I'm in my early 30's and with the same person for 12 years (I've been cheated on, ignored..the whole 9)...3 kids later I have no feelings for him...we've tried counseling and staying together for the kids...common sense says to part ways but he wants to keep trying and says I'm cold. I say you only get one shot at life and I don't want to be miserable at mine. Any thoughts from people who've been where I am? Thanks!
2007-07-15 14:29:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO...I should have been more specific..we've been married for 12 years...known eachother for 21 years...
2007-07-15 14:38:17 · update #1
I think you can fall out of love with someone esp. if they don't love you back.
2007-07-15 14:33:16 · answer #1 · answered by amber_36532 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy. Well, I haven't been where you are, but I will let you know that my folks divorced when I was 14, my sister was 12, another sister was 10, and another sister was only 5. My brother was 16. Did it scar us? Sure. Did we all go through some screwed up times in our own relationships due to the bad role models we had? Sure. Do we have great relationships with our folks now? For the most part. Did we forgive our parents? Some of us did, some of us didn't. All that aside, I can tell you that I see my mother and father as human beings who tried to do what was right for themselves and for us kids. My mother ended up having to support all five us by herself for a time. That was no easy task. I asked her recently if she had any regrets and she said she was sad that it was hard on us, but she acknowledged that it may have been worse if she became numb by being in the relationship. The ironic part is that she would have stayed only for us, yet it would have had the opposite effect of what she was trying to achieve. You need to do what will make you the best mother you can be for your kids. If something isn't working, after a while you need to try something else, right?
2007-07-15 14:43:40 · answer #2 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To fall out of love is not heartless - to be heartless would mean that you were never able to love, and you were. Love is a living thing, and so it can die, or be killed off.
Cheating can do it, so can being constantly ignored. Feeling that no one cares whether your there or not, will do it.
If you have given counseling an honest chance, and it hasn't worked for you, then its time to bite the bullet, and finish this.
The kids will do better with a happy parent, than one that just tolerates their situation (as many other posters have said).
2007-07-15 14:48:27 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been divorced for two years and each part of the process is extremely difficult, however, I am so glad that I took the initiative at being happy. I stayed in a bad marriage too long, but I did it for our daughter and to ensure that I wouldn't have any regrets. Occasionally you have to put others aside and make the deicision that you know is right, of course your spouse will be opposed to the breakup, but if you're sure about your feelings you won't regret taking a chance. Your children come first and sometimes doing what's right for their mother is what's in their best interest.
2007-07-15 14:58:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister fell out of love, actually. You aren't being heartless, your heart just got tired of everything he made you go through. You are probably making a huge mistake in staying with him for the kids, things will get worse as time goes by and you won't want that. My parents have been together for 22 years and my mom has stood by him after he raped her and things haven't really gotten better since then. I feel so bad for my mom, really. I'm 19 and she only stayed with my dad because of us. I appreciate her sacrifice but i would have rathered she just gotten rid of him a long time ago. What your kids will want is for you to be happy in the end... that's my opinion. Good Luck!
2007-07-15 14:37:40 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Lil love lady ♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT waste your life! If you're not happy, you need to do what's right to make yourself happy. If that's leaving him, then, DO IT! Kids are intuitive. Don't stay together for them, they can see right through you. They know you're not happy and often will blame themselves for the negative relationship that you have with hubby. I, within the last year, left a relationship I had been in for 10 years. It was all I had ever known, but I just couldn't (and wouldn't) take any more. While, at times, I am REALLY lonely . . . I have never been so happy. I'm so proud of myself for doing what I needed to do for ME. Best decision I ever made.
2007-07-15 15:00:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can someone call you heartless when you have stayed with a cheater.I'm not saying if your partner cheats on you it's over because anything can work if the two of you want it to.That's the key you both need to work on your marriage together. Ask your husband where was his heart when is had his dick in another female was he trying to work things out with you then.Your husband is another fine example of a very selfish person.
2007-07-15 15:16:09 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it is possible to fall out of love! You are not heartless! I think you have built up so much resentment that you have become numb to him. I think its your sign to allow yourself to stop being his doormat! I have been there! My ex-husband had affairs; one I know of for sure, others I suspect. He was also abusive to me! I got to the point where enough was enough. I was numb and it was nothing to walk away from him w/ out looking back. It was the best decision I ever made!
I am now happily married to my first love. I am treated w/ nothing but respect and love! I am confident that he will never hurt me and it feels wonderful!
Best of luck to you! I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can say, follow your heart and be happy! Don't live a miserable life! I am all about saving marriage, but when there is infedelity or abuse involved, I just don't see it being able to be saved!
2007-07-15 15:02:38 · answer #8 · answered by hereigoagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I think it's time to walk away. I just found out my husband really doesn't have any feelings for me anymore and even though I want to keep trying he says his heart just isn't in it. I respect him enough to let him go. We've only been together 5 years and have two kids. Life just sometimes doesn't work the way you want it to. Even though you might hurt him do what's best for you.
2007-07-15 14:48:25 · answer #9 · answered by Tara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd spend some time and money on books on making a successful marriage. You need to decide that this is what you want to do if it is going to work. Find ways to bless your husband and eventually he'll probably begin to do the same.
Go to counseling, if that counselor doesn't work, find another.
Go to marriage seminars and conferences. Look for ideas to enrich your marriage.
You can make this work if you work at it. It can be a fulfilling enjoyable life together.
2007-07-15 14:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by StacieG 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes love isn't enough. It osunds like when you were trying to put things back to rights he didn't care. And now that you are D.O.N.E. he wants to play the knight in shining armor. Don't feel bad. Now you are old enough to know better, and young enough to still have fun. If you are not happy, and if you are sure that you can walk away with a clear heart, then I say go. He deserves to find true love, and so do you.
2007-07-15 14:36:36 · answer #11 · answered by Brandi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋