What do you think of the opening of my latest science fiction story?

Question

It's written from the perspective of an off-world being. Does it give you a visual image? Do you want to see more of it, or should I stop wasting your time?

In the Northern Hemisphere of the third planet from a small primary, there is a long and narrow island. A female biped, species Homo Sapiens, is walking across the sand toward the ocean. She is a maker of stories, some real and others fiction based on reality.

Story-making is ofen a solitary profession and she is feeling the need for companionship. Although she is intrigued with mystery, when she is not making stories, she believe in being straightforward. This is why she looks neither to the right nor to the left, but keeps her eyes focused on the incoming tide.

Okay, Ariana, but I have to wait to see if anyone else agrees w/you.

Jim: The reason the narrator knows all this will be revealed if I decide to post the rest of the story. Thanks for your critique.

Answer 1

Needs some editing work, but it's not bad. It *does* seem a little too earthly for an alien being. Presumably, the alien can 1) sense human emotion and 2) knows a lot about the "female biped" ("she is intrigued with mystery" is not something you usually get from scientific observation, and likewise the alien is aware of her personality traits and how they affect her actions)

Perhaps you explain how the alien knows so much about her later in the story?

As a scifi lover, *I* would like to know a *little* (maybe a paragraph or even sentence describing intentions) about the alien narrating beforehand - unless it is a surprise that an alien is narrating the story.

I would be happy to read any more that you write. Please don't take this criticism hard - I love constructive criticism, and I hope mine has been constructive for you.

Jim, http://www.jimpettis.com/wheel/

Answer 2

those are classic subject concerns in technology fiction. listed right here are some concepts to consistent with threat get you began thinking... area commute - ok, so area commute is a possibility. yet Einstein supposedly proved that no longer something can commute quicker than the fee of sunshine, so the place could we commute to and what could area commute be like? could it is like an exceedingly long cruise that lasts years? Or could human beings be in some sort of cryosleep, and if so, what are the hazards? could it is reserved for the wealthy, or used to transport criminals to penal colonies in area by fact it is too risky for many human beings? Time commute - that's continuously a solid one. in case you commute in time, then how do you keep away from messing up the time flow? there is the old paradox of what happens in case you kill your grandfather - will you nonetheless exist? And in case you do no longer, then you quite ought to no longer have killed him and subsequently you may desire to exist. Painful stuff. And going to the destiny, properly, you hit upon out will win the Derby, wager your funds, win a fortune and then grow to be wealthy and effective and decrease to rubble the destiny. there is each and every sort of opportunities right here. Robots and AI - properly, look at contemporary desktops and choose what you think of will ensue interior the destiny. Will there be robots with personalities, or will they be seen slaves? What approximately subject concerns like civil rights for robots? What happens if a robotic or AI is going undesirable, exceptionally one with a severe job? Can a robotic be hacked? area extraterrestrial beings - First touch with human beings. Are they non violent explorers, investors, or finding for military domination? Or are they the intergalactic equivalent of the Jehovah's Witnesses, going from planet to planet and dropping leaflets to unfold their faith? destiny human beings - smarter than at present, or dumber? Will u.s. nonetheless be a superpower? If no longer, who's? what's the dominant language and custom? What happened as quickly as we ran out of fossil gas? How with regard to the effect of international warming? How do human beings stay to tell the story?

Answer 3

aw it's interesting!!! keep going you made me curious already ;-) it seems like you're gifted. i think your stories could make a great deal, especially for film base. believe me, i'm serious. i'm good at literature i have prizes to ensure that, so you can know you're getting advice from someone who knows what we are talking about. go on, you've got what it takes! wish you luck!