or is it that you have been there done that. I know that there is way more to a happy marriage than sex but after 15 years is it normal to expect forplay from either party to be reduced to a single sentence along the lines of "do me the kids are with grandma". I'm young enough to still remember the exitement that I felt just thinking about being alone with my beautiful bride. Now it's more of a duty or just something to break up the day from time to time. I've even caught myself thinking of it as pretty decent exercise for getting to heart rate up. I think that I am very romatic (not 24/7) but at times and even then while the closeness is wonderfull, the physical part of it is just methodical to the point of being, dare I say, boring. Is this as good as it gets? Are there any long timers out there with ideas to rekindle the seductive juices in a marriage? or are we just to snuggle and cuddle ourselves into old age bliss?
2007-07-16 06:43:04 · 21 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course my wife tells me she doesn't need romance she needs help with the housework. She tells me that if a man shows how much he cares for her by helping around the house without being asked that is the best form of foreplay! It doesn't always take a grand gesture just a little thoughtfulness. Then she might not be to tired to muster a little foreplay.
2007-07-16 07:11:46 · update #1
Yes a pie and a pint does you more good and more satisfaction
2007-07-24 05:00:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, believe it or not, helping around the house will go along way toward improving intimacy. Try something like "Friday Flowers". For no reason, pick her up some of her favorite flowers on your way home from work. When you come in at the end of the day, ask her how her day has been, and then actually listen. If the mechanical part of your intimacy is an issue for you, talk to her, and again I'll say, listen to her.
The bottom line here is, you have to talk to each other about this, you're not going to get the exact answers you need by asking strangers. (sorry Yahoo)
2007-07-24 13:33:23 · answer #2 · answered by DWM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smile. Does your wife know how lucky she is? Well, I have been married for over 17 years, and romance has always been my department. I don't mind ( I am a creative half on our team anyhow ), but a girl can dream... Smile...
Long years of marriage tend to slow down the excitement, unless you do something about it. Different women enjoy different things: I consider very romantic a day at the spa, while my man is taking care of our child and the house work. That puts me in a very sexy mood. Your wife sounds a lot like me... It could be something small : like a trip to the hair dresser, lingerie shopping ( at the end, you both will enjoy playing with it ) , romantic dinner date etc. You do know what I am talking about?.. There is also other side of the problem: sexual. Routine, boredom in the bedroom... I deal with it by breaking my routine: my man loves surprises. Toys could be exciting, there are also different techniques, that you can learn about on Internet , scented massages and oils... and flowers... and most importantly compliments. Women need encouragement no matter how tired we are. And one more thing: kissing for no reason at every opportunity just like you did when you first fell in love. Good luck sweetheart!
2007-07-23 00:02:43 · answer #3 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The day to day activities do tend to start to dull and make things "routine". With all the pressures of life eating away the time, it takes planning to create an atmosphere of romance/seduction at time. If you have children, plan for someone to watch them and plan a date. Set up ground rules that this is your time together and don't talk about any of the mundane daily chores/responsibilities i.e. bills, children's school or problems, etc. Communicate to your wife exactly what you need. Ask her what she needs to get her in the mood. What would truly turn her own. Spice things up. Maybe there some deep dark fantasy to full fill.
When women are tired they have a hard time truly committing to the act of love making. Our minds go a mile a minute, trying to juggle all of our responsibilities. Men seem to more easily turn off the cares of the day.
It takes some effort, but just talk with your wife and together plan some times to have a date or intimate time alone.
2007-07-21 00:39:34 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are feeling. My wife and I have a 2 year old pretty much with no break. We have to sneak in a quickie when my daughter is with us for weekend visitation. She is only 10 so we are limited on the amount of time she is able to watch her. I thought I would have an answer for you but after I started thinking about it I am facing the same delima. There is a lot of web sites with tons of ideas and I have used some them (before the kiddo was born LOL); don't get me wrong I love my daughter with all of my heart. Just type romantic ideas in the old yahoo search bar and it is wide open suggestions. Good Luck!
2007-07-23 08:11:50 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Romance her! Take her to or fix her a beautiful meal next time the kids are at grandmas. Include a nice wine she'll enjoy and a decadent dessert, too. Stroke her arm, play with her hair, do all the things you used to do (and possibly still do) while letting her know how beautiful she is to you.
One thing you might like is to get the Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman. Read it, figure out her love language and start speaking it. It could be that her love tank isn't as full as it could be & just doing that simple thing will revitalize your sex life.
Consider yourself blessed, though, that she initiates it. Sometimes with the responsibilities of the kids and house & all I just forget about sex and how wonderful it is and fail to take any initiative.
2007-07-16 13:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by StacieG 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't forget, you just get busy, you both have to make it a priority
Plan a weekend away together, and spice it up with something different that you don't normally do, whether it's a toy, outfit, porn, whatever that is different to change the dynamic.
Afterward talk about keeping the feeling alive in ordinary life. If she wants you to help with housework, tell her you are willing but demand that she let you take care of it instead of controlling how you do it and so forth. (A lot of women are control freaks and are only satisfies if they do it themselves, then they areso surprised that their husband won't help!)
One more idea: if it doesn't make her paranoid (ask her first) keep track of when you do and don't have sex. If she is busy she might be surprised that it is down to twice a month when she thought it was twice last week!
2007-07-23 15:47:07 · answer #7 · answered by yyyyyy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to juggle all of the responsibilities of the world and be a seductive mistress at night. I hate to tell you but she gave you the formula to turn her on. As I get older, I have noticed the hottest thing a man can do for me is fold the laundry. If he really wants to turn me on and get me ready, he can take the trash out, wash my car, and fill it up with gas so it is less I have to do at 6 am on my way out to work. To a woman these things say, "I appriciate you enough to make things easier on you on hard days." It says to her, "I know how much you do for me and I love you enough to make your day easier." You will find your wife far more romantic if she doesn't have to fall into bed out of complete exhaustion. If you take an afternoon off and make dinner and catch up the household stuff before she gets home and get a baby sitter you may get the best you ever had even before marriage :-)
Good luck. If you listen to her a little more closely she is apt to tell you exactly what it is she needs the most.
2007-07-20 15:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by Shana N 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dude.... were you even listening??? Your poor mate is so caught up with all the household chores and kids that she ain't got no mood for it... Try doing all she does in a day and tell us here if you'd still find the mood for sex after that?
That's the whole problem with marriages falling sour... people don't listen... they hear but they don't listen...
Yes, sex is important but communication is more important... there are many suggestions here and they're all good... but if you want a healthy marriage, you have to help out around the house...
Good luck.
2007-07-24 13:42:45 · answer #9 · answered by The Sleepy Ghost . 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your wife man. She knows what shes talking about. Men can do it anytime, anywhere. Women need to be totally relaxed and stress free to be able to get in the mood. If your wife is telling you that helping around the house will help her get in the mood then listen! We've been married for 26 years and even today it takes work. You have to do all you can to keep the romance alive in your marriage. Look for ways to pep it up and do what it takes-even if its doing the dishes!
2007-07-23 22:09:03 · answer #10 · answered by Angie O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is right. If she spent less time doing chores, she might have more energy for other activities. Try helping her with chores, then running her a bath. Then help her with the bath :) .My husband is always more irresistible while he's vacuuming or doing dishes.
With kids in the house, its hard to be spontaneous. Plan a weekend to yourselves. Let the kids sleep over at a friends/cousins house. Talk to their parents and agree to do the same thing for them. Trust me everyone wants a break.
2007-07-24 13:00:00 · answer #11 · answered by blue_dragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋