Why do gays reject the notion that it is a choice?

Question

When people decide they had enough with the lifestyle, they want to change their orientation, I hear gays using qualifiers like, "Bi", "Acting", "In Denial" "Not Really Gay", "Curious" “Confused”, “Just going through a phase”, etc, as people are supposed to be born one way and can never change.

So when a person comes out as being gay, isn’t it possible that they may just be acting, curious, confused, or going through a phase? They may not be really gay after all. Wouldn’t it be best to challenge them to see if they are really gay or not? Why should it just be accepted because someone says they’re gay? After all, they may change their preference sometime soon.

At what point is a person certifiably gay, beyond the point of no return?

Answer 1

Being same sex attracted is not a choice [a pre-disposition] but engaging in the behavior of same sex acts IS a choice.

Michael Glatze chose to change recently. Read his story:http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/articl...

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Answer 2

I can say that it isn't a choice, because it never has been for me. I have walked the walk. I know what lies down that path. I don't need to listen to someone that has NO idea what I'm going through to tell me it's just a choice. That just makes no sense. How can someone that has no information inform others that do? That's silly.
I will admit that there are many people that are confused. It makes total sense. When real gay people are being restricted and push down from telling how it really is, you can expect people to look everywhere for the answers to their own life. I feel that it's important to inform people that are confused.
I wouldn't want anyone that isn't trully gay to live as if they were. That's as dumb as me living like I'm straight. If we have more acceptance and respect for others, a lot of these problems will fix themselves.
A person is completely gay, when they are completely gay. If a person is straight, you don't question them if they are ''completely'' straight, do you? Then why ask a gay person that? There shouldn't be a double standard placed to explain or comfort you about something you actually know nothing about.

Answer 3

There is a choice that we as gay individuals make. We can choose to live a fake life as a heterosexual,knowing that we are really gay. We can pretend all we want, maybe mess up the life of some poor innocent woman. Maybe cruise out to the rest stop or cruisy area for a little man-on-action.Hell we can drink a little more than we should to mask the pain of living a lie. Get the picture,maybe the example was a little over the top but I am making a point. The choice is to live freely as a Gay man or to live a fake life.

Answer 4

Humans are wonderful beings that come in a wide variety of packages. Couple that with social pressures and you have the perfect situation for flux.

First, many people are bisexual, so they will choose a partner based on compatibility without regard to the sex of the partner. To them this may seem like a change in their orientation but it is not.

Second, due to religious based societal pressures, many gays will suppress their feelings and live a unfulfilled, often miserable life in denial.

There are several other situations that can lead to the appearance of a person having a choice. These are merely illusions and are not fact based.

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Answer 5

We can reject the notion of a choice, because we know that it isn't a choice. "Bi" means you are attracted to both. Yes it is possible that they may just be acting, curious, confused, when they are teens for attention, ect. But most often it is not. They will figure out what they are.
"At what point is a person certifiably gay?" When they know for sure, and come out.

Answer 6

I think you are grasping at straws. Trying to rationalize the "choice" card.

I know a gentleman in his mid 50's. At 25 he considered himself bi-sexual. He had always had a curiosity about being a same sex partner. Even as a teen. However he did meet his wife. Who was fine with his own definition as being bi-sexual. He married, they have children and lived a relative happy productive life. But he got to the point that he became extremely. Unhappy and felt something was missing in his life. He made his entire family miserable. Eventually he and his wife divorced. And he now is living an openly monogamous gay life. Today my friend has a close relationship with his children, his ex-wife and her husband. But there were years that he was unhappy trying to fit into the worlds lifestyle cookie cutter .He was born this way.

My son is openly gay. He attempted a monogamous heterosexual life. He had a finance.He was miserable. He only proposed because he though it was "expected" of him. He is in a committed monogamous relationship and very happy. He was born this way.

Answer 7

Some people say they're bi, confused, etc., because they are having a difficult time accepting themselves. I have never met anyone that legitimately thought they were gay, but then later decided they were a straight. And I'm naturally attracted to guys, and I'm naturally not attracted to girls. Explaining sexuality is extremely difficult. I just am that way. That's why I reject the face that I choose my sexuality. And I can prove it through contradiction of people who do not accept gay people, because they don't choose to be straight. Plain and simple, we are who we are, and if every one of us gays tells you that we don't choose to be gay-- we aren't lying to you. 10 percent of the world's population is not trying to mess with you.

Answer 8

I think you are confused.

The words, "acting, in denial, curious, confused, and not really gay" are used by straight people describing what they can't understand or accept.

I never chose my sexuality. I just am who I am.

Did you choose to be heterosexual? Why did you have to make a choice? Didn't you always know what sex you are attracted to. I did.

If you were not sure and you did have to make a choice, maybe you are really bi and are "in denial"!

Answer 9

not all gay people reject the idea of sexual orientation as chosen

http://www.queerbychoice.com

http://community.livejournal.com/queerchoice

but in terms of someone saying "I'm straight now" we've watched it happen seen them "lapse" back into homosexuality and seen the broken marriages, the wives and their friends sometimes come here to ask why he married her in the first place if he was gay.

On the other hand Anne Heche is a good example of someone who came out as gay when they really weren't, and I think a lot of gay people, myself included, could sense that one coming, you knew something was off about her when she made comments like "I've been gay for two years now".

Answer 10

Humans have a fluid sexuality in many regards. Our sexuality is not strictly a choice (like choosing what clothes to wear today), but neither is it a hard-wired, immutable condition. That is why people get confused about their sexuality. If people were born "gay" or "straight," from whence comes bi-sexuality? All human behavior is intractably complex, and trying to simplify it to genetics, etc. is futile and dangerous.

Answer 11

Oh sure. And all heterosexuals are just acting out or going through a phase.