any advice?

Question

I feel like my husband is a diiferent person when he's around me. I see when he's around his friends and coworkers, and he has a good time and he has a ton of stories to talk about. But when he is alone with me....he never has anything much to say. I try to show that I'm also intrested in what he has to say, but it just dosen't work. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying to make this work. It feels like he has given up. Like he's tired of me being around. I don't know what else i can do anymore.

Answer 1

Please tell him just what you said here if you have not. Your feelings are yours and therefore important. However, he may have something to share as well.

If you do not talk to him, just like you did here, then you are not giving yourself, or the marriage the credit it deserves.

I think counseling may be in your futures, however, you need to talk to him first to see if he can validate your feelings, and so that you can hear his.

Also know that as we age we become less infatuated with our partners. We my still love them, but when you see someone everyday, it can just happen.

Also, as part of talking to him, he may be upset at you. I know as a man I tend to forgive things fairly easily, however, I DO remember them, and in time it can change how I am feeling about you.

Again, MAKE time to sit with him and talk, and just remember that it's not so much what you say it, but HOW you say it. Make sure you get it all out, and allow him to do the same without fighting. Just talk.

From there, decide on a course of action. Counseling may be necessary if you cannot come up with discovery and solutions on your own.

Good luck!

Answer 2

You didn't say how long you've been married but sometimes people who have been together a long time feel like they 've said all that there is to say to each other. Daily chatting gets harder. Have you talked to him about this? Do you initiate conversations that are fun and interesting..instead of "the faucet is dripping again" type of topics? If all else fails try counseling even if it's just you going to start with. Maybe if you plan a "date" with him to a restaurant he particular likes and write down interesting things to talk about and interject your feelings into the conversation you might find out whats on his mind. Good luck!

Answer 3

He probably doesn't have much to say because he's told all the old stories and all the jokes.

My suggestion is to get involved in a couple's group (adventure clubs, bible study, etc.), take class together, or get a hobby that interests you both that you can work on. Read the same book and talk about it. Go out together to different places. Be adventurous.

Some how you have to clear out the tired. This is assuming there's nothing else wrong in your relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Try sharing some of your stories with him. Men often feel the need to one-up one another, and this may stimulate him to opening up to you, and trying to one-up your story. Without knowing if you've discouraged him in some way from telling you stories about being around the boys and such, I can't really give you any further advice.

That said, try to keep the conversations light and funny. Maybe he'll feel free to open up more if there are no repercussions when he is honest.

Answer 5

Talk to him about how you feel about it and why. Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (I feel lonely when you don't talk to me like you talk to your friends because I'm interested in your stories, too).

I don't know if you ever heard this or not, but there's a statistic that men have to say something like 5,000 words a day & women have to say 50,000 words a day (those aren't the numbers, but they illustrate that there's a vast difference between the genders). It could be that he says them all when he's out & about & has none left when he's with you.

It could be that he feels compelled to be someone he's not really when he with other folks but he's comfortable being himself with you.

Talk to him & find out the reasons. It's likely that the reasons are very different than what you suspect.

Answer 6

That's funny b/c I'm going thru the same thing w/ my husband right now. I've just started being a beyuch and making him kiss my azz b/c I'm tired of being on the other end of the stick. I've also decided 2 hang out w/ my friends more and let him miss me. I've got other things 2 do besides beg him 2 pay me attention. U do the same-Good Luck

Answer 7

conversation feels like work to men. When they go out, they expect to do the "work" of being social and interacting. But home, to them, means unwinding, kicking back, relaxing, being "themselves". Often this means they don't want to keep up the same level of energy it requires to talk so much.

At the same time, you deserve someone who cares how you feel and listens to you. Maybe there's a way to strike a balance in the middle?

Answer 8

Don't take it an an insult! He's just comfortable around you and doesn't feel like he needs to make mindless chatter or put on false fronts just to be in your presence! Take it as a compliment that you can be silent and be together!

Answer 9

I sympathize with with you....Sometimes, when you have been married a while, your partner may start to take you for granted. You should tell him how you feel, and suggest counseling, if you want to make your relationship better. Don't wait, this could get worse with time.

Answer 10

My step-father is like that around my mother, and she just deals with it. My husband gets like that around my family too, but not when he's just with me. The only thing I can think of, is my mom "nags" alot. Take a step back and think. Do you get on his case alot? Do you complain or whine around him? I'm not saying you do, but sometimes we women do that without realizing it. So, if you think you may be doing this, he may just be tuning you out.