Friend Problems?

Question

Last night I was supposed to go to my friend's birthday party and I couldn't get a babysitter.
She kept telling me to get my husband to do it, and he would have, but her party was at a bar with all of her friends that I don't hang out with so I wouldn't have known anyone there. Plus my husband is a bit jealous and I know that it would have been a huge fight between me and my husband if I would have went. Well up until last night I planned on just going there for like an hour, just long enough to drop off her gift and talk with her for a little bit and leave. My husband said that was fine. Well yesterday she called before I even told my husband what I was doing and this is what she said to me " I really want you to come, you never come to any of my parties and if you don't come then I can't be held responsible for my actions, I really don't think I will be able to talk to you or be your friend anymore."
Now that just made me mad that she said that, I go to all her parties when......

I can bring my kids, like I go to all her daughters birthday parties, halloween parties,etc. So first of all what does she mean I don't come to anything? Then I just thought that it was a very childish thing to say. She knows that I have 2 kids and it is very hard for me to find a babysitter. So if she can't except the fact that I can't just get up and run to the bar when she wants me to, then I guess I really don't need her anyway.
So anyway..She called again later last night , I am asumming to ask me if I was coming, I just avoided her all night.
What would you have said or done? Thank you

I wanted to add....
She thinks that just because my husband goes to his brothers house on the Friday nights to have a few beers and play games, that he has to keep the kids for me on Saturdays.
You wouldn't believe how many times she has told me that if he don't watch them that I need to leave him. I am sick of her trying to tell me how to run my marriage. I have been with my husband a lot longer than I have known her and he is my husband, the father of my kids. He don't go to bars and I wouldn't like it if he did. He don't like me to go to bars without him and I don't blame him...it is out of respect to one another that we don't and as far as I am concerned, My "Friend" should understand that.

Umm Kathleen ( last person to answer )....what on earth are you talking about??? My husband is in no way abusive. It is called respect. He don't go out getting hammered in bars and neither do I. Where did you get an abusive relationship out of that?

Answer 1

You did the right thing by not going to the party at the bar. As a married woman you shouldn't go to a bar unless your husband is with you or says it's okay.

Your friend--I assume--is either unmarried or has a very different sort of understanding with her husband. She is being unreasonable and not acting much like a friend.

I think she could be forgiveable, but she has to understand you have other responsibilities and loyalties to be served.

She should apologize. You may choose to give her the gift or not as you see fit. You have been gracious in what you have done so far with her and you have nothing to apologize for.

You have a much higher loyalty to your husband and especially to your children. If she does not appreciate that she is not fit to be your friend.

Answer 2

I can see her side of it too. She probably doesn't want to say she knows you will be punished for it. Your husband is making it difficult for you to be friends. It's a matter of time before he wins out and drives her out.

It was 20 years before I saw my one friend again who married a very abusive man. The only one who didn't know it was her. It got nothing but worse. He almost killed her. Like everything he did, it wasn't a big deal. Everything she did including breathing was. The kids, the kids, the kids. Yep. The thing nobody wants to say or be right about.

Answer 3

well i can understand her point of view but honestly theres no need for her to be so rude/ selfish and immature the way she was.

look if you couldnt honestly make the party, dont stress! you have a family to look after that doesnt include getting blind rotten drunk with your friends all the time.. does she have kids? or a life outside of bday parties and crap??
you need to do what your heart wants to on this one.. if shes a good enough friend she will ring and appologise for the way she put her words at you on the phone.. but maybe you also need to ring and appologise sincerely too her as two wrongs dont make a right & we always need girlfriends to talk to in life.

Answer 4

your husband and children always come first...you did the right thing!!! And not only that but you cared enough to talk to your husband and make it so that you could at least make an appearance to show you cared..you sound like a good wife, mom and friend..If she doesn't want to be your Friend anymore because of this its her loss not yours!

Answer 5

A thoughtful friend would have understood your situation. I'm sure you two will make time to talk about what happened. It may end good and all is forgiven, and may not.

Talk it out.

Answer 6

I think she's immature and you should try and find better friends. It sounds to me like she's a little selfish. After all, your husband is far more important to you than a friend...value his opinion and try to keep him happy above all else.

Answer 7

true friends don't give ultimatiums, and true friends don't threaten not to be friends, but true friends don't avoid phone calls either, talk to her and ask her what she ment and if she was seriuos.