Is it healthy to focus all your attention on your children?

Question

A friend critized my fiance and myself for leaving my son with his grandparents so we could have a night out. She says that anyone who has children needs to spend all their time as family time. Won't it damage your relationship not to have"couple" time?

Answer 1

While it is important that your son feels his is important in you and your husbands lives it is also important for you and your husband to work at staying close and maintaining your relationship. Too many couples who direct all there energy into the kids drift away from each other and loses touch with the corner stone of the family - their relationship.
Having you son at times stay with grandparents also gives him the chance to learn that he is loved by more people and develop a strong relationship with them.
You didn't say how often you do this - just keep a healthy balance.

Answer 2

You should wrap a bow on your friend and give her away. She sounds like a nutcake. You need couple time some times. Don't be leaving your child with anyone 5 days a week, but there's nothing wrong with every once in a while, or even once a week. Make sure the time you spend with your son is quality time, but don't let it destroy your couple time. It's the couple time that keeps you two together and allows the family to be strong. Does your friend have any kids? Is she in a relationship? Is she a overbearing loudmouth? If she criticizes you again, I'd tell her this is a topic you don't wish to discuss with her. She can raise her livestock.. I mean kids in whatever way she deems fit, but that you'll raise your kids how you see fit. Couple time is critical. If she argues, I'd get a few books on therapy and show her. I'm certain therapists agree that couples time is critical. You can't live 100% of your time around your kid. That's ridiculous.

Answer 3

Yes, you need couple time, and grandparents need grandparent time. Our society has become entirely too indulgent of children. These kids are going to grow up thinking they are the center of the universe; what a great way to instill a sense of entitlement.

Leave the rugrats at their grandparents' now and then. You need a break, and ironically, so do the kids (it's good to give them exposure to other people - especially family!!). And I think your marriage should come before the kids. If you take care to ensure the marriage is stable and healthy, the kids benefit by default.

Answer 4

First of all, if your friend does not have a man tell her that I (P.J) said to shut the hell up!!! If she does have one and giving all her time to the kids then he's definitely cheating on her because she's not taking care of him!!
Back to you, that's what couples with children are suppose to do. Get a baby sitter for the child(ren) and spend time alone, that's how you keep each other satisfied, needed, and loved. You have to show each other that even though you have an addition to the family you two are still important to each other. So baby girl, you and your man have fun! While the grandparents have the baby, y'all better do some freaky deaky stuff, live it up!!!
Again, tell you're friend that I said shut the Hell up!!!!

Answer 5

Your friend is the one with the problems. Spending "couple time" keeps your relationship healthy and thus will keep the whole family happier. Plus, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a child spending some "couple time" with grandma and grandpa! Your friend sounds like the type that would rather smother a child than let the child be their own person. You are doing the right thing.

Answer 6

Your friend is wrong to criticise in the first place, and definitely wrong to criticise you for doing what people have been doing for generations. It's only in the past few decades that families have become fragmented. Some couple time is important, so long as it's not all the time or the kids aren't neglected. So the only suggestion I'd have is to find some more suitable and sensible friends.

Answer 7

I took a marriage prep class in college, and they siad that it is best to have a "date night" once or twice a month. My wife and I do this, and have a great marriage. Also, the kids are more happy if the parents are happy. It is not being selfish to have time with your spouse, and as other ppl have stated, if you don't work on your relationship, it will go away, and that is worse for the kids in the long run.

Answer 8

Yes, it will.
Of course you have to spend time with your kids, but if you don´t have some time only for your fiance, somebody else will. Children need attention, and so do our partner.

There are a lot of women who want to be a mother so badly that when they have a child they completely forget about their husbands, who later cheat on them. My mother-in-law is an example. She would only live for her only son. Now her husband has another child.... with another woman.

Answer 9

Your friend is half right. It is important to spend quality time with your child but every once in a while you need adult time. You left your son with his grandparents for goodness sakes. Allowing him this bonding time with immediate family is very important also. If this is not a weekly occurrence there is certainly no harm in it.

Answer 10

Your kids live in your house for 18-20 years, then they move on to their own lives. I think it is great you can get out and spend time with friends. Ask your friend what she will be doing when her kids are gone...will she have any life to live left? Any friends? A career. Yes it is our job to raise out kids, but no where does it say we cannot live a life of our own at the same time. Don't forget when they move out you will need a life of your own to focus on not the EMPTY NEST!