My boyfriend and I are on the verge of splitting up because of my insecurities that I have been hiding from him. He has an extremely close relationship with his mum and sister (they are italian) and they come first in everything and know everything about our relationship. They are lovely people but I want to be the number one woman in his life. Am I expecting too much and fighting a losing battle? I have been keeping my frustrations in and they come out inadvertantly when I have a drink and we argue over stupid things and this makes no sense to him because I am too ashamed to tell him the truth but Im going to lose him if I don't. How do I approach this? Please help.
2007-07-16 03:51:45 · 10 answers · asked by samba 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
do you love him?? and dose he love you?? if the answer is yes then you need to tell him sweet other wise you will drive him away you need to sit him down and tell him to listen to how your feeling and who you would like things to be, if he loves you then he will be able to see how much this upsets your self and be willing to try a new solution.....
good luck x
2007-07-16 03:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by mummyzgall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not expecting too much... you should come first. However, you may be fighting a losing battle because it sounds unlikely that he will change for any woman (not just you) if this is his way of life.
He probably needs a woman who accepts the situation with his mother and sister, and he probably thinks you do as you have not said anything to the contrary.
If you love him, and he loves you he will understand, but make no mistake it will be very difficult for him to change the habits of a lifetime... Does he know that you are on the verge of splitting up? Or would he be surprised and shocked?
Whatever you do be careful here because you are involved with a man who is clearly greatly influenced by Mum and sister, and if you are not tactful it could turn them against you... Tell him you wish to discuss something with him in absolute confidence and make him promise to not repeat what you say to anyone...(not just Mum and Sister) If you can trust him he will not tell them what you have said, but he may start to make changes in your favour. Also explain at the same time the reason you have been arguing over stupid things, this may make more sense to him, as he is probably confused as to whats been the matter.
Worst case is that he tells them, or tells you he will not change, but at least you know where you are, you accept him as he is, or you split up and move on to a relationship where your man puts you first.
Good Luck
2007-07-19 23:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, unfortunately, (depends on which side of the bread you are buttering) I think the Italians motto is family first. If you are unhappy about this, it won't change and you will be trapped in a life you are not happy with. I would bring it up and be honest, or start looking for a new and different path. If you do bring it up, he will either say that you will do something about it, and do it or not. If he does something about it, then there will always be trouble, and you will always be looked as the outsider. If you can't understand the language, you will never know if they are talking about you or not at the big fmily gatherings, and you will not be happy. I have nothing against Itallians, and even rented a flat next door to their home once, and have had friends in similar situations who have said practially the same thing as you. Generally I think that they are nice people, but having a relationship with one is a totally different story.
2007-07-16 04:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by altscrap 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you are indeed fighting a losing battle.Lesson number 1.Mom is very special never try to come between your man and his mom. You are special too but mom is much more special.Girlfriends will come and go but mom will always be there for him.So as long as he loves you,cherishes you and encourages his mom and sister to do the same, be happy.One day you'll also be a mom.As long as you keep your insecurities bottled within you,it's bound to come out once in a while.So get help,go for counselling or if you really want to be number 1 show genuine love to his family.Good luck!
2007-07-16 04:07:03 · answer #4 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As his partner you should come first. The only way to do this is to confront him. You have the right to privacy - this is YOUR relationship not theirs.
Mothers are very protective over their sons and any reason for them to think you're taking away their precious will cause a riot so be as diplomatic as possible.
Another suggestion is to go on holiday - just you and him and 'lose' his mobile. That way you'll be able to get away from them and he can see the good side of that!!
2007-07-19 03:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by Wicked Top. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.. YOU have to sit down and talk your problems over with your boyfriend.. otherwise he will never know the extent of your misery.. Once you have chatted in a calm controlled way if he doesn't see your point of view ! then You should leave him and move on with your life.
2007-07-16 04:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by robert x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you may boot a sexual relationship.? sounds such as you purely would have the suited guy. and your caught on the final relationship. till issues have been sturdy yet nonetheless, purely because of the fact i'm a mom does not advise I do not have somebody for me. Your suited and that i'd say you already surrendered to him now enable it strengthen This i'd say is relatively actually worth the gamble. if everyone thinks i'm insane Your not insane your terrified he will screw you like the final guy. existence is a huge gamble take it. with the help of now you may understand what to do if the guy screws you. Screw them human beings been telling me for fifty years i pass to hell because of the fact i don't think of like them Love the quote (s) from Susan To no variety of religion is woman indebted for one impulse of freedom. -- Susan B Anthony I mistrust those people who understand so properly what God needs them to do because of the fact I observe it constantly coincides with their very own needs. -- Susan B Anthony
2016-09-30 02:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, before i answer, i was read a few answers, and i,m totally agree with people who thinks that never stand between his mum and him.. i,m a man, too. i love my g/f V much, and i told her that my mum is special to me, she brought me to life for some nice/beautiful girl, and i can't let that girl take her place. i hope he'd respect your mum, too. that,s an other question, right? be happy together and never lose your love ones... keep your love, because it hurts very badly when you lose it... Be happy
2007-07-16 05:14:48 · answer #8 · answered by bob 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what makes them first ?If he han't gone to Mom's before coming to u ,calm down.You said they are a loving family, be a part of it.If they want to talk and theyre not bossing him or u. ,talk aback with them. Close families are open people,Isolate him and he'll resent you. Join in and you can be the spitit of the family with everyone loving u.Talk to his Mom I'm sure she wants the best for u both.
2007-07-16 04:11:17 · answer #9 · answered by oatesmokid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you want to change the relationship he has with his family, don't be jealous, If you see how a bloke treats his family, it reflects how they will treat you. Get to know his mum and sister, its not as if they are going to have an affair with him!!
2007-07-16 03:59:40 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋