Periodically I write and ask advice for a male friend who has had ongoing trouble with the mother of his daughter. I always look for insight and advice here, because some give the best advice here. So many sharp minds. Which has been a awesome resource.
He came to me today, very upset. He recieved some emails, which I read, and was so sick I thought I would vomit.
His daughter has not been to his house in 4 months. And she sent him numerious e-mails stating unless he divorced his current wife, she would never be back. She has claimed her stepmother has pinched her and called her a fat, nasty, lesbian. And cusses her out all the time. This was also what his daughter has said her mothers ex and the kids at school have said. So there is a patern. His current wife has never done anything of the sort and is offended and very put off by them. He is now going to hire a lawyer to terminate parental rights because he is sick of his ex using his child and is disgusted to no end.
2007-07-15 22:53:19 · 13 answers · asked by treasuredwife69 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Bear with me.
My question is when is enough just that? How much does a parent have to take abuse and ultimatums from a ex spouse? Using a child to give ultimatums? Anyone gone through simular??
2007-07-15 22:55:14 · update #1
The daughter has a problem with lying and needs to get some help professionally if she can't do it on her own. The daughter has to realize that his new wife is just that. Accept it, or don't come for a visit anymore. Period. And the ex-wife has to made to realize she has no control over him anymore because she is the ex-wife. Don't talk to her or answer her emails if she keeps talking abusively -- just hang up on her. If you don't react to them she will eventually give up that tactic because she'll sense it is not having any of the desired effects on you. If you do reply at all (to the last email) tell him to say to his daughter that he won't divorce his current wife because she did no wrong here.
Terminating parental rights seems like a hasty step made in the heat of the moment & one that will be regretted for a long time to come (like the rest of his life being without his daughter).
Tell him to keep the faith, keep firm, & always believe in yourself because you know you are right. God bless you for trying to help him too!
2007-07-15 23:21:58 · answer #1 · answered by Andy K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me that he should take that energy and money and file for full custody to remove his daughter from her mother, who appears to be doing more damage than anything else. The emails and school records are written records of a pattern, I would hire the best damn attorney I could afford who works in that jurisdiction, knows the local courts and judges, and knows how to work things....imagine what that girl is going through, who cares about the Dad and new wife, they should be way more worried about the daughter. There is a misperception that kids are better off with their Moms, and that is simply not always the case. Only after I had exhausted every other route possible would I then consider giving up parental rights. And then I might not even do that, because the only thing your child sees is that YOU DON'T CARE, and no matter how many times you try to explain it to them later when they are grown, they more than likely will just feel the rejection and hurt.
2007-07-16 13:29:20 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but if you really are just a friend and have no knowledge of what has gone on except from your friendm then you need to stay out of it. There is always more than one side to a story and you are only hearing one version.
Questions I would ask? What are his visitation rights?
and why doesn't he just go through the court system so that he can see his daughter. Four months is a very long time to go without seeing your child.
2. What parent would terminate parental rights? They would want to do whatever they could..counseling, etc. to mend the relationship with the daughter.
3. Kids usually don't lie. They may embellish. They could tell stories if one of the parents pit them against another however, in the end they will tell the truth about what happened....and they always do.
4. Unless, you are the wife, ex, etc. it really isn't a concern of yours. It is best to just listen and not be so concerned.
2007-07-16 06:46:02 · answer #3 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I've never been through anything like that and I hope I never do. It is appalling to use a child as a weapon in a messy divorce etc, but really this child is just a child, she probably needs some counselling after the split and is messed up in her head which is why she is behaving in such a rude manner, telling huge lies like that can be a sign of attention seeking. It would be a shame to cut his daughter from his life, she is still his daughter and it will hurt her a lot more, and cause more emotional damage to her if he says he wants nothing more to do with her. He needs to be there even more for her and get her some help to sort her head out, if she won't then say to her that if she doesn't want to come and stay there then that is her choice, but his door is always open for her when she feels ready to apologise for her bad behaviour.
2007-07-16 06:03:24 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That child needs some serious counseling. She is probably very jealous of the current wife. A therapist would help her to deal with the emotional problems that have been a thorn in your friend's side for the last 4 months. If the therapist finds that his ex is causing the problems, she will be dragged into the sessions too. Then if he needs to go to court, he has ground to stand on.
2007-07-16 06:08:33 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i have not been through anything like that.........the mother of the child for one should not be having anything to do with the new wife........and if the man can not make his daughter listen and quit her lying then she needs to just stay away from her dad and his new wife.......lots of teens though resent stepmothers...........it does sound like a real mess but i really think he will be sorry terminating his parental rights.........i would file slander suit myself......but seeking a good attorney and getting his advice i think would be the best way to go....it is good of you to try and help this couple though..........
2007-07-16 06:01:36 · answer #6 · answered by sanangel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG - going to court to TERMINATE PARENTAL RIGHTS??
What planet do you live on? He can't terminate his parental rights. If he *can* do it legally, he can't do it morally. HIs daughter will always be his daughter, and especially when she's so young there is never a time to give up on her - whatever her mother is like. If that's the sort of father he is, then to be quite honest the poor kid is probably better off without him.
2007-07-16 06:09:08 · answer #7 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to go to the lawyer to terminate the parental rights if the child doesn't want this, they will soon like his current wife with no problems because they will know daddy isn't going to stand by them in future if they don't behave.
2007-07-16 06:47:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ehm..
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2014-08-08 03:03:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! I think that is more than enough. Get him to divorce the wife and the daughter. Geez where the he** has respect gone to nowadays.
2007-07-16 07:00:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋