I've been married for almost a year., have moved to my hubby's state and getting to meet his circle of friends. We know this couple, where the guy has been a childhood friend of my hubby's, and his G/F became a good friend long before i came into the picture. This weekend we made a trip out of town on their request to visit the couple's first house together. His girl was totally trying to avoid bonding with me, not that I'm looking to be her best friend, but she totally left me out of conversations when we were eating out, and even at their place. I tried having girls chat with her to give the boyz their space, but she seemed to pretend she didn't hear me too many times, but she talked directly to my hubby or her guy. I was very lonely and on the verge of tears, and told my hubby i longed to be back home. I really don't know why she is doing this, in fact she started acting weird a few times we have met before , but i thought she was just tired. But i can't figure out what's up????
2007-07-16 03:34:28 · 30 answers · asked by She-whom-shall-not-be-named 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
is is bcoz i took the place of her best friend ,who fell out with my hubby and when i came , i wasn't their ideal plan of the 2 couple friends?? My hubbby doesn't think so, in fact that other girl got married to somebody else.
2007-07-16 03:42:58 · update #1
At my wedding she was very sweet to me, and i thought i liked her. Then things changed...??? Besides, i consider her pretty.. and i don't see where the competition is at???
2007-07-16 03:49:53 · update #2
maybe she is jealous of you, a lot of women get weird if you are more attractive than they are in the sense that their partner would be checking you out...
whatever it is, its a very bad flaw in a person if they would treat a stranger that way, much less and good friends partner in their own home. I would say that being like she is is a good measure of her overall, and i wouldnt give her the time of day. Life is too short to force relationships with horrible people just because you "should". You can only do so much, and you seem you have tried your best. Im sure your husband has noticed her actions, and if he hasnt pulled her aside to straighten her out for treating you that way, then you should be furious with him as well.
2007-07-16 03:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am working on my PhD in counseling and it was actually my grandmother that pointed out the most important thought process of women. Women view each and every other woman as competition. It may not be for your man or her fear of you wanting hers, it maybe that she is intimidated by how kind you are. Some of the issues you have mentioned sound valid but you may not be thinking from her perspective. Your hubby takes the time she has with hers. She may be trying to feel more secure in her own relationship by appearing cool to her husbands best friend. You have been graciously accepted by the men or you would not have been brought along. It may be that she has not been invited to such gatherings and feels you are a threat.
Let it go. I wish I had better advise about her but what it comes down to is that you and your husband are strong and loving. Your lights will work even if she doesn't like you tomorrow. Your husband will come home to you and enjoy your time even if that chick thinks you are horrible. You are blessed and she seems to be having issues with herself you just happened to get in her way.
2007-07-20 08:10:42 · answer #2 · answered by Shana N 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had this happen to me before and it was because the girl(s) in that case had strong feelings of loyalty to another of my date's girlfriends (the fact that you are married makes this behavior worse but it may have the same basis).
She may think that your husband should have married a different girlfriend from the past.
Here's another scenario: she may not be content with the 'living together' set up she has or she may have real issues with the whole idea of marriage: this is one main difference between you two - you married your guy, she lives with hers.
Whatever the reason, it is her issue and although I can see why you would feel lonely, maybe you should just accept that she's not friend material for you. She was giving you that message with her rude behavior. She knows why she was being rude but to put it into words ('I liked xxx so much better, I think he should have married her.' or 'You're so boring and married!') would have been even more direct and hurtful. You were her guest so she should have mustered more control over her feelings, though.
2007-07-16 03:46:32 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is your husband's best childhood friend so you don't want to mess with that. It sounds like she's thinking about "her" friend having your man instead of you and that's just plain wrong of her. Show strong passion with your husband if front of her and get him to drool all over you so you make her sick with jealousy. You will get a big laugh...just watch. You can't do anything but maybe refuse future invitations when in such an intimate gathering. Your husband will have no clue as to what she's doing either so don't drag him in just yet...as time goes by find other friends you "both" enjoy visiting and being around.
2007-07-22 20:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl obviously had a problem with you from the very beginning she had to play it cool for while because you took the place of her best friend in your husbands life. Why else would she be acting this way? She is holding a grudge against you and I believe its because when you came to her house for this visit she had to realize every time she extends an invitation you will be with your husband and not her friend. Your husband doesn't think so, but he sees things from a mans perspective.
2007-07-23 14:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is an evil friend. The only way that you will truly know is to ask her yourself. you have already pose the idea to your hubby and he is blind to the fact as most men will be (no offense guys). Since this is your guys friends lady and there will be future contact with the couple ask her when you have her alone ask her why is she giving you the ill treatment is there something that you might have done to offend her if so lets talk about it. Ask her in a decent manner (if she gets offended by your question it has nothing to do with you, and alot to do with her). One more idea ask your honey to ask her guy friend why she has a problem with you, that shoulddo it. Good luck
2007-07-22 22:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by soldierlady226 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since we've beat the whole jealousy thing nearly to death, let's try something a little less nasty: She was comfortable with the way things were. You're new to the scene and (like it or not) have upset the group dynamic.
Try getting to know her without the two guys around. That way, you're not pushing into the established group. You're creating a new group. There won't be any set ways of doing things and maybe that will be a way to get her to thaw a little bit.
2007-07-23 15:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by CincyCat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the Girl acts like you do not belong with her and her Hubby, and your Husband than I would have a serious talk with my Husband about her, does she like or is interested in your Husband? or is it because she might think that you do not belong to the same circle of friends your Husband associated with, and she thinks that by being snobby she will be able to make you feel awkward when you are around them, if that is the case than I would have a long talk with your Husband, and tell him how you feel about it, if he still wants to keep on seeing them, then he has to have a talk with them and tell him that you come first in his Life, and he does not appreciate the treatment that Girl is giving you.
2007-07-23 08:33:14 · answer #8 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want to be friends with you so, don't be friends with her. It shouldn't matter whether or not the two of you get along or not...I know that your husband is his best friend and all but you and her do not have to be friends. You can hold casual conversations with her when you guys go up to visit but ignore her just as she ignores you. Just like she omits your from conversations, you do the same. Do not allow her to walk over you or mistreat you in anyway.
Now, if being her friend is important to you, then talk with your husband about your feelings and then talk with her boyfriend. One of them will eventually tell you why she doesn't like you. If it's that crucial to be her friend, talk with her and let her know that you are not here to interfere or trying to take the place of the other girl but you are here for your husband. If she gets rude then, don't go and visit up there anymore....
2007-07-20 09:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats an easy one ...ever felt insecure arround another woman when it comes to your man,im married too and i am secure but when i was younger i always stayed away from the attractive friends or gf's of my mans mates as i thought thered be attention more to them not me.It was wrong and now i know my man loves me.
Did your mans mate meet you before his gf?If so maybe you made a gentle impression one that if he casually said so and so seems nice,that may have been all the insecurity fuel she needed...
Anyhow if you are sure its nothing uve done then just get on with out her,its her loss if you tried! Good luck!
2007-07-16 03:44:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋