Why do I always have to get revenge? What can I do to change??

Question

If someone makes me angry or insults me I can't just let it slide off my back and get over it. I have to get even and make them feel 10 x's worse. For example- if someone even just insults me on the surface, I'll shoot back with something that cuts to the core. I'll find their deepest vulnerability and expose it. Like I have to get revenge to make them "regret" challenging me. Kind of like "Ha! Try messing with me again".

I'm not proud oft this- I really want help for it. I feel horrible after I do it. I feel bad for the person and ashamed that I can sink so low to truly hurt someone emotionally.

What can I do to stop this? I've been like this ever since I can remember- even when I was younger I always had to have the last word and I'd get revenge on someone for doing something mean to me (I'd hide their favorite doll or something)

On the flip side- I'm a quiet person that likes to help people in need. I volunteer at homeless shelters, food drives and habitat for humanity.

I consider myself a caring kind hearted person that would do anything for anyone--- until they double cross me. Then all bets are off---- is there anything that I can do to change this?? Help!! I hate being this way!

Answer 1

it actually looks like you're really insecure. ie. you can't stand when somone insults you, you're worried it might be true, so you lash out against them to make yourself feel better. its kinda like being a bully. to change...i really don't know but i can advise that taking small steps to change probably could do it. every time someone insults you/makes you angry, try to say something cliche/trivial (ie. well you're stupid!). once you're able to do that, just try to not say anything back. it'll probably take a while.

Answer 2

Perhaps in order to understand your own responsibility in this behavior try Eric Berne and the "Games People Play" in Transactional Analysis. It appears that the outcome of all this is a cycle with a beginning and middle and end and the only person effected really is yourself.
Self defense is proper and necessary. When it is self defense and "rumor control" fits right in there in that what you want is respect at almost any cost so as to not be violated or encroached upon. You feel that letting it "slide" is sending out the wrong message and you may be correct. This book will open the possibility of understanding how to avoid or engage in this activity as may be the need at the time and in the long run how to structure your time so as to not let yourself become immersed and drowned to the point that revenge must be utilized to obtain that autonomous and free feeling again.

Answer 3

When someone is ugly towards you try taking on the role of victim. Nobody ever wants to be a victim, but what would happen if someone said something hurtful and you pretended to be victimized? By doing this you would see how they feel when you react the way you do. There is a big difference between being a victim and choosing to be a victim. By making yourself not fight back you would know the anxiety and pain. Having the role of victim totally in your control you could stop it at anytime because you have that power. I'm speaking only of using it to learn and understand. Change is not easy.

Answer 4

you're scared that the person is right. You get very insecure and disappointed by the thought of them being right. Sometimes letting it go shows that you dont care about what the person thinks, therefore the person will be even more furious. Humans are made to seek attention. If you dont give it to them, they'll be furious. remember this is what causes anger:
I am human>>wanting love kindness>>>not getting it>>>hurt, fear, sadness,>>>ANGER.
now why would someone make you feel like you are NOT human? Why would someone have that kind of power over you? think about it. good luck.,

Answer 5

Are you a scorpio by any chance .PRAY I'm not kidding there is no way someone who volunteers and helps others could also be so vindictive evil exist don't let it take over who you really are which sounds to me like a very nice person with a very ugly weakness be strong walk away you'll feel better when you do

Answer 6

How can u get bossed around by using a 10 year previous? in basic terms say no and if she threatens you're saying that a Cookie Monster / frightening bunny monster gets undesirable ladies whilst she is dozing. in case you're no longer doing something what do u would desire to worry approximately.

Answer 7

I don't feel you need to change anything. I think your actions will sharpen the awareness of those who don't think before they speak or worse, deliberately speak down or mean to others. IMO, there's no justification for meanness - so why do you feel bad when you respond in kind? They may do it once, but I doubt they'll do it twice. I say, "You go girl!"

Answer 8

I'm the same way but I don't feel bad when I fire back .If they start sh** with me or my friends then I'll finish it . As Long as you don't provoke it . But I am a guy and this is probably the most immature answer you get here but if they deserve it then the hell with them!

Answer 9

I'm sorry I can't help you solve this, but I'll be keeping an eye on your question because I have the same problem!!

Just wanted to let you know that there are more of us :-)

Answer 10

“An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.”- Mahatma Ghandhi.

Non-violence is unique to India.
Megasthenes wrote that India never
invaded any country.

Mahatma Gandhi has shown the
power of non-violence - it has shaken the roots of the great British
empire.

Practice meditation coupled with
Yoga.

Many years of their usage proved
their superiority over other techiques
in the world.