controlling husband?

Question

hi i left my husband once before because he was controling me, and i was gone for 4 months and came back cause he went to counceling and changed. we got married and now that im back he was fine at first cause we went to marriage christian counceling together and it helped i think. and now we havnt gone for months cause the councelar said we dont need it anymore. but now hes getting mad at me and jelous when i go to friends houses and yesterday he didnt want me to even go to the park with my dad. he wants me to stay home and not go anywhere but yet when im here at home he doesnt wanna talk to me he ecnores me sometimes. now hes telling me today u can do whatever the hell u wanna do. just cause i went and visited this couple who r like parents to me yesterday for several hours. he telling me what to do and always telling me i need to teach you lessons. u need to listen. i always invite him and he says he never wants to go. i get depressed sitting at home, we dont do things 2gether. help?

Answer 1

Please don't get pregnant. Keep kids out of this no matter what.

You can support your husband, encourage him, love him, and empathize with him, but you can't change him or who he is.

You need to do what you would normally do with your life and not wait for him to come up to speed. Do not tolerate any mistreatment or disprespect from him.

Be mature. State the facts. If you want him to do something he is not doing, tell him so.

Go on, have a life of your own and if he cannot deal with it, he can either step up or step off the curb with his bags packed.

If he needs a psychologist or social worker he can get one, but your job as a wife is not to be his therapist. These are his issues and he needs to deal with them. Do not let him control you.

Ask him out on dates, find special time and work on your marriage and have some fun, but if he insists on acting like a controlling, moody jerk, move up and on and write this marriage off as a learning curve.

Husbands and wives are there to enhance our lives, not set up roadblocks and cause strife.

After 12 years with a man who had control and self-esteem issues, I can tell you it is not something you can fix for them. They are never happy whether you stay home or not because it is really not about you.

Look at your life. Decide how you want to live it. Be true to yourself and always move forward. Do not allow anyone, including you to bring you down.

I know you love him and care and want to make him happy, but in reality, happiness is his decision. He can step up and work to be happy and be a loving husband or he can be a maladjusted jerk and continue on blaming his feelings on everyone but himself.

How long you want to tolerate that is up to you.

Sorry I can't be more reassuring, but I can tell you that you must live your life in a way that works for you and be in control of your own actions and happiness. If you wait for him to get it together, it might never happen.

We only get one shot at this life. Make a decision to make it the life you want to lead. If you had one year left to live, would you tolerate his nonsense or run for it?

I wish you the best. Hope this helps. I would hate for you to waste much stress, time, health or energy trying to fix him. You can't do it. On the other hand, in a marriage, I think you need to take your partner's feelings into account and show them love and encouragement. It is a tough line.

marriagebuilders.com has some interesting insights into both the controller and the controllees feelings that might help put some perspective on things and give you some ideas on how to change things up.

Good luck.

Answer 2

That's how my husband has been lately. We sat down and talked last night and actually agreed on a seperation because we each have our individual issues that we decided not to deal with, so we have these unsettled past grudges toward each other that we say we forgive the other but in reality we havn't so we're seperating to get both of our heads straight and possibly back to a relationship that we once had when we were both happy. So Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Your situation sound exactly like mine,
They tell us we can do and go where ever, but if we do they get all pissed off at us, yes it's a horrible way to live, I know as I'm living it everyday of my life........To be honest with you I really don't think they will ever change............things may get a bit better some days but it will only be temporary.........in my case it's just a matter of time before I end it..........the solution or answer is in our hands............we are the ones that need to make the decison and stick with it, I know it's very hard to actually do it but I think the day will come............good luck. feel free to email me should you want to chat............

Answer 4

Right, so you left him once before because he was controlling you and then you came back, and surprise, he is doing it again, even after you have been to counseling. So your choices are to stay and be miserable, or to get out because you can see yourself it is just getting worse. I think you know the answer yourself.

Answer 5

One thing about controlling individuals, once they lose control, they will modify their behavior until they regain control. Once they regain control of the situation, they will revert to their old methods. He is only going to change long enough to keep you there. If you don't like being controlled, then it's time to get away from him - for good!

Answer 6

Leave again or seek counseling. You give into his demands enough times, you will eventually become his prisoner. Men like that don't deserve a good woman....they should be stuck with the psychos!!!!

Answer 7

Get a divorce and marry me.

Answer 8

I think it is time to find another councelor or a divorce attorney.