My husband and I start tomorrow and I am really nervous . I am nervous that he will not tell the full truth or that he will just give up cause he will actually hear how I feel about things . I m also scared to tell how I really feel about things cause I am afraid that he will just leave . How do I deal with this one and also I hear alot by the time ppl make it to marrital counseling it is to late is this true ? Did it help your marriage and did yourmarriage change for the better ?
2007-07-15 10:12:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's a really good question. I tell people who are going through marital problems to go to marriage counseling a lot because it helped my husband and I through a lot of difficult times. And the truth is it doesnt work for everyone, some people might be too late. But the fact that you and your husband are doing whatever you can to make your marriage stronger is only a good sign.
I also had a lot of the same insecurites you have. In my case, the counseling had to do with a problem that was pretty much because of my husband. He knew and I knew it. How is someone going to react when you go into counseling and just blame them the whole time? But before we went in, my husband and I decided what happened in the therapist's office stayed there. We would not bring up comments from the sessions, we would only talk about the tips that she had given us to regain trust. It was necessary.
The first day we went into her office, I spent a lot of time venting strong anger and frustration at my husband that I had not been able to do before, or that he would not listen to before. The office was a safe place for me to talk and for him to listen and I knew with another person there that we would be able to communicate more and argue less. It was very cathartic.
The real issue is that you have to feel safe with your counselor. Spend the first few minutes in your session with him or her asking them about themselves. Tell them about your concerns, about yourself and your husband. Get that out into the open right away so it can be dealt with and you can be honest. I don't know how your husband will react, but if he is there for the right reasons he will at least try.
In my case the marital counseling was very helpful because it allowed my husband to see how much he had hurt me; it allowed me to let go of that anger; and it allowed both of us to see how we got into that situation in the first place and to avoid doing it again. It may not work for everyone, but it saved my marriage.
2007-07-15 10:32:56 · answer #1 · answered by shksprsis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I've been in counseling and if the therapist is good you won't have too be in an uncomfortable conversation.
Typically people do not communicate very well.
It should not turn into a blame game. The therapist will see you guys together for a few appointments, then see you guys apart too.
It does not matter if he tells the truth or not. This is not about who is right and who is wrong. Because usually you are both right but you have a hard time communicating it. Alot of times people are saying the same thing with different words and they each think the other is wrong.
A good therapist will not let a session get into a fight. She will direct and manage the session to be productive.
2007-07-15 10:42:33 · answer #2 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After the first session together, many sessions afterwards are for one spouse only and after several sessions as a single you two are brought back together somany details are not reveiled to the other spouse for the simple reason of confidentiality. Only generalized details that pertain to a certain problem are brought in but only to a certain level. Now marriage counseling isnt for everyone and doesnt always work for everyone but does alot of couples in various degrees of relationship troubles. Both must enter with a open mind and heart and want the same result and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that result. The time frame depends alot on the severity of the challenge the couple faces. Good luck
2007-07-15 10:21:29 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your attitude is one of resignation (giving up), then marriage counseling will be a total waste. Marriage counseling is for couples who believe that their marriage has what it takes to last; but they just don't know 'how' to make it work. Marriage counseling will do these things: Help facilitate your emotions to the other without getting out of control. Show you strategies for conflict resolution Show you strategies for cultivating more love for eachother. Help you understand your emotions to yourself (perhaps past hurts and hang-ups are at the root of your behaviors) Marriage counseling will not: Change your personality Change your attitude Make the other person change their personality Tell the other person how "wrong" they are
2016-03-15 04:34:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both are willing and able to work at this marriage-and it takes a lot of work, you all can have a great marriage. Couseling is just for the guidance-it can't save your marriage if one of you don't want it to. It's you both that have to work on it. The counselor will tell you things that you already know. See, we have the knowledge, we are just misguided because of all the bs that happens in the midst of marriage...
2007-07-15 10:19:26 · answer #5 · answered by Ericka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you like and trust the counselor he/she will be able to see through your husband.
They've seen and heard practically everything.....all you can do is be as open and honest as you can.
We went at the beginning of our marriage to learn how to talk and listen to each other better.
2007-07-15 10:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋