In-laws/Hubby want to drag a 3 yr old into a major city?

Question

My husband’s family is coming out next week and they are pressuring me (husband included) into taking our 3 year old into a major city for a full busy day. I am wary because we just finished up potty training (some accidents) and because he has the attention span of a 3 year old, we still can’t take him to a restaurant without him causing some kind of commotion, getting a time out for bad behavior or crying/whining to go home. I feel that the train ride, the cabs, the walking will all be too much for him and I really want him to be ready for such a milestone to appreciate it. I know hubby and the rest of the pack don’t care because I am the one that will have to change him, take him out when he is misbehaving, etc while they are enjoying themselves, especially at cocktail time. How do I get this through their thick skulls?

I have given in the past with such outings and they all were hard days on him and us. Meals were ruined, hysterical crying at amusement parks, etc.

We don't tolerate whining and crying and I don't feel it's right to impose this bad behavior on other people who are paying and trying to enjoy a meal. My husband and I run the show, not our son.

Answer 1

The answer to this is easy.
Get a babysitter. Leave the three year old at home.
Go out as a foresome of adults, enjoy the day, have a cocktail or two yourself.
The three year old is going to be bored, tired of walking, maybe need a nap, need a toilet at the exact time that there isn't one around, etc. And you are going to be miserable trying to keep the 3 year old happy and occupied. It's not going to work.
Unless the day is going to focus almost exclusively on entertaining the needs and funny bone of the 3 year old, why would your family even suggest such a thing? To keep everybody together for that day? It won't work.
The 3 year old will never remember the trip either, it's not one for the memory scrap book. The adults you are with are going to want to do and see adult things.
Don't take the child!!!!!

Answer 2

I struggle with this myself, however, there comes a point where you have to let go, or you will drive yourself crazy. I also have a potty training 3 year old, but if I never gave him an opportunity to practice his skills in an outside environment, how will he ever feel successful? Sometimes we need to let go of our expectations of how things should be, and we need to learn to go with the flow. For instance, so what if he misbehaves on the train or at the restaurant? He's 3, it's expected, and people are very understanding about that. Also, bring an extra outfit to account for accidents. I think that your husband is right. You cannot let the child dictate your life. You are the parents, you dictate what you do, not the 3 year old. I know that it is sometimes "easier" to stay close to home in these situations, but this will teach your 3 year old how to be resilient, and in my opinion will be an excellent experience that he will love! Oh yeah, and bring a small umbrella stroller, that will help the walking situation. :) Good luck with what you decide!

Answer 3

What kind of doctors have you been seeing. Is he in Nursery school and do the teacher's see this also. Maybe you should see a Neurologist, talk to your school system's child study team and see he qualifies for help from them. My sister has been going through this w/ her now 5 year old since he was around 2 - there are so many things that they can diagnose or over diagnose. After numerous studies they diagnosed him w/ Oppositional Defiant Disorder which can be associated w/ ADD, ADHD, and bi-polar but they have to wait until he's a little older to narrow it down. He qualifies for special transition Kindergarten and the state or town is paying for her to take parenting classes to teach her how to deal w/ a difficult child.

Answer 4

Yup! I know what your talking about, sounds like everyone is going to enjoy themselves except you and your son. Maybe you can go without your son? I don't blame you it will be a lot of work...see if you can go without him or let them enjoy themselves without you. Just say, your simply not up to it - sorry if you cannot make other arrangements. You cannot expect a 3 year old to enjoy himself in an adult outing. Yes, there will be potty accidents that will be a set back for him or her. Good luck, hope your husband supports you on this one. Remember, don't expect your husband to read your mind-tell him exactly how you feel.

Answer 5

That's so full of excuses.

Try to come up with solutions instead of throwing cold water on the plan.

It sounds like you are the one who does not want to do this.

It is ironic that our younger kid who resisted all efforts to potty train ended up being totally trained after just such a trip. We had a "bathrooms of the world tour" where every opportunity had him on every toilet seat available. I think he got tired of being interrupted at every turn.
You know it is appropriate for your husband to take him to the men's bathroom when in public. The trips to the woman's or family rooms should be limited to times when he is not there.

As far as his crying, whining and commotion making, I have to ask, Who is the adult? Are you making the decisions or is he. It also sounds like you are giving him WAY too much power.

Answer 6

Just take him. We used to take our two kids to the city all the time when they were small. I just took a sack with a couple toys and a snack or two and a stroller (usually an umbrella stroller so it could be folded compactly and easily). It might not be as bad as you think. He would probably enjoy the cab and train rides. If it is the day from hell then your in laws and your husband will know not to do it again, but you won't know if you won't even try.

Answer 7

Hmmm. My first thought is wondering where you live that going to a "big" city is such a milestone. Also wondering why he(the child) wasn't potty trained 6 months ago. Also, why is he such a brat? My children never acted like that. I am thinking your husband and in laws want to go do things and are tired of having things put on hold due to your lack of good parenting.

Answer 8

I would just tell them you are getting a baby sitter so you can also enjoy your day. I was in this situation once, I had to take my son out of a restaurant and wait in the car until everyone else was finished eating. I did not enjoy the evening at all. Better that the adults ALL can relax and enjoy themselves.

Answer 9

You need to take a deep breath and start enjoying your son. If you don't teach him to act right he will always act this way. Talk to your husband and let him know he is "in charge" that day. Also, take some kind of anti-anxiety pill...you need it and the rest of the family might enjoy the day also.

Answer 10

I would take him, and everytime an incident came up, I would pass him off to one of the insisters. I would insist to the hubby that since our son is being potty trained it is in appropriate for him to use the ladies room and daddy needs to take him. I would let inlaws entertain him when he got cranky. If they all get annoyed remind them that you offered another alternative.