Should marriage be 50/50?

Question

Im talking expenses, If one spouse makes 70k and one makes 24K how should the finances be split? After I make my car payment,put gas in the car and mainaince, pay my medical bills, credit cards,and groceries I literally have about 50 dollars left.Many times I have bounced checks to pay for groceries. My husband wants me to get rid of my car and give him that money towards the house.He goes out at least once a week. He gave his son a car and pays the insurance as well.He gave his oldest son a credit card w/a 10k limit. My husband pays for all the charges on the card.( including airline tickt for his sons girlfriend) He says he gives them a small percentage compared to what he "gives"me. All 3 boys are in their 20's- one is 27. He calls me a freeloader and wants me to leave. I truely do what I can. I work but am restricted to 30 hours a week due to an injury l He pays all the household expenses I do not ask him for anything.If I do I pay it back. I would leave if I could afford to.

Answer 1

Oh my. I don;t know that you necessairly have a marriage. A marriage is supposed to be based on love. In sickness and in health...blah blah... which means if you can't make money he should take care of you. (Actually if you didn't want to work he should take care of you but that is more extreme.)
You are managing your money; you just don't make as much of it. If he pays for all that for his boys without so much as a sniff he should be paying for all your expenses without much complaint too. If he says these things more than just this one fight (I think even the one is ridiculous) than you would probably do well to get out of there and find someone wo truly loves you.
I know that is much easier said then done thoug. Just by the way he treats you, it is easy to figure you are likely the lover of the relationship. So it is you who would be most broken-hearted to let him go. However, I am certain that given some time you would heal (even financially b/c there are organizations out there even if you don't have family members to help you) and you would then be ready and able to move on and look for someone to love you true.
Good luck with your heart. I shall keep you in my thoughts.

Answer 2

It's a nice thought 50/50 in marriage, but that isnt how it works. 90/10 one day and 10/90 the other. Sometime one needs more than the other and visa versa.
Money wise that is hard as usually one makes more than the other, and the one that doesn't make the money usually does the majority of household chores and runny around.
I think he is being unfair to you. He is judging your worth by how much money your bringing instead of your overall contribution to the family.
If I were you I would do my best to leave him. Something a friend did of mine was but a little away $10 or what ever you can afford. Hide it very well that you are stashing money away. She then just put up with him for a year or so. She then had enough money to get into a shared house situation. This was ideal as she only had a small amount in rent and utilities to pay and it got her out of an ugly situation quickly and quietly. She just packed her clothes and personal affects and moved in to a room - already furnished and all. She just had to buy a small car and some sheets and blankets.
It was a great planned escape - with little hassles, but don't put up with that kind of attitude from him - you don't deserve it.

Answer 3

Marriage is not a 50/50. It is not about what spouse A makes or what about Spouse B makes. You two earn 94 000 a year. Therefore, all the decisions have to be mutual... not saying you should cut off his sons, but you should have some say over how much your husband gives to them. Also, groceries,and medical bills are for sure shared expenses. A car and credit cards are debatable, depending if you bought them while you were together or while you two were apart.

If you get your husband to read this, make sure he reads this last part:

Listen up Buddy... She is your wife. It is your job to take care of her, and with you 70 000 a year you have plenty to do it with. She shouldn't have to pay for ANYTHING if she doesn't want to!

Answer 4

Based on what you have told us, you don't have a marriage, you have a work contract in which you have a rotten deal.

I was going to answer that a marriage shouldn't be 50/50, it should be 100/100 - both parties should give everything to the marriage. But then I read the addition info - sorry dear, the guy you've married is a bum and the sooner you can get yourself out of this situation, the better off you'll be. Just be sure and get as much out of the settlement as possible

See a good attorney BEFORE you tell the bum you're leaving, and make sure the lawyer specializes in divorce law. Soak hiim

Answer 5

First of all, when you are married, you SHARE everything, and that includes the money. It should all go into one place where every bill is paid. It should not be a 50/50 split or any other kind of split. You should not be keeping track of who makes what and who pays for what. If your husband is not happy with the situation, which sounds like a control issue, then you need to get out. Remember, no amount of money is worth being in an unhappy place!

Answer 6

It seems to me that he doesn't know how to do the math...
70k and 24k are vastly different than one another. What kind of husband does this? I would take your money and run or he will. If he cannot afford things and wants YOUR money too, he is a control freak. You could turn the tables on him.If you DO leave, how many years were you married? I think you may be able to get alimony if you leave...which I would plan to do soon anyway.It sounds to me that he isn't a husband at all. He is acting more like a landlord!!!! Get out while you can. There are other fish in the sea that aren't sharks!!!

Answer 7

Wow, that is sad. I am not one to give advice about marriage since I walk out on mine for so much less than what you describe. What I do know is that friendship is 100/100- two whole individuals that compliment each other. One may have more money and enjoys treating the other financially and the other one may offer more emotional support or helps with repairs or something else that makes both friends depend on the other someway.

One example is my children when they were teenagers. My daughter worked multiple jobs to have spending money. If her brother (my son) wanted anything, she would work even more to get it for him. On the other hand, he used to enjoy waiting on her hand and foot to the extent that outsiders thought he was way too good to her. He liked to make things for her such as building a computer that looked like Hello Kitty. They complemented each other.

Your situation is abusive and not supportive. I think you need to address this and protect your own sanity until things get better. If your husband is so greedy and conceited he may not have the ability to be a true partner. What the heck did you ever see in him?

Answer 8

What kind of marriage are you in where you have to take loans from your husband and fend for yourself? What a terrible situation. You work! Get a second job waitressing if you have too. You could afford to leave this husband of yours if you really wanted to! I agree with one thing your husband is saying---get rid of the car! But instead of giving him the money, use the money to lease you an apartment of your own. Buy an inexpensive used car. I would not continue to be under the same roof with this person you call a husband.

Answer 9

this doesn't sound like a true marriage to me. It sounds like you are roommates, and not even very good ones at that. As far as what he does with his son, unfortunately that's part of the baggage of the whole step child/step parent relationship. I don't think marriage should be 50/50 -- but 100/100. You are both giving all that you have to each other, and as you give good things -- good things come back to you. What did you do before you married him? Surely there were signs that this wasn't incredibly loving? Or, are you being a loving wife? Are you making him feel like a loved and appreciated man? I highly recommend the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and/or the Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage to read. That is, if this guy is a decent guy to start with. If he's not, then it's too bad you put yourself in to this situation.

Answer 10

Yes. But a marriage should also have TRUE LOVE, and true love won't count the money to see who is paying more or who's paying less. And true love means neither spouse will take advantage of the other when it comes to money...because HOPEFULLY there is True Love between the two. If he wants you to leave, then obviously your marriage has serious issues. I'm sure there's alot of details surrounding why. Sorry to say but the worst is yet to come if it gets all legal. I'd try to save your marriage first through sincere, honest communication. But be prepared for anything.