How do you decide between your marriage and a bisexual relationship when you are not sure which you want more?

Question

In the case of having a husband that was cool with the idea of you having a female as a partner then gives you an altimatium to choose between them... you love having both in your llife but now it comes down to a choice and you think you might perfer to be in a relationship with the female because u might be more lesbian than bi-sexual still you are not quite sure...keeping in mind that you have been married an involve with your husband for almost 15yrs but you always knew that you liked females too..

Answer 1

Wow thats pretty complicated. I'm going to lean more towards the side that you made a commitment to this man and that means something. I think you should honor that. But if you decide that you can't live without this other women, and your going to sneak around anyways then it might be better to let your husband go so he has the oppertunity to meet someone else and be happy.
But your so unsure, if you knew for sure that you were gay and were living a lie being in your marriage it would be an easy decision. But your not sure... Doesn't that say something to you. That maybe you can live without this other part of you and be happy in your marriage. Think about it hun. 15 years is a long time, and it means something. Don't let it go unless your sure.

Answer 2

Clearly this extramarital thing is beyond being simply bisexual and into the realms of a full-blown relationship apart from hubby, so it's causing a problem. It's one thing to have a wife who's also into girls, it's quite another to have a wife who seems to care more for another person.

So why not do hubby a favour and get honest with yourself - what does your heart tell you? Which option offers a meaningful relationship? Just be sure you're not jumping ship just because the grass looks greener. You've already said you're not sure, so why not take a break from the mistress?

Answer 3

Now putting aside my personal belief that two women are a beautiful thing. From a relationship standpoint, People are always growing and changing. And relationships need to grow and change to meet the needs of the Individuals in the relationship. You sound confused and rightly so. After all you have been maintaining two relationships. which is one more than I could handle. If you still feel for your husband. I would lay your cards on the table and tell him Exactly what you need to stay In this relationship. If he cannot except those terms then you have your answer. Your relationship has survived fifteen years. To Accomplish that you have to have had something there that both of you cherish. Look into it. maybe you will find something worth saving. If not it could be time to go your separate ways.....

Answer 4

I do sincerely think that if your boyfriend has always been faithful in the past, then he will be faithful to you. A good friend of mine is dating a bisexual guy, but her outcome hasn't been the best. Her boyfriend will suddenly have his days, and he'll have his wandering eye. Not to say that you're in the same situation, but it MIGHT be possible. Treat your relationship as if it weren't any different from dating a straight guy. Guys are guys through and through whether or not they are Gay or Straight. If he is serious about being with you, he will always remain faithful to you. If you have any doubts or fear that he will have those urges, talk to him about it. He knows himself best, so if something ever does come up, I am sure he'd want to talk to you before anything ever arises or gets out of control. Good luck with your relationship!!! :)

Answer 5

What were you doing for the last 15 years? living with this knowledge or it is your imagination. In a marriage there should be perfect communication on all matters than how come you never thought important to talk it over. Nothing is lost , sit down and discuss this problem before it becomes poison of relationship.

Answer 6

Is someone giving you an ultimatim? If so they are wrong they knew what they were getting into. So they cant just make choices now that they changed their mind, you all may have to cut your losses or make a decision and you know one person is going to be hurt. Are there any children involved? Thas something else to look at also there are so many people that will be affected.

Answer 7

I don't know however, you've been given an ultimatum and now you must make the decision.

It would be a shame to throw 15 years away, but if you think you'd be much happier with the female, then all I can say is, follow your heart.

Answer 8

U've been married 15 years and r just now thinking that ur a lesbian? I think u know deep down that ur gay and there's nothing wrong w/ that. I have a friend who divorced her husband of 10 years b/c she's gay-they also have 3 kids. Do what is best 4 u and ur marriage.

Answer 9

Well I can only really say is go with what your heart tells you. But with making that choice it is enevetable that someone is going to get hurt.
My GF has admitted to me that she wanted to have a female partner at one time as well. I explained that if that was the case then she would have to choose.
There is almost a double standard with that issue sometimes. If I were to come home and find my wife/GF in bed with another woman it is just the same as if she were to come home and find me in bed with another woman.

She doesn't want me having another partner but she thinks it would be ok if she did. It doesn't work.
So you will have to choose what you really want. I know it won't be easy but you have to come to grip with the fact that you can only really have one.

Good luck

Answer 10

I think if you are having to contemplate the situation you have already more than likely lost enough interest in your marriage to move on and go with the choice you want. Which from of the sound of it you have knew for quite some time.