I know my hubby cheated on me though maybe no sexual relationship with that women. He has since stop all contacts from her. However, I lost the trust that I used to have in him. I become paranoid easily. I can't forget what he did and keep imagine what he actually did with that women doing those few months. It really hurts me.
2007-07-15 14:58:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Willie Nelson has a country song, "Forgiving her was easy, but forgetting seems to take the longest time". I don't know that you will ever forget what he did, but try not to dwell on it, or your marriage will never survive. Good Luck!
2007-07-15 15:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You WON'T forget. It's like this: When someone hurts you, it's like they cut you on your chest over your heart. It will scar with time, but the scar will always be there. Now, you won't be looking all the time, but when you do look at it, you will remember how you got the scar. Just because you have a scar though, this does not mean they can't hurt you again. Does this make sense? I know there could have been a better way to say it, but I can't think of one. Anyway, I hope it helps. I'm sorry you're going through this, but although it sounds cliche, remember that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Take a look at your situation, and you'll see some good WILL come from this. What have you learned about your husband? What have you learned about yourself? We always say, "Oh, it such & such thing happens to me, I'll do or say____" But we truly don't know how we will react until it happens. Did you react the way you thought you would? What do you wish you could change? If it happens again, how will you handle it? Will you put up with it again? If not, you need to have a back-up plan. Do you have kids? How will they be affected? You ALWAYS need to have a back up plan in case ANYTHING happens. Maybe this has opened your eyes and now you see things differently. I know you're going through a hard time, but I've been there. So if it makes you feel any better, I was glad my now ex husband wasn't in love because I think it would have been harder, and it sounds to me like your husband wasn't either, that means he loves you. Now, you need to stand your ground and literally be a stronger woman.
2007-07-15 22:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't forget and . . . you shouldn't. I'm in a similar situation. No sex, so he says, but, like you, I do find my mind wandering. I have made the conscious decision to forgive (I'm an idiot in love), but WILL NOT forget. It would be stupid to forget. We have to keep our guards up and trust must be earned. Gradually, it will come back, but it will take time and a lot of effort on both parts. I know what you mean about imagining . . . I picture it over and over in my head, the only person it hurts is me. How will I ever trust him again? I don't know. Will I even be able to? I hope so. Otherwise, this is more of my life I'm wasting away.
2007-07-15 22:06:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has been 8 yrears since mt wife cheated and it is not a easy as everyone here says. you you turn on the tv, internet...etc. it is all about people cheating and keeps bringing those memories back. It is hard and I am trully sorry you are going thru something like this. 8 years later I find myself still paranoid, I will not be made a fool again. I only stayed for the kids and I always question myself if I did the right thing. FYI, if he did it once chances are he will do it again.
2007-07-15 22:34:03 · answer #4 · answered by s f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus more on the strengths of your relationship, rather then the weaknesses, and think about how much you love each other, and try to put it behind you. I supposed it's alright if someone makes such a mistake once in their marriage, however if it happens more then once, then there is no more forgiving. I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I hope you will have the strength to forget.
2007-07-15 22:03:34 · answer #5 · answered by Yulia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First....you haven't truly forgiven until you can let the cheating go. Second....you should never forget and always be aware of signs. If you and your hubby truly want to stay together, you need to get counseling to learn to trust and find out why he cheated. It takes time to forgive and even longer to trust again.
2007-07-15 22:03:48 · answer #6 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but you will never forget. In time you will learn to put it behind you. My ex husband cheated on me and I forgave him the first time but it was always on my mind what he did. I got paranoid as well and it was miserable. Just thinking that he went and took something that was suppose to be sacred between me and him and shared it with another woman. Then once he cheated on me again with a different woman I left his a**. Cause I wasn't going to go through all that heartache again to take another chance for him to do it to me again. So what he needs to do is show you and prove to you that you can trust him. In time you might be able to trust him again but the thought of what he did is always going to be there but I hope in time you can learn to put it behind you and you two can move on.
2007-07-15 22:09:21 · answer #7 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To forgive is not to forget... You will NEVER forget it. For me after 10 years, the pain & fear is still there though my husband hasnt cheated in 8 years. I have forgave him, but the thought of what has been done will be there. It hurts less over time, but its how we learn sadly. You just have to wait it & hope that your love is stronger then your paranoia... Just talk to him, but dont nag. Tell him your fears & how it hurts. If he is loving to you, he will hear you out & try to help... I wish you luck...
2007-07-15 22:06:28 · answer #8 · answered by Raven Punk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating hurts. but remember he came back to you. that means he loves you more than her right?
if you forgave him you should be ok. the fact that you still think about it says that you still have not or want some closure on the matter.
ask urself what is bothering you the most. talk to ur husband about it.
when my husband messes up i make him pay me :)
make it fun to forgive him. make him take u on a vacation or cook for you for 3 mths or something like that.
it will always hurt but we love them right so we need to give and take and keep a balance
2007-07-15 22:06:00 · answer #9 · answered by Spark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day at a time, one step at a time. You just let go and trust him. Keep your paranoid thoughts to yourself and do not act on them. Given time, probably 2 or 3 years, it will be better.
2007-07-15 22:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋