When is enough enough?

Question

I am on my second marriage and ahve 2 children from my first marriage. My now husband wants nothing to do with my children as lately he is not getting on well with them at all. They are both teenagers. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. Is this workable or are we just fooling ourselves?

Answer 1

and when he decided that the kids were NOT a part of the package??

It is an agreed upon fact that if the primary parent (YOU) have NO control over the kids that there is NOTHING the stepparent can say to influence there behavior. That means, you have to be the primary disciplinarian (sorry for sp).

Look at your teens behavior OBJECTIVELY to see if they respect your H and vice versa.

Go to family counseling to sort this stuff out before you divorce. (choosing H over kids should NOT be an option as they are still teens...now if they were grown...that would be different.)

Answer 2

Of course it is workable. First you need to talk to you husband and understand where he is coming from. Then you need to address those issues with your children. After you hear both sides, you call a family meeting. The teenage years are difficult ones in the best of circumstances, but you can still all live harmoniously, you just need open communication.

Answer 3

Good Luck with that!! If that is how he felt about Ur children before U married him...there should have been a clue!! Teenagers are teenagers, heaven help them!!
He says he loves U and Ur kids are a part of U too!! There has to be some compromise or definitely rethink the relationship.
God Bless

Answer 4

Ok Kelly

First They are your children, and THEy probably won;t ever be excited with the man in your life, because he is not THEIR father.

It is expected that teenages will rebell a bit, You have a tough job playing match maker between husband, and children.

If the children are being negavite to him. WHAT have YOU done to correct the situation?

I also suggest find any books on raising teens through a divorce.

God Bless

Answer 5

I'll bet that the friction between your current husband & your teenaged kids is mainly due to them resisting all of his attempts to rule them in his home.

If that is true, then he needs to understand that as teenagers they will never come to recognize him as an authority figure in their lives. It's just too late for him to establish himself in that role.


The ONLY authority figures your children will truly recognize are the parents that were in their lives prior to about age 10, & I assume it was your ex-husband who was the father figure during that period in their lives. So when your NOW husband tells them what to do it has about as much impact on them as any adult stranger on the street.

Of course there needs to be boundaries set in your home while the kids are there. But it is up to YOU to enforce them with your kids, & if your ex-husband truly loves his children he will back you up on that. Even though he may think he's looking after another mans territory, I am sure that he really is interested in his kids happiness & well being, & it would be in their best interest if they learned how to get along with the man who helps put a roof over their heads.

So if this is going to work then you need to step in & let your kids know who's boss (YOU), & what you want them to do is follow YOUR RULES (of course they are the rules set by you & your husband, but to them the rules come from YOU) ;-)

Answer 6

YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF!!! How can he love you if he wants nothing to do with your children??? excuse me, he is married to you now and you have children...dont ever choose a man over your own flesh and blood. Whay should he have to make the decision on how he should be married to you? If your husband now wants nothing to do with your children then you have nothing to do with him. your children will always be there for you, but your husband may not. He may be there for you now, but what if he ends up cheating or leaving you? What are you gonna do then? Knowing you choose him over your kids and he is long gone. your children will never forgive you, and your ex-husband will have full custody of them...and what makes you think he will ever let you see them? DO NOT ever ever choose him over them. You either get him to start getting along with them, or you kick him to the curb. Because he obviously does not love you if he cant love your children.

Answer 7

If you do not have strict guide lines for those teens, and you are allowing them to rule the roost....then no, it is not workable. You have got to set up your rules and you have to ENFORCE them. It is not his job to discipline your children, that is your responsibility, and if you are not doing that and the children are being allowed to be disrespectful towards you and him, then naturally he is going to unsatisfied....especially if you are doing nothing to correct the situation, or if you are coming up with excuses for their bad behavior. Your kids are going through a difficult time themselves....hormones are running rampant in their bodies, and they are trying to find their place in the world, and they become some very mouthy and disrespectful kids. But it is still your job to make sure that they follow the rules. You know yourself that we as adults have rules and laws that we must and have to follow everyday, and if we do not follow them, then we either get fired for being disrespectful and not following the rules, or we get arrested for not obeying the rules. It is your job to set rules and stick to them, I am sure that you want your kids to be productive adults....they will not be that if you allow them to treat you, your husband and others disrespectfully.

Answer 8

That's not good enough or another word not enough.

You'd married your present husband, and nothing can be done. You said your husband love you. If your husband really love you, he MUST LOVE everybody who are with you. He must love and respect your Father, your Mother and your Children. Tell him straight forward. If he love you, he must also love everybody surround you. "That''s will be enough". If he doesn't, I'm afraid it will lead to things that you will not like it to be. I hope he willl change, once you tell him straight on your liking.

When is enough?.

It's going to be enough when your husband change and start loving each and everybody in your the family.

That's enough.

Answer 9

You must ask yourself, has this behaviour between your husband and kids always been there, or has something changed? This will answer your question. It may have been there all along and you just did nnot want ot see it, or it is something new you two need to talk about and get it out in the open.

Answer 10

You have to find ways to settle the kids from your 1st marriage. Once this is done, then you can settle with him and start your 2nd family again. I do understand that it's sometimes difficult to accept children from 1st marriage. Don't let it affect your 2nd marriage.