I told my new husband that i had aborted our baby because i didn't want it to affect my studies...he's angry..

Question

hi...i'm a 24 yr old woman. i recently married my bf of 7 yrs...i had moved in with him when i turned 18 and got pregnant within a month. i was studying at that time and didn't want anything to tie me down. so i aborted the baby without telling my bf. now i'm quite well-settled in life and i married the love of my life. i couldn't hold it to myself anymore and told him that i had aborted our child long back. he was very angry.....i just blew his mind. he's upset i did that and said that i didn't even think once of asking him before doing it. i know wat i did was wrong and am ready to make it up to him....he's just too angry with me to even listen. wat do i do?
one more thing...i've been off the pill for 2 months now and have still not conceived. how long does the pill take to get out of the system? i'd really like to start a family now and make it up to him...how do i make him come around?

Answer 1

Marriage counselling would be a good bet.

He has a right to be angry, and it sounds like you know that. You are going to have to give him time to accept that -- and counselling can help you tell him that you've learned your lesson, and you won't do anything like that again.

DON'T get pregnant until you guys have resolved this issue. It's a really basic trust issue, and you should wait and see if he can come around from it.

Also, you told him you stopped taking the pill, didn't you? Conception or non-conception -- both are things you should talk about with your partner.

Answer 2

This may be something that will take a long time for him to get over. It was a decision that was a BIG one at the time and you didn't include him which he is seeing as very hurtful. Especially if abortion isn't something he agrees with.
I am sure he will get over it enough for you to talk it all over rationally soon, but understand that it may take more than a few days or even a few weeks for that to happen. I just hope in your mind that abortion was the way to go. School can be taken up again but sometimes pregnancy is a one time chance.
It can take a year for the pill to stop working with some women. It doesn't mean it will, but its possible.
The other thing to consider is how far along were you when you got the abortion? What method? There are some procedures when the pregnancy is far enough along that make it harder for a woman to conceive later in life, if not impossible. If there was a step done wrong and there was any damage you may be in for a harder time. You may have miscarrages or the egg may not implant. I don't say that to upset you but it is something you may have to consider and accept as well.
Best of luck to you and your husband.

Answer 3

WOW...I am no judge and what a woman does with her body is her own, and I believe firmly in that! BUT.....if you did it then, you should have just kept that to yourself. If you didnt tell him long ago, what makes you think that he was going to be ok with it now, and making him a father now is NOT going to replace the betrayal that he feels. If he doesnt leave you, you have some HEAVY, MAJOR, *** kissing to do, and even then, you may not get the trust back that he had for you. I am sure that if you would have talked to him about it those years ago, he would have understood that you were young and a baby was just not the right thing at the time, but to make that decision on your own, and then years later tell him about it...man!! The pill doesnt take that long to get out of your system, just relax, you need to concentrate on getting your marriage and trust issues worked out, before you bring a baby into this, you are not even sure if your going to have a husband when this is all over with.....Good Luck!

Answer 4

You should have never have told him. You must be honest and trustworthy in this relationship but their are exceptions. The reason that you should have never have told him is because from now on he will live with this knowledge for the rest of his life and may never fully forgive you. He may not be as angry as time goes on but I doubt he will ever 100% forgive you. You have made a tear in a relationship that can never be healed.

I do not mean to upset you but it is what it is. What did you accomplish by telling him about an aborted baby years ago? Nothing. You just made him very upset and resentful. The baby is long gone.

Answer 5

I need not remind an already worried you about the hurt you've caused your BF. It's good that you know what you did was wrong. Let him know that. How? Let his anger vent out. Give him some time. Then sit him down and first and foremost apologize! That's what he deserves.
Tell him how badly you want his child now and how you wanted it then too but had to give it up for the sake of your career. This is the next thing he needs to know. That you always loved to have a baby.
Finally, again assure him he'll never be left out of any such decisions of your life, now that you're married.
ALL THE BEST!

P.S.- If things don't improve, I seriously recommend counseling.

Answer 6

You have to give him time to cool off. You have to remember that you have been living with this fact for 7 years but it's fresh for him. And when you are told something like that, it hits you like a ton of bricks! Explain to him what your thoughts were back then and apologize for keeping it from him. I started dating my now ex husband 11 years ago and got pregnant within 6 months. We agreed on the abortion because we were both young and in school but I was the most insistant. He later said that he didn't really want to do it but went along because it was my body and life. 8 years later we decided to get pregnant. After 2 months of trying and nothing happenning I started to think that there was something wrong with me becasue of the abortion I'd had or just that God was punishing me for what I'd done. But after 3 months, I got pregnant and now we have a beautiful baby boy. I believe the pill takes 1 month to be out of your system so keep trying and just give your husband time.

Answer 7

i dont think you can make it up to him persay. but you can perhaps help him heal...to him this was a death of a child he was never given the right to know....he needs to go through the whole cycle....this has changed everything about the two of you, taken away the trust ,and you decieved him in the worst way possible....you cant turn back the clock even though you now know what you did then was wrong it doesnt make it any easier on him....give him the time and space he needs for healing...as far as your other question, no , 2 months is not to early, many women get pregnant while on the pill....good luck to you in the future and kudos to you for telling him the truth i know it must have been hard...good luck

Answer 8

Okay, you know what you did was wrong. That's good. I don't blame your boyfriend for being angry, after all you killed his child and you didn't even tell him.

First of all, the most important thing is that what you did is wrong, but we've all done wrong things and fallen short of the Glory of God. We all are guilty of sin, which ultimately leads to hell because we're not perfect people worthy of heaven. Jesus Christ, who was God's perfect Son, died a death he didn't deserve and conquered it (rose again) to forgive our sins. All who call upon the name of the Lord (Jesus Christ) WILL be saved.

So first of all, you need to get right with God if you haven't already. Admit that you're a sinner (you've already done that), Believe that Jesus Christ was the perfect Son of God who died to forgive your sins, and Choose to follow Christ for the rest of your days seeking after a Godly life. Find a church (which is just a community of people to help support your new faith). I'm part of an Assembly of God church, they're usually really friendly. Foursquare Gospel churches and, if you're lucky to have one, City Church churches are also pretty cool folks. Lots of others are too, I just don't know them as well.

Next, the conception part. Starting a family now won't make it up to him. Not having just any baby is only part of it. It's the special unique child of his you already killed. And just like it's by grace, not our works, that Jesus saves us from hell; it's by grace alone that your husband will forgive you if he does. Pray daily for your husband's forgiveness. Ask him for it. Emphasize that you CAN'T make it up to him, that you need grace.

When you decide together to have a baby, know that there's a small but very real chance that having the abortion made you sterile. Also the six years that passed could have done so as well. Some people who do none of these things only ever manage to conceive once anyways. You could have blown your one chance. Pray daily that God would trust you with another chance to have a baby. If He doesn't, maybe He wants you to adopt some other young girl's unwanted baby that she chose to give to a loving family.

Most of all just remember that no matter what, Jesus Loves You, seek first the Kingdom of God. He is Jehovah-Jirah, our Provider. I'm praying for you. If you need anything, email me at [e-mail] . Blessings!

Answer 9

It might take a few months for your hormonal cycle to recover. You're young, so it's not likely to be a problem.

The problem is what happened in the past; that's a matter of trust that you violated. You made a unilateral decision about a child that would have been BOTH of yours. He will feel angry for a while, don't expect him to forgive you so quickly. You now reap what you have sown.

Answer 10

I would consider speaking to your husband once again with this one. Just because he was mad you aborted without telling him he may be upset that you have decided to have a baby without consulting him. Dont automatically assume that having a baby would make it up to him also. He just will be happy to be involved in the process and will forgive you over time your a team and so should make decisions as one.