what makes marriage so scary to some people?

Question

Hi, i know the classic "dont buy the cow when you get the milk for free" bit but this is my situation, ive been with someone for 9 years, we own a home, we have 2 children.. we have a great relationship, after all these years we have been through the fire and back and we are great, except that i want marriage. i dont mean a wedding, id be happy (we dont have a ton of money) to go to the justice of the peace just to be his wife but he shuts me down after the mention of it.. saying that he wants to but theres always an excuse.. some would say at this point why bother but i say why not bother! I know maybe i am talking about doing things alittle backward but at this point any way we do it would be backward..hahhah. i mean please give me some insight that maybe im not seeing into what this man is thinking, hes very independent, we both work and have our own bank accts, ive said i like it that way so what is on his mind, any clues.. girls and guys advice welcome. its not like i want his $

Answer 1

Marriage is important to some people, to others it is not.The two of you need to have a real talk.Find out his reasons for not wanting to get married.If you can't reach an agreement then you have to decide what is more important,Being with him or leaving and finding someone else that isn't scared of marriage.There is nothing wrong with being scared but after 9 years of being together he should know if he wants to marry you or not.Set a time limit in your mind,don't tell him.If he doesn't ask you to marry him by then leave and get on with your life or either you can stay and plan to be happy the way things are.

Answer 2

After reading the other answers, I can see that alot of married/involved people go through the same thing; me included. I have been married for almost 8 yrs and the night before we said "I do" I wanted to run far, far away! I think that your b-friend is experiencing what all people do when faced w/ the ultimate commitment. I, too, am interested in hearing some of his reasons for not wanting to be married... At this point, if you live in a common law state, I think you're entitled to 1/2 of the belongings, etc., anyway so I hope he's not scared of that. Have you told him that you just want a simple wedding? Maybe he thinks you want a big event...? Good luck! I hope that it all works out for you and your family.

Answer 3

I would say it's about trust and feeling trapped. Right now, he can still walk away if he wanted to (even with everything you have together), but when you get married you can't. You have to get a lawyer to do that and even then there's division of property. I'm not saying that he wants to leave you; he probably doesn't and he loves you. It's just the idea that he's still free. Marriage is associated with a ball and chain and it's hard to get rid of that image. He probably says no for the same reason you want to say yes. At this point it may seem like a technicality, but either way it seems like a big thing. But this is just a guess; the only way to know is to ask.

Answer 4

Four common reasons why people are scared by marriage:
1. Their last divorce cost them too much money.
2. They are worried that sex will stop (a lot of people believe that once you get married, some of the passion gets lost...now that you are always a sure thing, so to speak).
3. They have something to hide (financial assets, a gambling problem.,,..something else that could be discovered if you started to share bank accounts, etc).
4. They have no examples of a good marriage. Some people come form families where everyone was divorced...so they have no role model of a good marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 5

My girlfriend was great before she became my wife. She had a positive attitude, was my friend, and our sex life was great. She "guided" me into marriage with promises of the rest of our life this way.

Then after a few years of marriage she started to get a bad attitude, turned the taps off in the bedroom, stopped spending time with me, and where she was once a positive person she complains all the time about the most unimportant things.

Your boyfriend is a smart, smart man.

Answer 6

To some men marriage is the so called "last call". Basically they realize that "Damn this is the last girl Im going to be with for the rest of my life!" and they start to get a sense of losing their freedom.....Honestly he can leave without any serious attachments but when you get married its more things a stake......for you I hope yall can get over this hump..maybe you should sit down and talk out the real reason he doesnt want to make that step.....

hope this helps

Answer 7

I'll tell you why. Because the husband ultimately loses control of the relationship after marriage. The woman can get fat, cheat, lie, steal etc. It doesn't matter. The divorce comes, and the man will have to give up 1/2 his salary for up to 18 years to the woman who will blow it on getting hair, nails done...other men...whatever else.

There is your answer.

Answer 8

Did he had any previous marriages? I'm thinking of the same thing, after I tried marriage, I wouldn't want to do it again if I could turn back the clock.

Answer 9

It is interesting that no where in your question did you mention what he says when you want to talk about it. Maybe you have a relationship of convenience and not love. Otherwise, one would think that you know exactly what his opinion is on this subject.

Answer 10

I wasn't scared at the time...but I was SOOOO uninformed. I thought it was the right thing to do so I did it.

Bummer.

This 4 life and till death business really sucks.

By the way...why ruin a good thing with marriage?