Okay, this is the story: I drove 5 1/2 hours to go pick up my 15 year-old step-daughter, and we had a GREAT time (at least I thought). My husband had to leave for a couple of days (he owns his own business and had to fix some equipment located in a town close to my step-daughter's house) and was leaving her in my care. She told my husband that she didn't like me, didn't want anything to do with me, and didn't want to talk to me and even called her mom to talk her mom into coming to get her.
When she called her mother, she said, "I don't like her, and I don't like him." She did this is the presence of my 6 year-old son and eight year-old daughter--my son started crying because he thought she was talking about them. She caused a lot of problems with my husband and my husband's ex-wife...I have tried to stay neutral.
What would you do in my situation??
2007-07-15 14:47:28 · 13 answers · asked by futureteacher0613 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BTW, my husband and I have been married for 13 years.
2007-07-15 14:47:45 · update #1
Excuse me, MI...he has to work for a living!! He has his own business...and he gets called to leave for jobs all the time--WE LIVE 5 1/2 HOURS AWAY...he does need to spend time with his daughter, and she does have a little brother and sister she needs to spend time with! We used to live in the same town until Hurricane Katrina took our home...it's not like he wasn't there for her all of her life, and when he does go to the Coast, he does pick her up and take her out to eat and stuff...
2007-07-15 14:54:50 · update #2
Also, her mother is remarried. I didn't replace her mother...never would
2007-07-15 14:56:02 · update #3
Yes, this hatred is new...we had always been close. I wouldn't change a thing about marrying a man who had a child from a previous marriage...
2007-07-15 14:58:48 · update #4
I do stay out of the situation...that is her parents' responsibility to dish out punishments and to speak about her behavior. My husband speaks to her in private, and I stay out of it.
2007-07-15 15:01:56 · update #5
I was an evil step-daughter and there was nothing my step-mother could have done to change it. She is a nice woman but at the time I was so hurt. I always felt that I had to compete with her for my father's attention. I felt that my father was choosing her over me. Now I am 28 and I understand that I didn't but it doesn't change the way I felt then. All you really can do, in my opinion, is let her father speak to her privately, without you, maybe include her mother so mother can explain that it IS ok for her to like you. (assuming mother is a decent person).
I wish you the best... I know it can be hard.
2007-07-15 14:57:30 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
coming from a step daughter that HATES my step mother (for extremely good reasons) I would say do ur best to keep out of it. Be the sounding board for ur husband. Explain to ur children that she doesn't hate them, she's just a teenager and has some tough things going on. Let them know she loves them, it's just kind of hard growing up...being a teenager is tough, but a teenage girl is tougher. Don't take it personal!!!! She could be going thru personal things that no one knows about and whats to b left alone. Being with her mom is safe because well its her mom. It's her room, in her house, with access to her friends. She'll come around, just be gentle and try as hard as u can to understand where she's coming from. Remember how difficult it was being a teen? Try being a teen in this ever changing and messed up world that exists today. I hope this helps some
2007-07-15 15:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by mrsprincess07 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I wouldnt do anything. Just let her come to you. Divorce is REALLY tough on kids (and even tougher on some others). She may have always had hopes of her parents getting back together then you came into her life. She sees you as the wall keeping her parents apart. Its perfectly normal. She probably also sees you as the woman who replaced her in her dads life. Think about it from her perspective. Just dont get on her case too much. You may have married her dad but if you try to punish her or be her mom shes just going to push you away even more. Let your husband handle the situation. Its his daughter and by butting in you might make the situation worse
2007-07-15 14:57:50 · answer #3 · answered by futuresuperstar_91 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋
i think she has some issues to say the least. maybe she's jealous of the other children. maybe she was upset that her dad wasn't there. maybe she doesn't like the rules. maybe she just wanted to be in her house near her own friends. the fact is, there are a lot of things that could make her behave this way. perhaps her dad could visit her at her mom's house for a while. let things calm down. she's a teenager. even on a good day they could drive mother theresa crazy.if she hates to be there, don't force it. that may only make things worse. hopefully, she'll outgrow her attitude and realize, he's the only dad she'll ever get.
2007-07-15 14:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by racer 51 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Obviously you have tried to be her friend, but it isn't working. I would respect her boundaries.
She is still angry at her dad, and rightly so!! You replaced her mother in the home. I would be mad too!! Teenage girls are more vocal than boys about stuff like this.
Tell your kids that she wasn't talking about them, that she was angry and was sharing her feelings to her mom and that is it...DON'T get your kids involved in this drama.
I am divorced 2 years and will not marry until my kids are grown up.
You should have never married a man with minor kids. Bad move on your part.
2007-07-15 14:57:21 · answer #5 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I think both parents should sit Missy down, first talk with her about respect!.
(Father) explain that he love her very much and that will never change .
.Your husband need tell her that's she a big sister now,he should ask her if she want him to be happy.
The mother also tell her that your trying to be her friend not replace her
2007-07-15 15:17:04 · answer #6 · answered by holla 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She's 15, she doesn't like anyone in authority right now. She is rebelling, if she wants to go home, let her. No matter how long you have been married to her dad, you are still her step mom and she will probably never warm up to you as much as you might like.
2007-07-15 14:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by QT 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
That'd be the last damn time I'd pick her up. Either she can walk or let her parents figure out how to get her somewhere. And I'd be telling hubby no one is going to disrespect me in my own home and he better get his daughter set straight about that.
2007-07-15 14:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
i still have these problems and my kids are in their 30's. i just take it one day at a time now. and i keep my mouth shut when it comes to the kids talking of my EX.
2007-07-15 14:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by cheeky 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is this hatered a new thing? Sit down and talk to her. And just tell her that this is your house too, and you expect her to respect the rules just like to other kids do.
2007-07-15 14:54:48 · answer #10 · answered by Brandi 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋