, I would know - I fell in love with my best friend who is also married. Tell her that the road she's taking has an extremely small chance of ending happily; she's on the road to heartbreak, but I think we both know she won't turn back until it's too late.
Love changes everything, so take that into consideration when you question her character. I know that there doesn't seem to be anything that can redeem your friend in your eyes, but if you love your best friend you need to be there for her anyway. You need to know that this will cause her more pain than she's ever dealt with before, and when your best friend is hit by reality she's going to need you more than any other. My friends are the only thing that helped me survive my ordeal, and if you abandon her in this I for one wouldn't want to think about the negative possibilities that that action would cause. :{
I hope this helped, and I'm praying for both of you....
2007-07-16 14:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is 18...this guy is 30. Have either of you considered the possibility that this guy could very well be a pedifile? At the very least he's a sleeze bag and a creep to 1) jepardize his marriage, 2) hurt his child, 3) lie to and use your friend (he does NOT love her--trust me, I know) and 4) possibly be breaking the law.
You should tell your friend's parents about this situation as soon as possible and let them intervene. You are not being a snitch to do this--you are being a good friend. If she dumps on you because of it then she's not a friend after all.
2007-07-16 14:06:02 · answer #3 · answered by chaimail04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your friend a few questions to ponder.
1. How do you think you would feel if you were in his wife's shoes?
2. Do you honestly think he will leave his wife for you? Married men who are cheating rarely do.
3. Are you ready to be a step mother and pay another woman child support and possible alimony for the rest of your life and to deal with a step daughter who will resent you?
Let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything along the way.
2007-07-16 14:15:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through something similar. My very good friend is in a relationship with someone who uses her and takes her money and treats her like garbage. Everyone who cares about her has talked to her about it. Ultimately, there's nothing I can do to make the situation better. So I'm not trying anymore. I also feel like I can't help soothe her any more, when he takes off and leaves her, and she takes him back again. I'm at the point where I want her to respect my wishes by not involving me in this anymore. I wish her the best luck in the world, but it literally tears me apart to see her go through this and I can't do it anymore.
2007-07-16 14:02:58 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. Mimsie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all: bravo to you for not condoning her behavior. you are far more mature for your age than she is. let her know that you are still her friend but you are not interested in this situation and you don't want any of the details. you can't stop this. she is making her own (very bad) decisions.
I'm 31 years old so let me offer you some advice from experience: you may find that the two of you have very different views on life and may grow apart after this. I've grown apart from many friends due to different views. try not to worry too much. many people come and go in our life. you're still young. good luck!
2007-07-16 14:09:01 · answer #6 · answered by Mii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a time in your life when you have to decide what's more important, being her friend, or having a moral code. Personally, I think anyone willing to mess around with a married man with children is crossing my moral code and I would let them know that they are only headed for heartache and trouble. Then I would distance myself from that person, unless it was someone I really really cared for and was worried about. It's a tough call.
2007-07-16 14:13:32 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. The connection is sex.
2. You have no control.
3. Stand back and wait for the chance to point out the moral problems and the big trouble she is headed for. You will have to wait till it cools off a bit.
2007-07-16 14:00:57 · answer #8 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell her, she can talk to you about anything, except about her relationship with the married man... tell her it's cause you feel so strongly against that... and that it's making you sick...
if she agrees then go for it.. when she begins to talk about her married friend,,, you have to allways tell her you're gonna leave now... so she gets the idea...
just so you know... single and married girls fall in love with married men all the time.... its about the connection they have,, the feeling they get when they are together... the married guy does not get that feeling from his wife anymore,, and your 18 yr. old girlfreind, has never felt that feeling cause she is sooo young.... she can't control it.....
anywayz... good luck
2007-07-16 14:09:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her the book "After the Affair". This book will help paint a clear picture of the pain and anguish she's about to cause. If that doesn't work find a new best friend!
2007-07-16 14:08:45 · answer #10 · answered by chris m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋