Sneakin’ In
I know what you think,
hands on your hips,
lips all sour, looking at me
like I forgot.
Birthday? Anniversary?
The day of our first kiss?
March 17th! Thank you so very much.
Midori Margaritas, St. Patricks Day,
green, green, green. I know you don’t
see flowers. Stargazer Lilies that’s what
you would have gotten. Anyone can get roses.
Suppose you think I’m cheap
Just read you some boring love poem
Well, since you insist
Your eyes,
skies filled with stars.
My soul, your heart
apart from you I’m nothing.
Your touch burns my skin
from deep within
blah, blah, blah, blah
cliché cliché
I love you.
Yes, I know it’s 2 AM.
What’s your point?
2007-07-15 11:31:35 · 16 answers · asked by Todd 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I love it.
Lines such as "apart from you I'm nothing" "your eyes, skies filled with stars" "your touch burns my skin" are all very sweet and poetic lines, but then they're a little boring b/c many poems used overused lines such as these. but when you added the end "blah, blah, ....cliche, cliche" it made the poem so much more real, unforgettable, and unique. Great job.
2007-07-15 15:10:13 · answer #1 · answered by Dinosaur 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I read this a couple times and it all kicked in. My read: a very playful poem that has just the right measure of its various components...both in the language and the tone.
What is most interesting for me about this poem to is how you've managed to paint yourself as a loveable screw up who should get "a pass" for staying out late and having too much to drink. I swear I could almost hear you saying "Well, since you insist" and then rattling off the the tired old romantic cliches that you could just as easily do in morpheus.
The ending was perfection. (Sometimes the best defense is a good offense!)
I really liked this poem.
Margot
2007-07-19 02:34:42 · answer #2 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmmm...you are a naughty boy sneaking in at 2 am! Well, the voice of your poem, anyway! I like it! It is very sarcastic and I like how you have all of the lines in the middle section longer and rambling. That matches the mood of your narrator, very rushed and trying to figure out what is wrong! Love it! Well,
Todd, I think you are coming back from your slump! Not that I ever thought you were from the poems you were submitting : )
2007-07-16 02:40:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mum's the Word : + 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Todd, it is excellent! in short, you have allowed the reader an journey it quite is efficient because of the fact there's a reality there. something affected you and additionally you translated it. In different, extra useful words: "We had the journey yet ignored the which skill, And strategies-set to the which skill restores the journey In a diverse sort, previous any which skill we are in a position to assign to happiness." T.S. Eliot. for people who want puppies and kittens,you have written something visceral, genuine and useful. Kudos & thank you!
2016-10-03 21:24:40 · answer #4 · answered by antonanzas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job! At first I thought the line breaks were a bit random...but then I saw the "2 AM" and it fit perfectly...so did the "blah, blah...etc." I agree with Shad, leave it in, it fits and flows wonderfully.
good poem!
2007-07-18 18:38:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, it was way too real. "Blah, blah, blah"-I definately didnt like. It really wasnt my type of poem. I did like lines such as "Your touch burns my skin" and "Your eyes, skies filled with stars". Those lines were beautiful! But the poem as a whole, it was too real for me. There was no deep emotion in this. It was so shallow. I've seen some of your poems before, I think you could have done much better.
2007-07-15 12:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
LMAO,
This was excellent my friend!
I think the Blah prt and so on added a great effect.
Realizing her thoughts
(as you would know her so well)
and the hints of sarcasm were brilliant @)~>~
(inspired me to write it did...)
All the Best, Shad @)~>~
2007-07-15 12:57:17 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it. The last three lines are great.
2007-07-15 13:23:06 · answer #8 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's wonderful....but you should get rid of the
"blah, blah, blah, blah
cliché cliché"
It's way out of place.
2007-07-15 12:19:43 · answer #9 · answered by kirsche e 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's cute, i chuckled a bit.
2007-07-15 14:09:48 · answer #10 · answered by IslandOfApples 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋