What do you do about the sister-n-law who know one likes?

Question

Almost all of my in-law family thinks that my brother-n-law's new wife is a "gold digger". We really think that she married him for the families money. Which there isn't any. This is only one of the many issues we have. She is very controlling and we think that my brother-n-law has pretty muched sacrificed his family, friends and life for her. She says that it's not that way. We don't want to loose him but someone who says one thing and does another what do you do? For someone who wants so desparately a family she's doing a great job of pushing us all away. IF you look up SOCIOPATH it fits her to a tee. All of us has done our best to be as civil as we can. Some of us has openly admitted our dislike for her. She can't understand why. No amount of answers will justify it for her. What can we do were it's not going to cause further stress in our family? IT has put a real strain on family get togethers. There is none anymore because of her.

Answer 1

They say you don't marry your companions family, but that is so very untrue. When you get married you take on a whole new set of people, opinions, suggestions and values.
I have a sociopathic inlaw as well. I was very honest about my dislike for them, but they continued to pursue their need for control over my feelings. I tend to let people be themselves without judging them, as I feel to each his own, but in this particular situation ties were cut between family members who had been the best of friends and it was very unfortunate. All you can do is hope that one day your brother in law sees the forest through the trees and leaves her on his own. Unfortunately this is entirely up to him and you will have to sit back and watch him struggle and fail over and over until he has had enough. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

There are two people who are going to suffer here - her and your brother-in-law. He had to have a reason to marry her - now, you just have to figure out what that reason is.
OK, there's not really any money there. Maybe she just treats every situation the way a gold-digger treats situations but underlying her obnoxious attitude, she does love your brother-in-law. Maybe he is well aware that this attitude of hers doesn't really jibe with the reality of his bankbook but he takes it to be flattery that she treats him that way. Go figure!
She's controlling. Is that a new thing or is it just what he seems to like - some men don't mind a woman 'taking over' even if it is perceived to cut off the rest of the family.
Who's losing here? If your brother-in-law is miserable (it doesn't sound like he is), is it because of her behavior or the family's behavior in reacting to her?
What you can do to not cause further stress in the family: relax a whole lot about what you expect for this brother-in-law. If you're not having family get-togethers anymore because everything she says or does makes you all crazy, then you've got a tight little group there but tight in a way that's not good. Your brother-in-law had the power to make a lot of huge mistakes in his life and this is the worst he could come up with? He could have married a guy, an 18-year-old, a kleptomaniac, a convicted felon, a woman old enough to be his mother or someone who can hardly speak English and you would have had problems with every single one. YES, it could be worse. She's not so special.

Answer 3

Since you all have let one person divide a whole family, there is nothing else for you to do. She have accomplished what she have set out to do. So now that you all are pulling your hair out over the dislike of her, not seeing each other and no doubt sitting around making her the topic of the evening, she's so happy. If she was that bad, then let him deal with it. If there's no money for her to get, then let her see that she's not digging gold, it's dust. Maybe she'll go away. If there is no money, then she can't be a gold digger. All you can do is love and pray for him. It is his life and his business. You all should stay out of it. If she bother you all that much. Just don't talk to her. That makes you all fake and stooping to her level of the way she does things. It is sad that you all have let one human being, stop you all from fellowship with one another. Then have you ever thought that maybe she has a mental problem, that's why she can't see what she is doing wrong?

Answer 4

I feel for ya man, my brother married someone like that. She spent 9 years making him miserable, and keeping the family at arms length, (unless she wanted something from the familty). What we decided to do was not go on the attack. We let my brother know that we were always there for him, and if he needed anything, we were just a phone call away. It took him 9 years, and her cheating 3 times before he would leave her. All that time we just let him know that we supported him. He is now married to a wonderful women, and is very happy...The best part is now he really likes to be around the rest of the family. Good luck, and be patient.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, if you love your brother in law, you have to tolerate her. That will include biting your tongue from time to time. Just hope he comes to his senses. My uncle's wife did her best to alienate our whole family. She would come to visit with my grandmother, who was in her 90s (and never said a negative word to this evil woman) and just sit there scowling without saying anything. But my mother and grandmother were always polite to her for my Uncle's sake.
Now my uncle is gone and she is alone. So don't feel bad. What goes around usually comes around. So if she's up to no good, she'll get hers. If you love your brother in law, then it's worth the trouble to put up with her. Continue your family get togethers. They're really important!

Answer 6

You let one person ruin a family get together for life!
Come on! Ignore her happy go loser ways and just keep having them.
Accept for who she is and maybe the brother in law will be able to see it for himself instead of everyone else telling her, dropping the get togethers makes you guys look like the quick to act quick to assume people. Let her reck it herself and just laugh along with everyone else and move on, WITH the gatherings.

Answer 7

My condolences to you and your husband on the shortcoming of your useful Riley. Congratulations on your modern-day being pregnant and advantages on the toddler! in the nineteenth century and previously, it replaced into very elementary to lose infants after delivery and later, the couple would call yet another toddler that survived after the lost toddler as a tribute and remembrance and it replaced into seen very particular to be named for a lost sibling! Now, your SIL replaced into particularly insensitive, for my section, whilst she did no longer even ask you in case you would be pleased together with her naming her newborn Riley. do no longer enable her brush aside of your thoughts dictate what you will do, although. bypass forward and contact your toddler Riley, too, or use it as a center call. Who cares if 2 cousins have the comparable call? it incredibly is in no way exceptional and particular your Riley would produce different Rileys of their college training, besides.

Answer 8

you are a in-law to them as well.......
i think you are making the problem out to be worse then what it is........you really make it sound like she is the one the family likes and not you.......that's why there is no more get together........and besides why does the in-laws [you] think they should have a say so on everything the husband's family plans? sounds like you need to get a life........sorry but that's how i see it..

Answer 9

Since, you tried everything else,try God.Pray about it and let it go.You dont want to push him any closer to her,so step back.Things will get better.She feeds off of yall not liking her.