I took 2 pregnancy tests, both of them positive. I'm going to the doctor this week. My boyfriend & I have been together for less than a year and I am not sure I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but now that I'm pregnant I don't want my baby to see separate parents, so we'll have to work everything out...I was thinking of abortion, but I'm so scared of doing it just because it's not in me doing something like that...but I'm really scared of having the baby. I'm only 21 and I haven't finished college yet...any advice? any positive thoughts?...thanks!
2007-07-16 03:46:44 · 21 answers · asked by Diana 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
For the people who have answered and the ones that will, my boyfriend already has a 3yr old boy and he got very excited when I told him I am pregnant. He wasn't so happy when I told him about my insecurities, he said he wants me to count on him & that I don't have to worry about working, only taking care of our baby and school if I want to, that he will deal with the bills and everything else. I do love him, but everything just turned so scary after I found out!...and yes, I have my mom, sister (who has two kids and one on the way!) and brother here in the same city...they all know I'm pregnant and they seem to support me. My mom and sister were not thrilled but they didn't show a negative attitude. On the other hand my brother laughed of happiness, he said it was SO COOL! I was going to have my baby being young so I can enjoy my kid longer LOL. He's funny....and you guys have been great with your answers!...thank you. Unfortunately I will have to choose one.
2007-07-16 05:01:04 · update #1
Babies are a blessing. Arent you glad your mom didnt abort you? Aside from that, even if you and your beau dont work out, you are not the first single mom in the world and you certainly wont be the last. Go to the doctor, eat healthy, excercise, raise your baby is the best enviornment possible. Be positive, strong and keep your head up. STORMS WILL COME. This may ultimately test the strength of your relationship. Now you will truly know if this guy is for you. Tell him to STEP UP OR STEP OFF! If its one thing I do know, if you do have an abortion...make sure it is a decision that YOU can live with for the rest of your life. If not, think twice. Good luck baby girl!
2007-07-16 03:53:54 · answer #1 · answered by SheSoFly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok I am gonna give you some real advice...not the sugar coated kind. Abortion is your choice but just know it comes with grave consequences. Nightmares, guilt, and you are taking out a helpless life. I suggest you consider adoption or keeping it. If you dont think you can financially provide adoption would be a great choice. There are many people who can not concieve and would love to adopt. This is better than abortion. People may have neg things to say but you do what you think is best for your baby. No sense in making the baby struggle. You can even do an open adoption where you are in its life. This is a hard choice because you will be giving up all rights to your child. The other option is to keep it and finish school. I hope you and your bf stay together but don't make your baby the reason why. You dont have to stay together to be 2 very good parents. If you stay together jsut 4 the baby you will both be very unhappy and the baby will sense it and grow up worse than if it had jsut one parent. So brush away those fears and thank God for your blessing. Talk to your guy about being supportive and dont force the relationship to work. It would not be fair to anyone. Babies are hard because of day care and such but u guys could work diff shifts to help with that. You can finish school. Several single mothers do. You can even take online classes. I do and I love them. Good luck and keep your head up.
2007-07-16 10:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by Sylvia Lei 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok--you should never stay with the dad of your baby just because he is the dad. He can be a dad and not be with you. I have raised a child on my own, and he is a happy well adjusted kid, who even has autism, and no effect on him not having his dad!
The abortion thing is up to you. Remember that it is a decision that you will have to live with the rest of your life. I am pro-life, and I wouldn't try and sway you one way or another, but in my faith and religon, I believe that everything happens for a reason and that this baby is meant to be in your life for whatever reason he/she is there!
You can make it through school, life and what not with a child. I didn't even go back to school until my son was two. I was on my own, no husband, boyfriend or family in the same state as me. My son was mentally disabled and I worked a full time job. I made too much money to get government assistance (actually the value of my car was more than they would allow for an asset!!!!) and I MADE IT!!! And you can too!! Women have the inner strength that men envy because we can pull it from no where and make it through anything!!!
You will be fine. Think about your choices long and hard before you make a decision to take the life of your baby. There are plenty of people that are in place now a days to help you organize your life, time and money. I would be happy to give you more information. I was a social worker for 11 years, and I would be happy to help. Most of all, rely on family if you can, and have the ability to do that if they are involved at all in your life.
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!!
2007-07-16 11:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is also always the choice of giving the baby up for adoption. There are numerous people out there who would be EXCELLENT parents but can't have children of their own for some reason. Many of the adoption agencies now allow you to have a huge say in who gets your child and even lets you meet them if you want to. We have good friends who are two of the best parents you would ever want to meet and who adopted their children. If two women hadn't made the choice to have their babies and give them away these people would never have been parents and that might have been a terrible loss to the world.
That said....you also can always have the child on your own and raise him/her with the involvement of the father. Just because he is the father doesn't mean you have to be with him forever. Hopefully he will want to be a part of your child's life, but that doesn't mean you have to marry him. Don't marry him or stay with him JUST for the sake of the baby. That's not a great situation for the kid either.
I'm sure that you can handle this. Look at all of the options and go from there.
2007-07-16 10:54:38 · answer #4 · answered by mouse_726 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not you want to stay with your boyfriend forever you guys made this child, you maybe scared now especially because it is your first child but once you see your child alive and think "hey "I" created this" it's unbelievable. No matter how bad your life seems your kids make it all worth it. Don't have an abortion. You can still finish college, it may be harder and you will be more stressed and tired than usual and it may take a few extra months but trust me this child will be the one thing worth getting out of bed for everyday when nothing else is. That's how I feel anyway and trust me my life is far from perfect. Good Luck.
2007-07-16 10:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by nahimana34 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. I am 23 and have two kids and finishing up college so i know that it is hard and will be a challenge. I would not recommend an abortion because once that baby is born you will see how much of a joy he is. You don't have to be with your boyfriend for the rest of your life, just know that he will always have a part in your life. If you know the lord, pray to him and ask him for guidance to get you through. Everything will be OK in time.
2007-07-16 10:59:14 · answer #6 · answered by jlankford15 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll need to go with how you really feel. It sounds to me like you don't want to have an abortion but you're also afraid to have the baby.
You really could consider adoption. I think it depends on where you are in life.
Do you have people around you, like your parents, that could help you? Could you finish school online or another way so that you could help provide for the baby?
There are so many options for you. Tell your parents (if that's possible for you). You need someone that is close to you and knows you well to help you out. With all the hormones that are flooding your body it's tough to think straight anyway.
Good luck you to. You'll know what to do. Trust yourself and the people that care about you. Don't worry about the dad, that part is important but is not the focus at this time. It's you and the baby.
2007-07-16 10:53:53 · answer #7 · answered by ad 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am almost 22 and my daughter is almost 2. I found out I was pregnant when I was just 19. I was very scared because my boyfriend and I had just been together for a year but we decided to try and make it work. We have been happily married for almost two years and I think that things really worked out for the best. I was not sure if he was someone that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life but now I am so glad that we made it work. Even if your decide not to stay with the child's father your baby will be happy with a mother that loves him or her very much. Best of Luck to you and whatever you decide to do.
p.s. while my daughter was not planned I still could not magine my life without her.
2007-07-16 11:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by Jess 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey hun, i was in a similar situation aswell a bit a go. I'm 20, and I have a 10 1/2 month old son :) .
Last year i got pregnant with my bf from highschool, and i was sooo scared, i was thinking of abortion, and thinking about how my parents divorced and definatly didnt want my baby to go thru what i did. But I talked to my mom about it ( which was the hardest thing i had ever done ) and abortion is something you have to deal with the rest of your life the feeling of "loss" im not trying to start any debates on abortion but in the end it's up to you. I was madly in love with my bf from high school though so for me it wasn't the "are we going to last" thoughts that were going through my head, but we bought a house together and we are getting married in 13 days actually! yay! But sorry im getting off topic, something about having a baby makes you and your partner closer, atleast it did for me. we work as a team, and it made us appreciate eachother so much more. anyways, congrats hun!!! Any ?;s etc. im here for ya anytime !
-Laura
2007-07-16 11:04:22 · answer #9 · answered by Laura 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom got through college pregnant and with three kids already at home. My dad didn't do squat to help around the house, and she did a terrific job anyway. You can do it!
That said, do NOT stay with the boyfriend for the child's sake. It is better to be separate, independent, and individually strong than it is to be in a bad relationship. If you think you can work it out with your boyfriend and you love him, then fine, but if not, then staying with him will only delay the inevitable and will teach your child how NOT to have a relationship. If you choose to stay with him, then fine, but if not, make sure you discuss it with an attorney. Your boyfriend will owe child support, whether or not you stay together. It's his child, too, afterall!
You can get through this. Lots of people do. Good luck!
2007-07-16 10:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋