Am I wrong?

Question

I have been dating Ellen for seven years. I have proposed twice and we have attempted to move in together but she gets cold feet.She has an autistic son whom I have treated as my own son. I take him to yard sales each week and do many summer activities with him.
Well, Lat week I offered to help Ellen clean out her porch. It was a very hot day and the work was hard. After we finished I bought lunch. I left shortly after that because on each Wednesday, Ellen's Ex picks up the son and brings him to her house. His living quarters are cramped. So he spends each Wednesday with his Dad at Ellen's house. Of course, I am not allowed there at these times.
Well after I left, she went out shopping for groceries and prepared dinner for herself, her ex, her son, her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend.
I must add that I have never been invited or dinner, lunch or any other meal. I am really hurt- I stayed at home having a bowl of cereal while this "family' dined on her cooking. What do I think

It's me willwayaward again! Yes, Ellen's son is autistic and he and I have really developed a strong bond. I love him as much as I love my own children- Yes- Ellen uses this. She says even if we break up I should(not her word) stay in his life.
I just want to say thank you to all you wonderful people. I was really down on myself blaming myself. Now I see it's not all me!!! Thanks so much!!

Answer 1

You say Ellens Ex picks up the boy and takes him to her house ?
Why is that?
The boy does not live with her?
Well for starters I have read all the other answers and all I have read was "shes useing u, get out of the relationship,find someone who will Love you!!
Well Their all RIGHT!
ELLEN IS USING HER OWN CHILD AS HER OWN CRUCH!! SHAM SHAM ON HER!!
Did her Ex leave her ?
Her Ex never re- marred or has a girlfriend?
(if not that is your answer right there!! THAT THE RED FLAG!!)
It look to me like this is the only way she can still stay with her Ex.. useing the kid...
My brother has a special needs child and yes he is divorced .. and he did re-marry...
infact he dated his second wife about 7-8yrs before they got married..Yes my brother did have his Ex pick his son up at his house but he DID NOT make his girlfriend (at the time )leave... He interduced the two from the get go!! In fact my brother dont get along with his ex.. so his wife ..(girl freind at the time) will go and pick up or drop off his son.. the two woman talk normal..BECAUSE HE WAS OVER THIS EX WIFE.. ELLEN IS NOT OVER HER EX AND IS JUST USEING U!!! FOR WHAT EVER U DO FOR HER... """STOP"""!!! """"LOOK!""""AND TELL HER SORRY YOU ARE A PERSON A HUMAN WITH FEELING!! NOT HER ROBOT ..WHERE SHE TELLS U WAHT TO DO ON COMMAND!!!
END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW!!
WHILE YOU ARE STILL YOUNG FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL APPERSHATE YOU FOR WHO U ARE NOT WHAT U OFFER TO HER AND HER KIDS...
LET ELLEN FIND ANOTHER GOFFER!!
YOU SOUND LIKE TOOO MUCH OF A NICE GUY TO HER HER CADDY!!
(GOOD LUCK THERE IS LOTS OF WOMAN OUT THERE WHO IS NOT HEAT LESS LIKE ELLEN!!)

Answer 2

I think Ellen cares for you or you would not have been in this relationship for seven years. She however, is aware of her son's situation and probably fears on a 24/7 basis it would destroy your relationship. As that probably is and will continue to be her main priority. Women don't think the same way men do. There is more emotion involved and motherly stuff. I am in no way saying your intentions aren't 100%. I am sure they are. She is cooking for her, the son, the ex, the daughter and boyfriend not as oooo we're having this dyno dinner, it is probably a way to ease tension and make the experience as well as it can be for everyone. People who divorce with or without kids are often still friends after the hurt and anger wears off. This is ok. It by no means indicates she is still in love with him. There is a big difference in loving and being in love. I am sure the latter is reserved for you, and she may harbor the fear of losing your special relationship if you did become on a 24/7, and she would rather be secure in what she has. Men and children demand alot of attention on an ongoing basis. She is looking at the big picture. Hurt no, I understand, my boyfriend is 600 miles away, called he'd been talking with his ex to be. People and their feelings and just life I suppose are not all black and white. I wish many times things in my life were a bit different, but who doesn't? It isn't all bad, you have something. Hang in there.

Answer 3

I can understand how you feel, but you also have to realize they have a lot of history together and they have children together. Although it sounds like she is afraid to recommit to you. She may still have some unresolved feelings for her ex, or she is wondering how it can work with you because of the Wednesday ventures. Where would the father be able to see his son if she lives with you? This is one of those tricky situations. If your ultimate goal is to be married and have a family, she may not be the one. All you can really d o is talk to her about it and go from there. If it's been like this for the last 7 years, I don't see it changing unless you rock the boat a little. It may end the relationship, but then you will know.
Do you and her ex ever talk at all? Have you even met? She may be afraid you won't get along and then her son will be caught in the middle. I'm not sure, you need to talk to her.

Answer 4

Can you say doormat?
You are being treated like a servant with no regard for your feelings.
Is this the way you intend to continue?
You Sir, have been relegated to "friend" status I hope you at least have benefits.
If not, what are you doing staying around this one?

My suggestion take some time off and see if she calls to find out what is going on. More likely you will not hear from her unless she needs some yard work done. Then you will know right where you stand.

My other suggestion, go date someone else.

Answer 5

I think it is time you moved on. You are ready for a wife and children of your own and Ellen is still hanging on to her past. Yes, it was nice for Ellen to cook a meal for her ex, and for her son and daughter. It was good her children could have a meal with their Mom and Dad. But in 7 years she has not offered even one meal to you. She wants you in her life but only on her terms and she does not want commitment. There are plenty of women out there who are looking for a partner, someone to really share their life with, someone to have a family with go find one of them. Try your church or anywhere else that may have a singles group. Go out and have fun you have earned it.

Answer 6

Not commiting after 7 years is a red flag, but...is it possible that it would be too confusing for an autistic son to have daddy and "like a daddy" in the same room?

Is the dad a little jealous and maybe for the sake of keeping things good for the child, she does this?

I would ask her about it and tell her that it's time to commit if you want to go further. 7 years is too long.

Answer 7

It is strange that you have been together for 7 years and you have never been to dinner at her house. Makes one wonder if she is really into you. She probably appreciates the wonderful things you do with her son, but maybe she is not so sure you are right for her. She must have mixed feelings about you or you would be living together by now.

Answer 8

It sounds like a family dinner to me... not the typical divorced family. Ellen sounds like she's on both sides of the fence. I think you're being used. You are not wrong. Tell her Wednesday dinners should either include you or her son can go to Dad's house.

Answer 9

I wonder if she doesn't still have feelings for her ex. That what it sounds like. I don't know many couples that have split and are still able to eat dinner together likea family! Especially considering you've been with her for 7 years and she hasn't given in to anything. My guess is she's still hoping her and her ex will get back together. You need to talk to her. Find out whats going on, it could just be that she's nervous and afraid, that would be the least of your problems.

Answer 10

Maybe the reason Ellen cooked food for everyone was for her son. I bet her son really misses his dad, only seeing him once a week. It is always good to spend quality time with your father. If this happens again maybe it is time for you to plan a family dinner. It could be just you, ellen and her son or it could be you and some family members with ellen and her son of course. I hope this helps you out a little.