What do you do when you have been married 16 years and finally meet the woman of your dreams?

Question

Through work I have met a woman who is not a co-worker, but a prospect to be a business partner with our company. I believe she is the woman of my dreams, but I have been married for 16 years with no plans to divorce. My thoughts are totally consumed by her and I walk around with a hollow feeling inside knowing that I will most likely have to let her go. I feel as though I can barely breathe when I think of her. She is breaking my heart and doesn't even know it.

Answer 1

Why did you ever say "I DO" to your wife if you really did'nt mean it???
God says to let your "yes" be "Yes!" and your "no" be "No!", and that anything else is of the devil.
You sound like I used to be, when I was caught up in sexual addiction. Thinking sex is love and love is sex. Which is a lie!!
Just fantasy.
"Whst if... " is fanatsy. A lie!
So, what you are saying is that your word means NOTHING!?
Love is a >>choice<<. The feeling follows. Please listen to and trust what I say. I have been there.
You are only caught up on the "high".
Go tell that woman at work that you are married, and but that you just realized that she is to be your wife, not the one you are already in a >>covenant<< with, and she what she says.
Hehe.
She will say that "You just want the best of both worlds you pervert!". She will tell you that you are caught up in fantasy, and do not know what you really want, and that your word means nothing. As she also will know that later you will want to divorce her as well when your desire comes across yet another woman you think should be your 3rd wife.
My uncle did the same thing. Even at church. A lady walking down the aisleway he saw, and even told his current wife "I think she is supposed to be my wife". His unresolved guilt and shame later drove him to hang himself on a tree, (after they moved to California cuz he wanted to sample the women out there).
If you look at porn, or just caught up in the "image" of women, that is part of your problem also.
One thing you suffer from is >divided devotion< and >conflict of interests<.
I tell you the truth.
I was there bro.
Your current wife was your "dream" at one time, or you would not have "persued" her, not have "asked" her to marry you, would not have said "I DO!" to her!
The "I DO" is the covenant, the security and strength of the marriage.
Does your word mean anything?
Will it to anyone else?
If not to your current wife, why/how to any other???
So, why did you LIE to your wife then when you said "I DO!" for better or worse???

What does "Faithful and True" mean?
What is "love"?
Why are you back and forth like the waves of the sea?
Please contact me if you desire encouragement, and the "truth". It will set you free. You wanna be free?

PS, the more women you look at, lust after, have sex with, make a covenant with, the more you will get very deeply entangled and further from the truth and what is real and true. Trust me!
And... no one woman will EVER be enough for you, cuz you mixed up and confused your devotions so (too) much.
I know. I had a VERY hard struggle. With the >image< of a woman, and my devotions.

I wish you well bro.
God is love.
Love is a choice.
Choose well.

Answer 2

How much do you know about this "woman of your dreams"? If you have been happily married for 16 years there is obviously something good with you marriage. You are possibly going through a mid-life crisis and looking for some new excitement in your life. Why not try something new with you wife? Make a conscious decision not to think about the other woman and these feelings you have will pass.

Answer 3

Hey there! Well it seems as though you already know what your dreams means but I will still give you my opinion of what is going on. Your first and most committed relation you had started when you were a teenager and that is when it sparked up. Also when you are a teenager then is that spark between young people where sex is the most important thing. You may feel as though your young age was taken away from you too early. So by having these dreams you are obtaining something you desire and something you have missed out on. Instead of pursuing it illegally in real life you subconscious is providing it to you in another more private, accessable form. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Your married. Stick to your marriage - you made a committment. So you divorce and get with this woman - than suppose another comes along that takes your breathe away - do you do the same? Some people you meet can take your breathe away. Sometimes there is chemistry with people whether your married or not but your still married. Try working on your marriage before jumping into something.

Answer 5

Be thankful for your wife!
She is the present women of your dreams.
The other at work is just a way for satin to break the happy relationship you have.
The other women might look and act like your dream girl, but you probably have too much in common.
You and your wife work together and have for 16yrs.
You just starting to know this other women.
Think back on what made you want to marry your wife in the first place.
She was probly the women of your dreams then.
The grass always looks better on the other side, but your not there to see the flaws. It always looks better from a distance.

Answer 6

After sixteen years of marriage do you really want to throw that all away for some woman your probably don't completley know, sounds like your in love with a fantasy, your having a crush, your lusting, think long and hard, because deep inside your heart you know the best thing to do is just dream and fantasize about her but don't act on your actions, because 16 years with someone is not worth giving up over someone who you could also get bored with years later.....

Answer 7

If she doesnt know it, how do you know if she is available, if she is even interested in you?
If you have no plans to divorce, what is wrong with your own marriage. Look within your own walls first, see what you can reasonably do to work together with your spouse to start anew and remember, this woman is not a co-worker. Dreaming about her only helps you to ignore your own problems.
Fact is, when one is breaking away from a relationship gone bad, a crutch is desirous. You have to be free, available emotionally and ready before approaching another person for connecting.

Answer 8

I'm not going to judge you. I feel your pain.
All you can do is make a decision. If you want to be with this woman,you first have to be free to do so.
Get a divorce. Your wife will thank you. If you're lusting for someone else,there is obviously something missing in your marriage.The spark is gone. Getting divorced will be hard,but if you no longer love your wife,and trust me,you don't or you wouldn't be eyeing someone else, then it's the right thing to do.
Be single for awhile before jumping head first into another relationship. Some people just aren't meant to be married.
Good luck to you.

Answer 9

First off, you have let this thing fester too far. Anytime you start to have any attraction to another woman whom you will be continuing to spend time with through work or whatever, you should tell your WIFE that you are having these feelings. Doing this has a tendency to kill those feelings before they grow, because suddenly it isn't secret anymore, plus your wife will be in the loop, and you won't be as tempted to start lying when you have been honest thus far. You made vows with your wife. Try to remember what you promised. Are you a man who keeps his promises or not? Sometimes marriage is hard. I know. Sometimes there are ups and downs, where you may feel as though you love your wife at times, and then go through a long period of not feeling as though you love her anymore. If you nurture the relationship, and keep acting as though you love her more than anything in the world, and keep your mind off of other women, and keep honest with your wife, trust me those feelings will cycle back even stronger than before. I have gone through times when I don't feel like I love my husband, too. Sometimes, in fact, I almost hate him for even convincing me to marry him, and wish I could have a do over. But there are no do overs with marriage. At least not for someone who believes in keeping vows and/ or is a Christian, and I am both. I stick it out and end up falling in love with my husband all over again to the point where it amazes me. That is what marriage is.

Answer 10

Look, you already made it clear you don't want a divorce. So you have to let this "dream woman" go. She's probably not interested anyway.

Take your wife out for a romantic weekend at a cabin or something. Rediscover the reasons you married her and you'll find it much easier to let go of the fantasy.