My sister has mental retardation? What can I do? [Psychologists don't work - (she's scared of them)]

Question

She annoys me like calls me a dick in another language which gets to me.

I hit her sometimes because she does weird and horrible things to me like blows on my face and opens her eyes wide and and make squaking sounds, acts or mimicks a monkey and shouts out loud about sexual organs.

She can speak english properly but not at an advanced level - more like dialect. She is a constant vexation to our WHOLE family. We all know that she is not that retarded (she has the mind of a 12 year old - psychologist).

She is 17 turning 18 in several months. She is a failure academically and we all don't know why she does this!

She dresses up like a tart - this isn't a joke - so no funny business. All day every day she watches soaps (like East Enders or Corrie) - she watches ALL of the ones known to man. Including Big Brother - which is a waste of her time!

She also has her hands down her trousers - she scratches down there and then she threatens to put her hands on us - nt clean.

My dad beats her sometimes but has now stopped - he swears at all of us and I'm worried my other sisters will turn out like my older one - he also used to beat me and have fights with my mother or mother having fights with him (they are both the same...)

(I'm 15 and HAVE TRIED MANY TIMES TO TREAT HER LIKE A HUMAN and help her academically - IT DOESN'T WORK - she messes about or looks for other people to copy from (I think she is lazy and does not care about her future...)

I think she likes the attention...

I'm suicidal because my family is not "normal" and I seem to be more intelligent than them - nobody is listening to me...

I'm the only boy in a family of 8 people and I am the second oldest.

She can't go to doctors - she SCARED of them and panics when you mention them. She has autism as well.

What the HELL do you mean "desire her" - are you saying I'm attracted to her (incest)?

Go away - she is my sister and I want to to stop her acting like a moron.

She only likes to hang about and spy on people as well - we could sneak in a nurse or something...so thanks...but more suggestions please?

strike3 or whatever the hell is your name is...

My parents have lots of children to look out for. What I have described is the truth and you have no right to accuse me of "faking" this...

Let me ask you something: Do you just come her and accuse people who may have psychological problems as "faking" them? Is that ALL you do? You have nothing better than to just make people feel worse? Feel shattered? Feel alone?

That is the only way I can describe MY sister - if you didn't have a bloody solution then you bloody well shoudl go away! Stop attacking me personally!!!

And I only posted this question to get an answer NOT you derogatory opinion.

I catr about the sanity of my parents and I am at the lowest I've ever been. I also should tell you that I have Bipolar Disorder. So I can and do have the energy to solve this. It is NOT heathy for my family.

I knoiw she didn't choose. Truthfully she has a few good qualities about her. I used to play with her when we were little and then when she turned eight or nine she shunned me away - i was worried - we had firends from a very young age - I used to look up to her and was proud of her that she is my sister.

She then never talked to me and I just assumed she was "growing up" - but no, she was confused and miserable - each time I tried to comfort her she screamed at me and bawled.

A few years later I found out she ws autisitc and I had Bipolar Disorder - they invited us to a psychologist and problems and stigma's drew a faint bleak picture of our future...

Answer 1

When I read this question, I feel very sorry for your sister. She does not have the abilities of a so called "normal" person, and she has no support or understanding from her family.

You say that she is "not that retarded". She "dresses up like a tart", and "is a failure academically". You do not say one good thing about her. It is like you think that it is her choice to have her condition.

You say that she is scared of Psychologists. It seems to me that the main problem here is that your family have not found the correct treatments for her. Instead of working with her in a positive way, and giving her a sense of pride and accomplishment in things she can do, you are only looking at the things about her that are different.

I do not know what services are available in your area (from the wording of your question and the television shows you list, I assume you are not in the USA) Your family may want to look into a sheltered workshop type of situation for your sister, where she can be trained to work.

You need to be more supportive and understanding. She did not choose to be this way.


Additional after added information:

Autism is not retardation. Many autistic people are actually very smart. It is mainly a communication disorder. She is not able to express herself like most people and often gets frustrated. She screams and makes faces (and does other things) because she has no other way to express herself.

Sreaming at her, and beating her (as you said happened) will only add to her frustration. The best way to communicate with her is to not react to her outbursts, but to just talk to her in a calm, friendly way. It is hard for you, because you are still young yourself, and are dealing with your own problems!

You may want to do some research on autism, and print it out to show your parents. She needs help from someone trained in autism. With the proper training and educational style, many autistic people can live happy normal lives.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I know a family who have a similar situation to yours, the youngest child has slight learning problems and a major behaviour problem. Because she is a little slow her parents have never disciplined her or stopped her doing what she wants and now she is absolutely vile. She cannot make friends, is a voilent bully, very obese and generally nasty.

You can ignore the silly, childish things like name calling and silly sounds, you just need to rise above it and get on with what you are doing.

What are your parents doing in all this? Make her bathe more often, she will not need to scratch down there so often, this should be stopped because it is not necessary and not possiel to carry on like this in public and unhygenic.

As for letting her watch all these soaps etc, that will be where she is probably learning all the bad behaviour from! Although the age she is now, it's a bit late to start this!!!

a doctor could come to your house, she doesn not need to know who she is, just a friend of hte family or somethjing, a little white lie for her own good.

wish I knew the answer, it's a lot for you to have to deal with, but it will make you a better person in the long run. stay strong. you need outside help, you can't make this situation better on your own.

Answer 3

I've worked with people who have develomental disabilities in group homes for a few years, so I know that they can often be vexing of your patience and they can embarrass you in public... guess I've just gotten used to that. But, she senses that you guys are embarrased of her. Don't be... just love her. Love all of her... her irritating ways and habits and the way she makes you love all of her good qualities, too. Try to understand her and guide her, but not change her and force her into things because she isn't "smart". Has your family ever tried to socialize her with people like herself? She could feel all alone and be acting out for attention. Even if you have, my guess is she's exhibiting these behaviors because she's getting attention from them and she wants attention or she doesn't know other more appropriate ways to get her point accross. Maybe you guys could have someone in the field befriend her and try to help you out and give you some ideas. Sometimes all it takes is someone outside of the situation looking it, to give a hand. Good luck. I know it can be tough, but she's a person and I know your family cares about her and loves her, or you wouldn't be writing in asking for an answer.

Answer 4

A good psychologist won't let anything you say visably effects them. We hear a lot of crazy s*#@% so don't think you are unique.

Answer 5

Intend to agree with Paul C, You need to speak to "someone" as you say sister can't, but you can right? well you need help for yourself through the system (your not afraid) prior to sorting sister problem, it would be the first initial step before you crack up,seek sooner than later, wish you all the best.

Answer 6

i think the best thing you can do is to get her out of her environment in a setting that is disciplined by group correction in a survival camp

Answer 7

How about a woman psychologist?

Answer 8

She could have turets, you know