Hi everyone, I need some help with this!
I have been married to this guy for 13 Y. he is in the Military, now I found out he cheated on me, and they just had a baby... She got out of the Military, she wants more money from him. He told me that he wants a divorce and he is getting all the support from his family and his new girlfriend. I feel so betrayed and alone... He wants custody of our kids... My Lawyer told me... Probably only because he doesn't want to pay you childsupport... I am finally seeing the fake side and real ugly side in my husband. I told him they can have each other... but I also told him I want to go back home to my family (Norway) but he says "NO WAY"... How will I ever forgive myself that I came here to the US. I want to give back my kids what they never had... Family, Love & nice memories. Can anybody tell me something that will make me feel better? I'm allready in Counceling... but I feel like I would heal better in my own country, Family. Thanks for your Help!
2007-07-15 16:23:54 · 6 answers · asked by peace♥ 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
If you think that being with your family in Norway would be better for you in your healing process, then by all means go and take the kids with you (legally) if that's what you want.
Your husband has been more than inconsiderate of you, so it's time you think of yourself - do what's best for you and your kids. Don't consider his feelings on the subject, it's obvious he hasn't considered your feelings or your kids AT ALL.
You and your kids need to be in a loving, supportive environment all the time, but especially now.
Hope this helps, my best wishes to you.
2007-07-15 16:37:05 · answer #1 · answered by HappyStarz 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well he's got everything figured out,... He wants the kids, he's doesn't want to pay any type of support, is getting support from his family.... Too bad he can't keep his promises or his wang in his pants.
What a sucky situation. I'm so sorry. Hang in there. Think about what you want but also keep a bright future in mind, one where you are happy, surrounded by family, and successful. It will help you move through this situation and give you a goal. US Law on divorce is pretty clear. Unless you are insane, he can't get full custody of the kids unless you approve it, and you get 1/2 of everything. Demand your rights and make sure you work closely with your lawyer to keep from getting more of the short stick.
You are not alone, and there is nothing to forgive. Stand up and do the best you can to provide for yourself and your children.
2007-07-15 16:41:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you need some personal time to work this out. I have a friend who, somewhat in the same boat has taken time, not too long though, to get free of this. What seems like the end of the world now eventually turns into a life free of this and similar hardships.
And if you have been cheated on and can prove it take the guy to court and nail his hide for all you can squeeze out of him. He wants you around to cajole and pick on you and feels you should carry the burden and guilt when all that is in reality is a way to keep you off balance and where he wants you, out of his wallet...or worse. Depend on yourself to do what is right and eventually you will overcome this to live again a full and healthy life. If you have children then they do come first and that as a mother is your main priority. It is no longer about you or him in court, it is the children who come first and be ready to accept that reality... Going away, take the kids but let them have access to their dad if they want. If you abandon them then only you must deal with the consequences. Be careful, that is most of the time the ulterior motive behind such situations, make the innocent one look bad by subtle manipulations. My friends ex wanted her to go and get therapy but it was all a guise to separate her from her money inherited from her father.
2007-07-15 16:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by JORGE N 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for being strong enough to leave this man and I can relate to what you're feeling... keep your cool and whatever you do don't ever make a scene, on custody issues his lawyers will use it against you and the judge will take your behaviour into consideration when he makes a decision. It's great you're in ounseling... there are also support groups ask your counselor or go to the family advocacy center on post... As far as the kids you CAN give them all they need, you're their family and there is nothing bigger or stronger than a mother's love... and as for the memories you make new ones along side them (kids) everyday. Have faith, don't be afraid and you'll see how all will be good.
2007-07-15 16:46:55 · answer #4 · answered by Nisi 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound so much like my friend - she's going through a divorce right now, and I try so hard to help all I can, mostly by lending a listening ear. I know what you're going through is really, really hard, but just know that you are in the right. It's you're husband that screwed up. It sounds like you've done nothing wrong, don't blame yourself. My friend started doing the same thing. Just keep working with your lawyer, and be there for your kids, you need each other more than ever right now. I'm sorry, I don't know how else to help. If you ever want to talk, like I said, I'm a good listener, email me whenever you want. I check my email pretty much every day. Just go to my profile page. Bless you and remember, keep your chin up!
2007-07-15 16:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by Starscape 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I want you to know we aren't all bad. There are also men out there that just want the same as you, but also had our dreams crushed. Fight for your kids. The adultery can be used in court. You will probably not be able to take them out of the country though unless he consents.
2007-07-15 16:39:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋