My boyfreind hurt my feelings when he told me that he feels embarresed when we go outside bacause people are always staring at us. I told him that if he feels that way to leave me the hell alone but he won't leave me! I Help because he does'nt get it!! What can I do!!
2007-07-16 01:14:13 · 15 answers · asked by limar27 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
People feel self conscious when they feel people are staring at them. I don't think people stare anymore, but comming from another culture he doesn't know that and he's heard a lot of bad about American racism and doesn't have a feel for the culture. He probably is looking to see if they're looking and in effect he's staring himself. Then people do look. Sounds like you both could use some emotional intelligence training and he needs a course in black studies. That should make him proud. With low self esteem you always feel inferior, it comes with the territory. Counseling is best for that. It's a whole looking outside yourself for validation instead of within. "If you don't go within, you go without." People are looking for love in all the wrong places. It's in your thoughts and in your heart. Beauty outside you is just a mirror that makes you see the beauty inside you. Fears inside and you see that all around you. Learning intuition leads you to the other nintey percent of the brain that has all the love and insight and wisedom. If he stops using judgmental words or stops jugding he won't feel like everyone thinks like him and is judgmental, but will think they aren't judgemental and don't judge, if he stops. I hope that's clear enough. Instead of getting mad at him, if you really learn these things, he will probably pick it up naturally almost without a word. Another thing is to always find a positive way of saying things. Negativity in thinking or conversation almost always takes everything downhill. People are starting to stay away from negative people. I have compassion for negative people and love to help them with not a single negative word you can do it. The whole world is so immature, look at the foolish mess. I always thought all couples should go into marriage counselling because you learn so much. A little guile and a sensitive counselor, knowing how men feel, might get him in and if he gets it, it's not hard to become a superior couple, because realtionships is almost a lost art. I only paid tweenty dollars a month for weekly sessions because of my salary. I think a male counselor would be more sensitive to an antsy male, unless your the one that might drop out easily. If he won't go, go alone. If one knows you both do. There's so much to learn about a relationship. If you can't relate to yourself you won't relate to anyone properly. It's not even about race. There are ignorant neighborhoods though.
2007-07-16 01:52:53 · answer #1 · answered by hb12 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to talk like this but people are unaware of how truly prejudiced (some - not all) Hispanic people are. Some of the more Black ones don't even consider themselves "Black" (not as "Black" as African Americans at least). You may not even realize it until you know what to look for. It's built into the culture much like it is in the south. There are many people who cannot take social pressures of any degree and will give in to it. Your ex-boyfriend obviously can't deal with it and is probably getting heat from family members and some friends. Drop him hard and let him know that he can't be with you anymore period - he may think he still has a chance and is feeling guilty for good reason - he screwed up and put himself first when he should have had your back. He may not take no for an answer and you might have to get a restraining order but you should get advice from relatives first before anything.
2007-07-16 01:42:10 · answer #2 · answered by MrCead 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Uh, uh!! So what if people stare in public? Why should it matter to him?
I date Hispanic men, and when people see us in public, they are always gawking, but that never made either one of us embarrassed of the other. What you need to tell him is that if he feels this way, the two of you don't need to be together, he needs to find another Hispanic woman so that he stops being embarrassed. If he still won't leave you, tell him either he gets over being embarrassed of you or you will leave him.
It may be hard to leave him, but he is being naive if he thinks people of all races will not stare at the two of you together out in public. Good luck! *u*
2007-07-16 10:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by tres_leches_33 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do too. && I think the worst is that many people only look at the bad examples of BLACK people, they don't look at the good examples. I am not as extreme as you: I love most "black" music such as rap && r'n'b, but I would say that maybe a third of the music I listen to is sung by black artists, a third by white, and a third by the other races. I don't think there is a "black" culture, but I really enjoy my african && Caribbean heritage (I'm not american). Like you, I would be afraid to present a white boyfriend to my parents, just because everybody in my family dates black people (but that's just because they were raised in african or Caribbean countries; the new generation will probably be more diverse). The problem that I have is that you yourself make a generalization: "other cities with huge black populations is just ridden with drugs and crime", && then you don't want other races to make one. Not every black person in a huge city is affected by crime && drugs ! I think the only thing to do is to ignore the media && the people who embarrass you && to be with who you want to be, no matter what their race is. Don't give up on your race though; don't you think it is a little unfair to the black people who you haven't met && who feel just like you?
2016-05-19 00:38:43 · answer #4 · answered by felica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not even sure if it is a race issue, because many people always look at me and I'm black. I think he feels uncomfortable because he catches people looking at him or it could be because of the interracial relationship. You should ask him the real reason why he feels embarrassed before you dump him.
2007-07-16 04:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey, I'm sorry he hurt your feelings. I agree with the others to get clarification from him before you dump him.
If he is truly embaressed to be seen in public with you, then dump him (this goes for men of any race)! Tell him clearly that you don't want to be with someone who isn't man enough to be proud of his woman. Don't take his calls, don't return his calls, don't let him decide what's going to happen in your life. Then get out there and find a man who's worthy of you. Someone who is glad to be seen with you in public.
Good Luck.
2007-07-16 06:14:31 · answer #6 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he has issues with your race, then why is he dating you? Leave him if that's the case! And do you live in California? I heard there are a lot of gang wars out there between African Americans and Hispanics.
2007-07-16 02:54:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What country does his family originate from? A lot of Latin American countries, blacks are looked down on, that is probably why
2007-07-16 08:01:37 · answer #8 · answered by ST 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...you need to ask him that not us. If he's embarrassed to be with you in public, then maybe he's not the guy for you. If he really cared about you, it wouldn't matter what other people thought.
2007-07-16 02:15:35 · answer #9 · answered by It'sMe23 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How can you ever go out in public with this dude again? Warning.. if you give him a pass and accept his attitude you're in for BIG trouble!
2007-07-16 01:27:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋