Is it an unwritten rule expecting parents should keep it quiet for the 1st trimester? If so, why?

Question

Well, we are shouting it from the roof-tops!!! If for some reason we do miscarriage then we can handle it (we are strong people). We are just excited!!!! We are not out buying baby furniture or maternity clothes yet (ha), but we have told friends and family! A couple of people have told us that it was tacky, and I have found that it is really something done more by those who have miscarriaged once or more in the past, for those not wanting to be pregnant (like unmarried folks), and/or superstitious people who think telling before the 2nd trimester casts a higher probability of a miscarriage. Well, we are 39, married for over one year, both gainfully employed, no debt, savings account, and happy about being pregnant... and I come from a line of healthy women delivering happy baby's. So, I think I'm good. Thanks all for your notes!!! (Personally, I think it's tacky to tell a new expecting mom what to do; I was told to get use to this.") :)

Answer 1

Don't worry about negative people telling you it is "tacky" to be excited about your pregnancy. I found at I was pregnant very early (3 weeks)...and I HAD to call my parents and his parents right away. It was such a wonderful surprise!

Some people hold off on telling others because they are worried about miscarriage. I wanted my family and co-workers to know because I knew they would be supportive if, god forbid, I had a miscarriage.

I'm now closing in on my 12th week and I am getting more and more excited as I near the end of the 1st trimester!

I have had a couple of people (at the very beginning) tell me "oh that's still early"...almost like they were sure I would have a misccarriage since they had. I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks, 4 days and one lady told me, "you can't see anything important that early"..I said, "my baby's heart beating isn't important"?

There are ALWAYS going to be negative people. Congratulations to you and your husband! Your baby will know soon how wanted and loved he/she is...keep telling anyone you want!

Answer 2

Yes and no. I didn't keep it quiet, but only told close family and friends. But the time I was 8-9 weeks I couldn't keep my mouth shut to anyone anymore.
I guess people don't tell in case the pregnancy doesn't continue (god forbid) and then it is that much harder to have to tell everybody you had a miscarriage. If you tell people you trust, then they should also be supportive if something went wrong.
I had a close girlfriend start telling people at about 7-8 weeks and then found out a week later the baby had died and she then had to tell everyone she wasn't pregnant anymore. That got really hard as one day at work ( i was also pregnant - about 25 weeks) a customer said "oh its the 2 pregnant girls" and she had to quietly go and tell her she wasn't anymore and I could've died on the spot i felt so bad for her. Needless to say, when she finally fell pregnant again, she told no-one for the first trimester.
Its personal, i guess everyone is different.

Answer 3

No, only if they want to. A lot of parents don't want to spread the word just in case something goes wrong during the first 12 weeks, as it can be very heartbreaking and awkward to have to explain to everyone that the baby has miscarried. After the first trimester, the chances of a miscarriage drop dramatically, so people feel safer announcing it.

I've never been one to keep quiet though lol, as soon as I know I'm pregnant I'm shouting it from the roof tops!

Answer 4

I am 21 weeks pregnant and went through the very same thing. We ended up pretty much telling everyone by the time I was 8 weeks. It was amazing how many people were tacky enough to tell me I should wait. Why would I assume that something was going to happen? And for people to suggest that something would was just crazy and terribly rude. I have two friends who lost their babies after 14 weeks. So think you should tell people whenever you feel like it.
It's happy news, shout it to the world. And don't listen to the people who think you should wait. It's not their news to tell. I'm not sure these are probably people I would want around me anyways, pregnant or not.

Answer 5

The chance of miscarriage dramatically goes down once you hit 12 weeks.

If you told everyone that you were pregnant at 6 weeks, and then a week later, had to tell everyone again you had a miscarriage, it would be sooooo sad.

Most people wait until they are "out of the woods".

Answer 6

I am afraid so. Once the 12 week mark has been passed, the risk of miscarrage is greatly reduced. Most people keep their pregnancy to themselves until after this point. However the top secretness does not apply to Mum's and close friends.

Answer 7

i didnt wait to tell anyone except for my other kids. if i did miscarry, it would be hard for me to explain that they werent getting that baby brother or sister anymore. so i waited til i started showing and i knew for sure everything was ok so far. then told them. as far as everyone else, tell who you want!!