Let's say the husband is in his mid-thirties and has only been married for 1 year.
2007-07-15 16:22:51 · 20 answers · asked by Richard 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His wife, most definitely, but it shouldn't be a contest. It doesn't matter how long you've been married. It isn't like "oh, it's been ten years...mom, sorry but I love my wife more than you". And it really isn't about that. You don't (or shouldn't) have to choose, but if you did, it should be your wife. Your wife is your partner for life, not your mother. Unless you have unresolved attachment issues with your mother, it shouldn't be a problem. Know that if you and your mother clash, you really can't side with either party but you as her husband should stick by your wife and support her before you would support your mother.
You chose forever with your wife, she will be or is the mother or your children. She has to come before your mother. Your wife should come first in your life. No questions.
Yes and I agree that you need to establish boundaries and loyalties, otherwise wife and mother will clash. Your wife should have your utmost loyalty, way before your mother. Your mother and wife need not be best friends and if they have conflicting personalities, well that's life sometimes, especially when the mother sees the wife as someone who stole her son from her or who isn't what she expected or if the wife thinks that the mother is too intrusive - or hey sometimes people just don't mesh well - but they should be civil, but no, they don't have to be friends. You just have to deal with that, and remember who you CHOSE to make your wife. You have to put your wife first. If you don't, then the marriage is doomed.
If you are in your midthirties then you are way too old to cling to mommy in any form. If your mom is domineering or doesn't like your wife or if your wife is competitive with your mom, then you can't let that ruin your marriage. Set clear boundaries - but remember your priority is your wife, not your mom. Love your mom, but cling to your wife, and your wife comes first.
Any married man who would put his mother ahead of his wife will make his marriage a big failure. Not saying thats what is going on. But that scenario is more realistic sadly than a man honestly having to measure who he loves more.
2007-07-16 02:07:50 · answer #1 · answered by kelly k 1 · 5⤊ 3⤋
It is not a contest, or at least it should not be. The husband needs to take care of his wife, but also needs to be there for his mother.
Love is not a quantifiable thing. You can not say you love someone with a rating of 3 and someone else scores a 4. It does not work that way. A good person has the ability to give unlimited love.
There are different kinds of love. The love of a parent and child is different than the love of a husband and wife! If you were to have a child, would you have to choose to only love the baby or his father? Of course not!
What you really are worried about is your husband still doing things for his mother, and you feeling jealous. It is possible that his mother is jealous of you. You are "taking her son away from her"
You need to find a way to become friends with your MIL if at all possible. That way, you can have the best of both worlds. you will be able to feel that your husband considers you to be important, and he will not feel the pressure from you and his mother!
2007-07-15 16:37:48 · answer #2 · answered by fire4511 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Who should a husband love more? His wife or his mother?
Let's say the husband is in his mid-thirties and has only been married for 1 year.
2015-08-18 11:00:02 · answer #3 · answered by Lizabeth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A husband should not love his mother more.
He should love one just as much as the other, just differently.A mother and child's love, can and should be very strong. When a man gets married he should realize that he now has different responsibilities.He should let his mother know this,But reassure her that he still loves her, but differently than he loves his wife.
2007-07-15 16:50:43 · answer #4 · answered by § dreamer § 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The wife.
The wife comes first and foremost.
The husband has decided to start a life of his own with a woman he took for himself as a wife. They are solely dependent on each other and apart from their parents.
As long as the parents are alive, they will always be there as role models of a marriage, and spoiling grandparents for the kids. You are allowed to love your mom and talk to her, but in matters that put the mother and wife at a standstill, the wife always should get the upper hand.
The person who is destined to be there for the rest of your life is the wife and she deserves all the love that you heart can give. She is your life mate, the partner to accompany your throughout the rest of your life on this earth. The more love you show the wife, the more happy she'll be and the more you will be too.
2007-07-15 16:36:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
He should love BOTH...differently.
A love for his mom is very special. Many can say that the way he treats his mom can show his respect for women period.
A love for his wife should be more romatic in nature.
He should CLEAVE to his wife...LEAVE his mother...
Placing his wife (the person he will SHARE his life with, make love too) ABOVE his mother/family. Doesn't mean he loves his family any less. Just means the "loyalties" change and he dynamics to make the wife feel safe/secure that Husband has his priorities straight will make for a more peaceful marriage.
Plus...women are competitive...a wife and mother with clash if a husband's loyalties are NOT defined and boundaries in place.
2007-07-15 16:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by makinitthru 3 · 9⤊ 1⤋
Love them both. However, the wife has to come first. I have 4 married sons. I always told them I come first until they are married and then it is their wife that must take the priority. Yes, I've eaten those words many times but it is still the right thing. Maybe that's why I get along so well with my DIL's.
2007-07-15 16:32:13 · answer #7 · answered by DPL06351 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
What a question...
U got married and so must have loved your choice at sometime...
Ur mother will always be Ur mother, but a wife is only a wife until there is a divorce, if there is a divorce...
If Ur mother and Ur wife get along that would be great, but if they don't that is a Great Big Problem!!
U need to step back and ask Ur self...who do U love the most?!
Ur gut is a good indicator of what is right and wrong so pay attention to it!!
2007-07-15 16:33:54 · answer #8 · answered by SuasGirl 3 · 1⤊ 5⤋
You can't compare that.Love for a mother is a special one and love for a great wife is special too.
Two kinds of different loves
2007-07-15 16:32:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You don't love either of them more, you love them equally but in entirely different ways. Mother no longer has the control she once had over sons life but he loves her still. Wife needs to let husband be able to show mom he still loves her and his wife too.
It is not a contest!
2007-07-15 16:31:27 · answer #10 · answered by phxmilitarymom 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋