How do you cope with seperating from your spouse?

Question

My wife is planning to resign her job today and going back to her home country to live with her parents and her sister. Wehave been married for four years. All the fights and arguements have brought us to this point. She often talks of her ex boyfriend, but admits she fought more with him than me. But I don't look for fights. This situation has come to a head now so she is going fotr about 2 or 3 months. I thinkthe space is good because it will give us both time to assess things clearly. Yet I know if she does'nt come back, I will miss her, and in another way, maybe I won't. For those that have been through this, how did you cope, or if you still are going through this, how are you coping?

Answer 1

Years of being a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on have brought great insight into how people cope with separation and breakup. My first love was lost to my best mate, he was "played" during the so called "give me space" period. For around 18 months I buried myself into my work and eventually I thought I was over my loss, but really I was just concealing it through involvment with others.

Many separations "needing time and space" result in permanent break up. The space is allowed by the "gullible" party and consequentially the wayward spouse gets a taste for freedom and inevitably succumbs to pastures new, shall we say, in a vain attempt to cover up guilt. As a result the new relationship is just as stormy and rarely lasts. Usually it's with a younger or more affluent partner who doesn't really want the same things. (better the devil you know)

The abandoned person may grieve for a long period, feeling unworthy and lacking self esteem, seeing themselves as a failure. For a long time the lack of self esteem will turn into a distrust of the opposite sex and genuine people will be cast aside or overlooked because of the walls we throw up around ourselves.

There's no doubt a separation will leave a huge empty hole in your life and you wont know how to fill it. Night time will be lonely, so will waking up to an empty pillow...but little things like standing alone at a bus stop, or mashing tea for two will be the things that hurt just as bad and memories will flood back.

Initially, you should try and analyse yourself and possibly where you think YOU failed, in order to better yourself. Then examine the behaviour of your partner and see if you can't pinpoint the downfall or tell-tale signs. Grieve by all means, but dont allow yourself to wallow in self pity or anger.

At some point frustration at your "failure" may make you criticise and humiliate your spouse, (before the rooster crows three times...) don't let it happen. Jesus himself was denied, so don't think that you wouldn't stoop so low, it's strange how we allay the blame when really things could have been so much better if we all communicated more efficiently.

Get out and about, call on your friends they will help at first but ultimately it will be down to yourself and your own motivation to climb up out of the pit and dust yourself down.

The guys (and girls) on here will nurture you on your way, call back anytime and we will help all we can.

I sympathise , my friend, but I want to hear you're doing just fine in the not too distant future. Go get 'em. God Bless

Answer 2

Fighting and arguments should not be part of a relationship, sure they happen once in a while but shouldn't be a part of daily life. I lived with a great guy for almost 16 years, it was hard when I left him but life got so much better that i had no regrets.To cope with living alone I started college classes and kept myself busy. Alone isn't such a bad thing while you look for that special person to spend the rest of your life with.

Answer 3

Try to make plans to fill the time she spends away from you with things that will help you organize your daily living situation better. If she does not plan to return, prepare yourself by keeping in touch with your personal health, unfulfilled life goals and get spiritual encouragement from your friends, clergy or a counselor if you have separation anxieties.

Answer 4

i'm 15 and my dad in basic terms moved out 3 months in the past. i'd would desire to truly say it replaced into the worst factor it is ever got here about to me, and that i nonetheless have not recovered completely from it. i in my view buried myself in my activity and schoolwork, and refused to talk to the two of my father and mom approximately the different one for a pair months. i assume it incredibly is extra suitable because of the fact they are the two happier, i'm in basic terms disenchanted that they could no longer wait yet another 2 years (after 22 years) for me to circulate out previously doing this. in case you're dealing with this too, good success, and don't worry, it incredibly is excited by the terrific.

Answer 5

i only coped with it because i was surrounded by friends and had a friend move in with me not long after so i always had company,also i started seeing anew guy even though i knew it was rebound and didnt want to be lonely it helped me get through it ,and then on time i lived on ym own and started lif einitially without him in it was tough at times but got through it best advice is start meeting new people and start going out even internet dating will help

Answer 6

someone once said that if you are in a relationship that person should make you happy, not sad so go with your heart and head, weve all been there sadly

Answer 7

You need to take care of anything you might have to before she leaves because if she never comes back you may be screwed legally.

Watch your back!

Answer 8

hello i have been married 12 1/2 years yesterday my pms was so bad i told my husband get out leave even started snatching clothes out of the closet packing them and i thought he was outside but when i came out he was gone so i threw some of his clothes on the porch 5 mins later he came back and started packing some of his things too for the 5 mins he was gone i feel good but soon as i saw that he to has had enough of arguring we dont fight i felt bad shame like what is my damn promble i said something i never said to him dont go im sorry and i can truly said i felt better in that moment then in the 5 min s i felt free i even clam down if you really love your wife dont let her leave let pride leave i did and im glad i put my pride out not my husband i really love him and im in love with him if you really love your wife be honest tell please dont go

Answer 9

Just hook up with another woman! That oughta keep your mind off your worries!

Answer 10

Its easy
go and find someone who cares about you and not themselves