Survivors of incest and abuse: What has helped you move on in your life? Did keeping it secret help?

Answer 1

It's really helped me to share. It was awful and hard, but freeing all the same. However, I found that once I shared, I felt a compulsion of sorts to tell everyone I met. I felt like putting up fliers of my dad with RAPED OWN DAUGHTER written in red letters. I even made that flyer, but then I burned it. It was a really helpful exercise. But the thing that really made the biggest difference with me was my incest survivor support group in college.

I came to a happy medium after a while and now only talk about it if I am really close to a person or if I really feel that someone NEEDS to hear that they aren't alone.

You should really find a support group for incest survivors. Google: incest survivors and your city and state. Good luck in your healing process.

Answer 2

I am a survivor. I kept it a secret while still living with the abusers. When I left, I spoke out and got help. I left home at a very early age. I am glad I left and glad I got help. I kept it a secret while still with the abusers because I had no one I could trust even though I was a member of a church with hundreds of people. There was no one who could be trusted. I can't say it helped to keep it a secret. I just didn't know what else to do out of extreme fear.

Good question.

Answer 3

Everyone else has already given you great answers. I'll just add that for me, the biggest thing that helped was admitting to myself that I was a victim. I think you reach a point where you have to aknowledge that something was done to you completely against your will, you know? After you admit that, then you can move on to healing. I don't think keeping it a 'secret' really helps, but that said I believe that it is something very personal, that you don't 'owe' anybody an explaination about. I know a lot of people find that talking to someone helps, personally I've never had counselling or anything, but for many people that does them so much good. You can also talk to family or friends, anybody that you trust and feel comfortable with. Writing about it helped me, I always find writing a way of organising my own thoughts, and sorting out my feelings in my own mind. Just find any outlet that helps you understand how you feel, and do what you need to to come to terms with what happened. Good luck.

Answer 4

I am a survivor of incest and rape. Incest with my father and rape with my youth Pastor. Telling made me feel worse. I was 6 with my dad when it happened, and 11 with my youth Pastor.No one believed me and I was kicked out of the church.I know telling was the right thing to do because later when I was 29 the youth pastor's wife called my Mom and told her he was put in jail for raping their 6 month old child.But he only served 2 years and now has visitation rights to the child he raped. The child is 4 now.I feel I will be able to truly move on with my life when the law changes and people who victimize young children are put away for life.A person who rapes little children cant be reformed and put back into society.That is insane! There's no justice in that.

Answer 5

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. I had kepted it hidden because back then you didn't hear alot about it. My mother thank the good lord divorced him and we moved away, for me was a blessing. my grandmother had suspected it and came to me about it, and did I ever feel better for it. I still had trouble talking about it but the older I got the easier it became. The most important thing for me , as I got it my early thirties, was to reach a point to forgive my abuser and let judgment day before the lord to judge and deal with him for what he did. That has given me even more strength then ever to move on.

Answer 6

Keeping any type of abuse secret never helps anyone,except the abuser. I being a survivor of all forms of abuse had to go to a treatment facility where I was guided through a series of steps in order to heal from my traumatizing experiences.I recommend the same for anyone who is or has suffered abuse.The facility is called "The Bridge Fellowship." And is based in Bowling Green Kentucky,U.S.A. Please call this place and you will get the help you need. GOD BLESS.

Answer 7

I am not a survivor of incest or abuse, but I am a psychotherapist who treats victims of these crimes!

My clients have told me that having a safe person to talk to has helped immensely.

One of my goals in treatment is to help the victim the abuse was not their fault.

I explain to clients that they will not forget the abuse, but the is a chapter in their lives. My clients report that they live life and move beyond surviving!

Good luck.

One warning about counseling: most counselors, social workers and psychologists will tell you that they can treat victims of incest and assault.

But unless they are specifically trained for this area, they may do more harm than good. Don't be afraid to ask about their credentials, experience and areas of expertise.

You can't ask to talk to previous clients, but you can ask them who refers clients to them (i.e. YWCA, Crime Victims Advocate, Child Protective Services) then talk to someone at that agency.

Talk to a safe person. You will feel so much better!

Answer 8

I was nonphysically abused (no hitting or sex - verbal, emotional and mental) - the most freeing thing I ever did was spill the beans. Wish I'd done it 10, 15, 20 years earlier.

What helped me move on before the "revelation" was moving 700 miles away from my abuser and getting LOTS of professional help.

Answer 9

i refused to let the abuser ruin my life. i decided i was stronger and a lot better person than they are. i just put the abuse behind me with the attitude that it was not my fault i did nothing wrong, so with the saying been there done that and moved on, my life went on to be a very great one.

Answer 10

keeping it secret only made me sick. Physically and mentally. As soon as I found out how to forgive(never forget) it helped and I also learned how to forgive myself. Tell myself it wasn't my fault and truly eventually believe that. You have to find out what works for you but keeping it secret is the one thing that wont help you or anybody else.

It also didn't happen over night and took alot of patience and pain to get threw emotionally to get to where I am today